KerrieJean.com

Call me old-fashioned, call me anything you like but Australia’s international reputation IS important. So important that currently, we have a PM who spends more than half our GDP living overseas, constantly spreading the message of an urbane, sophisticated Federation.

So, how could it come to this?

Pile of Gelato (flickr credit: Gio JL)

Before someone put shit in someone’s chocolate gelato served up in the bistro of Sydney’s iconic Coogee Bay Hotel, Australia had only been mentioned once this year in the international media. That was when the first of the Steve Irwin impersonators started do live crocodile taming acts in pubs around outback Queensland.

But now, thanks to the the most unspeakable case of shit sabotage ever reported anywhere, we’re hitting the international headlines like never before. I’m NOT proud and neither should you be….

Click here for:  Trusted Sample Of International Shit-In-Gelato Coverage.

So….Where to now?  (more…)

I would say at the outset that the ABC had the wrong title.
It should be The Prime Minister is MESSING.

credit: flickr dbking

Click here to remind yourself what the ABC was doing: The Prime Minister Is Missing.

Messing around is not uncommon among politicians, particularly those of high ministerial ranking, and Harold Holt was no exception.

In his case, it was not a typiste (forgive me for the non-feminist final vowel) or a reverent, kneeling Clintonesque internette.

At last it can be revealed. It was Messing with the Occult. (more…)

You know about growth spurts. Before going to sleep, your vital stats were (for example) age, 7, height, two-and-a-half feet, weight, 4 stone. But on awakening, great distress. Your revised vital stats? Age 7, height, two-and-three-quarters feet, weight 4 stone 8lbs. All very kooky, all potentially devastating.

BUT back then, tight-knit caring communities appointed growth spurt monitors. In my case, Betty from just up the road would just happen to rock up with much bigger, smellier Dunlop Volleys and a frayed selection of more appropriately sized outer garments. And Betty knew her job was to calm me down. Once, when I told her I was surely, surely headed for the back blocks of Idaho on a college basketball scholarship, she said: No way KJ - that’s just being right up yasself. It’s just a little growth spurt…..

Not so, with the potentially devastating syndrome that is the age spurt……. (more…)

I have been contacted by one of our most astute social observers, Greek And Loving It who, without fanfare, simply reported: nipples have disappeared from public view.

I was initially flummoxed. Had Greek And Loving It identified a new flashpoint on the site of conflict that has always been women’s bodies? Was Greek And Loving It a pervert who’d tricked me with her previously seemingly ’sound’ correspondence? Or perhaps Greek And Loving It had issues with her own nipples and subconsciously wanted them to spill over into this vibrant site of public discourse?

The last of the public nipple warriors (credit: Stinkie Pinkie - Flickr)

(more…)

ABC Television airs the beautifully realised The Prime Minister Is Missing on Thursday, Oct 23rd. I’ve had a preview but I won’t go on too much and wreck your viewing pleasure. Enough to say that the doco concludes that Harold Holt was going through a very, very nerve-racking period of his Prime Ministership and was chockas with perscription calmatives when he plunged into the surf off Cheviot Beach on Dec 17th, 1967. Read: Harold was not in a position to make sound decisions about whether a swim in tsunami-like conditions, was a good idea.

Click this if you want the official guff: The Prime Minister Is Missing.

Without a doubt though, the most sensational thing about The Prime Minister Is Missing (and still is) is the stroke-of-genius casting of Normie Rowe as Harold Holt. It is a non-speaking, non-singing role - mainly shots of a very nervy Harold/Normie in the backseat of the big, black Fairlane Com Car 001. (more…)

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credit: Trellina and faeryboots - Flickr

If The Great Depression Mk2 is officially proclaimed, qualified artists working across several mediums will be urgently required. Subsequently, an ‘expression of interest’ list is being compiled so suitable artists can be contacted at short notice. The projected Great Depression Mk2 artistic requirements are: (more…)