Email to:The Economic Meltdown: Single Women Rejoice!
Financial squabbling has long been recognised as one of the major causes of marital, defacto or long-term relationship breakdown.
And make no mistake, this squabbling is an undignified and relentless rollercoaster. Those deep within the vicious cycle know the corrosive and esteem sapping scene:
Who bought what, who’s the biggest tight-arse, who’s the bi-polar spender, who forked out $5.60 for an organic banana, who decided a $445,000 loan to ‘open up’ the back of the house would make for happiness, who first mooted that the pastoral care provided by private schools was the the answer to Bradley and Jack’s chronic anti-social behaviour. The list is exhaustive…..
Cougars on the move (credit: D'Arcy Norman- Flickr)
There is only one surety – in these calamitous economic times, these squabbles can only escalate and there will be massive relationship casualties.
At this stage, there’s no point going over the tragic ground that is the fallout from every broken relationship. Best to look for POSITIVES. And yes, for single, desperate woman who’d got to thinking they’d never again get a foothold into the highly competitive later-in-life romance market, THIS IS YOUR TIME.
FACT: Over the next couple of months, there will a dramatic shakedown of the relationship market. Hundreds of thousands of men – victims of widespread ‘nail-in-the-coffin’ financial squabbling….. will be re-listing.
Bonanza!
These men will find all talk of renovations, insolent children, supermarket prices and ruined superannuation strategies, offensive. Because their long-term dreams involving love and money have come to nought, they’ll be frantically rewriting all the rules when it comes to the grossly undervalued pursuit of instant gratification.
Girls, this is where you’ll suddenly find your market niche. Yes, there will be persisent demands that you enter into sustained periods of wild sex, dinners at Tetsuyas, weekend getaways on luxurious houseboats and long, hedonistic binges involving Krug. Joyfully, you will not only meet these demands but exceed all market expectations when it comes to performance.
So girls, congrats for NOT going completely insane during the past decade – I know the majority of you have had NO dates, NO sex, NO affectionate nuzzling – and every bit of food and drink that’s gone anywhere near your mouth, has been self-funded.
But now, consider yourself officially on standby. On standby, for what will become known as your Bacchanalia Period – the most erotic, exciting, funny, cost-effective and exhilarating time of your life! Go, you little profit takers, go!
KJ always loves to hear from you……
Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!
Prawn Cutlet Award
October 11th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
kerrie jean , shouldn’t this marvellously expressed post be put in the category of financial analysis rather than creativity and sensuality? More posts like this and I’ll have to stop reading the financial times and wall street journal. not enough instant gratification …..
Note from KJ.
Thanks Stan. Any advice which makes the navigation of my site easier, is welcomed. I have made a new ‘financial analysis’ category and the story under question has been put into it. HOWEVER, it also remains in the creativity and sensuality categories because life is far, far more than just the machinations of what used to be known as the vibrant global economy.
October 11th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
KJ
My Granny used to say “I wouldn’t do that for love nor money”. Is this something like what is happening now? Wouldn’t do it for love, wouldn’t do it even if I had the money. In these trying economic times, the chicken today, feathers tomorrow syndrome is alive and well. No Bolly, though the shearer’s cocktail (Tooheys new with a good slurp of green ginger wine) may make a reappearance.
October 12th, 2008 at 4:08 am
Hello Chocka – nice work on the shearer’s cocktail. I’m compiling an emergency list of cost effective meltdown survival recipes. This one fits nicely in the aperitif section. If you’ve got any more historic recipes which have given ‘good bang for buck’, do get back to me.
October 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am
KJ mate – those marital break ups will be bloody rampant. Nice news for me. I’m smart, never did the nupital thingo. So congrats to all other baby boomers who predicted this crash. Single nesters got the drift even before we had our palms read.
Urgent request: KJ can you be more specific about when the first batch of re-listers debut on the stock exchange? Just between you and me, I need advanced warning so that the bikini wax can be organised.
October 12th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Yes watch the divorce/partner split rate rocket in the coming months as we scramble to shape the new world (financial) order. And guess who’ll be standing in the way? Why, none other than the chief cause of the problem – the good old U S of A.
October 12th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
A great observation Marmaduke – only gotta look at how Ms Palin reacted when a very fine (and terribly worked up) State Trooper dared defy God and Country and enter into the murky pond that is divorce -from the Governor’s sister.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:23 am
But KJ, surely this bacchanalia will be self-funded ? The re-listers will be skint at best…putting the word on the pocket as well as what’s behind it. Be wary, don’t let those ‘investors’ pounce on your bargain ! Tetsuyas…you’ll be lucky to get a home delivery from the local spit between you…
Dion – please DO NOT even try to piss on on our party.
………a non self-funded chicken thigh, corn cob, mash and peas followed by a chocolate mousse in a plastic container. Washed down with Seaview brut de brut. Do you know what millions of women would call this? For your info: WINDFALL!
October 14th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Whooooooooaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Watch out for those pensioners with their $1,400 bonus before Christmas time! The local RSL/Club will be awash with eager looking folks, with their hair slicked down and a wallet full of $20s for the pokies, seafood basket complete with prawn cutlets and a glass of Ryezling! The old pheromone machine at my local pub will be getting a MAJOR workout! It’s springtime ladies and I LOVE it!
October 15th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Dear Mrs T – I am utterly thrilled that the prawn cocktail finally gets a look in….it’s always been my immediate off-the menu-choice when I’m on a first date. I am always very nervy so nibbling a hand held prawn cutlet precludes the need for ’shaky’ knife and fork work. I have also been told many times that tactile prawn cutlet nibbling is erotic. I also eat the feet – a terrific organic weapon in my on-going battle against the scurge of osteoporosis.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
KJ – Have you checked Miranda Divine’s take on Sarah Palin in the Herald today? Says Miranda, Sarah’s the antidote to noted feminist thinkers like Madonna and .. um whatsername (Pamela Anderson hates Sarah, bless her!). It’s devine reading and gives the lie to claims the Herald is on the nose – comic writing at it’s best!
October 17th, 2008 at 5:11 am
And Marmaduke, I’m predicting that the chaotic personal life of Madonna will be a ‘wild card’ entry into the frantic last weeks of the Presidential campaign. Sarah WILL be and MUST be asked: Are Guy and Madonna, in declaring their marriage kaput, headed for Hell? Millions of ‘undecideds’ await the answer.
October 18th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
I’ve just gone under the caravan to find the space-saver bag with my old suit in it – there’s two sides to every story. Just as the male-ex may be looking “further afield”, the female-ex will be looking to share a frozen-daiquiri or two with a consoling friend.
Time then to spruce up, find the Brut 45 and go back in to action. Bonanza indeed.
You best enjoy this open window whilst it lasts, KJ, because whilst the keys of the yacht may not arrive immediately, they’re coming the way of the long suffering wife as I suspect most of the loot was put in her name when many of our captains of industry knew this wasn’t going to last.
It’s been a long hiatus, and the lines may be a bit dated, but I’m back on the market too. I give myself 5 days to get cleaned up – beard neatly trimmed, clothes de-loused etc – and I should be right for next weekend.
October 19th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Well done you Trev – hope mixed with a fair bit of bitterness has been, throughout history, one of the greatest springboards for positive action. Just one piece of advice – DO NOT attempt to use BRUT on your person at this most critical period. Put it to better use a de-lousing agent for your apparel.
On the matter of your official re-listing, I suspect most reasonable people would wish you well.