KerrieJean.com

Financial squabbling has long been recognised as one of the major causes of marital, defacto or long-term relationship breakdown.

And make no mistake, this squabbling is an undignified and relentless rollercoaster. Those deep within the vicious cycle know the corrosive and esteem sapping scene:

Who bought what, who’s the biggest tight-arse, who’s the bi-polar spender, who forked out $5.60 for an organic banana, who decided a $445,000 loan to ‘open up’ the back of the house would make for happiness, who first mooted that the pastoral care provided by private schools was the the answer to Bradley and Jack’s chronic anti-social behaviour. The list is exhaustive…..

Cougars on the move (credit: D'Arcy Norman- Flickr)

There is only one surety – in these calamitous economic times, these squabbles can only escalate and there will be massive relationship casualties. (more…)

If you’re in a workplace where there’s substantial numbers of colleagues of a certain age, you’d be well aware of the contemporary phenomenon of THE (medical) PROCEDURE.

The Australian Productivity Commission estimates that, on any weekday, up to 39 percent of employees aged 44 or over, are absent from work because they’re having PROCEDURES. But, the Commission has found it impossible to elaborate because PROCEDURE patients refuse point blank to provide precise details.

Trial Procedure (credit: agahran - Flickr)

This is what IS known. A PROCEDURE, undertaken in the day surgery mode of care, is not life threatening. But psychologically, a PROCEDURE can strike at the very core of an individual’s dignity and sense of self-worth. (more…)

First, a message: I hope you don’t find this story gratuitous in these most uncertain of times. I am well aware that, for mum and dad investors, bouts of vigorous lovemaking are probably the last thing on their minds.

HOWEVER: There’s been lots of hoopla surrounding the recent publication of an updated version of the 1972 ‘how to’ bedroom classic, The Joy Of Sex. Click here for: Sample of hoopla

Sadly, the man who authored, The Joy Of Sex, Dr Alex Comfort, was working so hard on the New Joy, he died on the job. So, it was the British sexologist, Susan Quilliam, who brought the new tome to publication.

When news came through that there was a New Joy, I immediately set about doing what I do best: reading about sex. Night after night, I poured over the New and Old Joys, undertaking exhaustive textual analysis. My mission? To compare, to contrast, to find out how sexual procliviites had changed in the period bookended by Gough and Kevins’ elections.

For many nights, my ‘compare and contrast’ mission threw up nought. Both Joys are full of explanations and drawings of several hundred very weird and confronting coital positions. Both Joys still mention specialities like pattes d’araignee, croupade cuissade and Viennese oysters. I thought pattes d’araignee al least sounded achievable. But, when I quizzed my favourite fella at my local Woolies about ingredients, he looked blank. So, by the time I returned to my research, I was very, very despondent.

Then: Paydirt. Great Paydirt. This is what I threw up. The Old Joy has no less than four pages on how to conduct oneself, how to avoid making a fool of oneself at orgies. May I quote?

Orgies need hell of a lot of martini lubrication.  A warning though: They tend to be run by liberal intellectuals who invariably end up talking rather than doing. Hence we can well believe that the best orgiasts are the prosperous upper middle class, minor jet setters and showbiz types. (Comfort, A, MD,PhD, pp,168-172, The Joy Of Sex, Simon and Schuster, Fireside Book, 1972, sic).

The last known orgaists (image credit : ClintJCL - flikr)

Then, Dr Comfort nailed his theme in no uncertain terms:

There is no reason why sex should not be social if you wish …there could also be complications and anxieties, but there can always be complications, even at bridge parties…..

But, by 2008 The New Joy signalled a complete turn around. All references to the sensual, Socially Inclusive world of orgiasts, had been wiped clean. And why? To quote:

Because, in general, society accepts the norm that sex happens in the private realm between two people.

And so, The New Joy strongly advises to keep even threesomes or foursomes, let alone sixtytwosomes, to the realm of fantasy.

So, my  ’compare and contrast’ assignment had delivered big time but I knew my toughest, most draining work had just begun. For 16 days, one question overrode my routine creepy thoughts: WHY had orgiasts been excluded from the overarching policy of Social Inclusion?

My conclusions?

* The Rudd, and other western democratic governments, are waiting to see what emissions trading schemes will look like before inviting orgiasts to the table.

* Crippling petrol prices mean that millions of orgiasts have excluded themselves from what used to be their favourite tilt at Social Inclusion. Trips across town for just another orgy, can no longer be justified.

* Orgiasts of the prosperous middle-class first identified by Dr Comfort in 1972, now have pitiful bodies. Millions are finding even twosomes, very hard yakka. Still more have been brought low by society’s fetishistic worship of youth and perfection. For these former orgiasts, even rare bouts of one-to-one lovemaking, are only just tolerable.

I’d love to you to help me with my on-going research. Did the orginal Joy Of Sex change your life or did you think it was bit much? Should Bunnings – the king of DIY - stock the New Joy Of Sex? Should any right-thinking society ban orgiasts, menage-a-troisists and swingers from seeking any Government funding for projects falling under the Social Inclusion banner? Or perhaps, you attended your first orgy when your excitement levels peaked after your very first Moratorium march and you have no intention of stopping. Love to hear from you too, you devil….

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place when you write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And you just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!

The news that fathers of new born infants will have paid parental leave at their disposal, has provoked deep thought.  Of course, I am pleased that men will have time to bond with the fruits of their loins. So, I have no qualms about declaring parental leave for fathers the most significant on-the-ground advance for Family-Friendly Workplaces, ever.

 Click on this if you need a:  Little reminder if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

HOWEVER, life is messier than policy. So it was on hearing about the new parental leave provisions, a man called Larry crept into my routine creepy thoughts.

Some Larry background: My first job in journalism (1979, child prodigy) was on a fine tabloid: a masthead serving a city of tough men and women whose cottages backed onto smokestacks. They all fondly remembered being schooled in quaint converted smokestacks. And they always had good things to say about teachers because, in those days, being assigned to a one-person smokestack was the most challenging posting of all.

But, back to Larry and there were many of his ilk in our newspaper office. Best to think of him as EveryLarry.

Larry's hero - STUDS Terkel (flikr credit : tilaneseven1)

So, how did the gun reporter, Larry, go about his business in the pressure-cooker envionment that was our newspaper office, our Family-Hostile Workplace?

Importantly, Larry worked hard to take the pressure down……..

Every day after work, Larry and EveryLarry, had many, many, many beers at our Family-Hostile Workplace’s preferred hotel. Here was a bunch of hard-bitten newspapermen freely offering support….and getting it back in spades. This was group counselling at its most effective.

Perennial topics included the melancholy generated by constant rounds of multiple divorces, new girlfriends making unreasonable demands for more than monthly dates and – most urgent of all - financial meltdowns created by crippling child maintenance payments.

But, despite all of these clear and present dangers, Larry remained upbeat. He’d been on site for thousands of shocking incidents during 25 years of police reporting so he knew all about perspective. He even counted his blessings.

But, one day Larry’s child maintenance problems spiralled completely out of control, compliments of a new Family-Friendly government policy. To say that this updated child maintenance policy left Larry exposed, would be an understatement. History had not only caught up with Larry, it was biting him hard on the bum.

In his prime, Larry fathered three children to his then wife and ‘good sort’, Pat. Larry met Pat when she worked in Classifieds at our Family-Hostile Workplace. After Pat, came a brief marriage to ’Trish The Dish’, who edited the Women’s Pages. Another two children. I can’t say that anyone was surprised to hear that Larry, in his sub-prime, had fallen for the much, much younger Judy, the bubbly telephonist at our Family-Hostile Workplace. Judy was very keen to start her first family and everyone, including Larry, thought that was fair enough. Another two beautiful kiddies but things just didn’t work out.

But, Larry was a decent bloke. He never, ever backed away from his child maintenance responsibilities, even when the Family Court threatened to garnishee his meat.

But things went from bad to worse. Soon, Larry could no longer afford his modest rented premises. One day, at shift’s start, he drove his battered Tarago van into the carpark of our Family-Hostile Workplace. But, Larry didn’t drive home - not after that shift’s end or many more after. Larry, gun reporter, decent fella, lover and bon vivant had set up temporary digs until he could get things sorted.

The last thing you should do is feel sorry for Larry. For it is generally agreed that Larry did his best work, his best writing, while he lived in that carpark. It was as if - finally freed from the shackles of domesticity – he found his true voice.  Suddenly, Larry’s stories took on a sense of urgency, a great literary quality and it was not uncommon for hardened editors to shed a tear while subbing his copy.

I’m glad that all those years ago, I realised that something magnificent was happening. I’m glad that I souvenired a couple of Larry’s stories’ intros. For example:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times….(Larry’s intro to a story about an ugly pub brawl). OR:  

I Had a Van In The Carpark….. (Larry’s intro to a feature about men and middle-age). AND:

In The Beginning……. (Larry started to use this as an intro to many of his stories. I loved its monumentalism but the sub-editors weren’t so chuffed. But Larry would not desist. So Sure he was onto something, Larry would still get away with In The Beginning on the odd occasion).

So, here’s to Larry and EveryLarry, just some of the greats of the fast disappearing world of Family-Hostile Workplaces. And would Larry have used parental leave entitlements if they’d been available in 1979? I doubt it.

Let the workplace family hostilities begin was his mantra.

********I’d loved to know how you feel about your Family-Friendly Workplace.  Is it too quiet? Would Larry survive in your office? Or perhaps you’re in one of the world’s last Family-Hostile Workplaces. Are you having fun? Or do you take offence on a daily basis?

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place when you write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And you just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!