KerrieJean.com

*******Free KJ & Big Swifty track a bit further down the thingo – but first, read about the origins of the KJ & Big Swifty Project….And a warning: Adult themes everywhere.

You only need to rub up against one ONE person in life who believes in you – and magic WILL happen. And my ‘one person’ was Big Swifty. I meet Big Swifty in Aldis – we were both stocking up on cut price analgesics. He winced at me and said: I’ve got a migraine so bad I can’t focus but from what I can see – you’re ALL woman and it’d be a mortal sin if we never got the chance to work together.
That was on August 27th. Three days later, we were in studio (Oh, how I love saying that!) putting down: Jesus I Could Do With A Root (All I Want For Christmas). Big Swifty is back in Australia (which he finds very boring) after 16 years working all over the world with the best in THE BUSINESS (Oh, I guess I’ll get used to saying that!). But he doesn’t go on and on about who and where and when. Modesty is a lovely quality in a Svengali.

So, you’d be a fool unto yourself if you didn’t click on this and dance along to:

JESUS I COULD DO WITH A ROOT (All I Want For Christmas)

Did you have a good listen? Did you have a dance even if it was all by yourself? Let me know what you think (no feel) about Jesus I Could Do With A Root (All I Want For Christmas) because I’d like to do more things with BS if he’s not too busy…… (Great news! BS has just issued a statement – it’s in comments section).

credit: Tracey Trompf

….just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!

Emergency update: 0809 Monday, November 24th. Just looked up and guess what? – ANOTHER colossus on my patch: Rolf Harris (pic to follow).

Told Ya! (credit: Ann Armold)

In the meantime…….

Something profound happened. Sitting at my desk desperately trying to look employed, I glanced through the glass wall separating me from life and there he was – the real, the only JAMES BOND, Sir Roger Moore. Oh God, I thought, I’m having some sort of episode mental health experts warn strikes very bright, nervy people at any age, any time.

But, I’m pleased to report that my latest batch of colleagues – all great girls who (if the pattern continues) will move on just when I think we’re getting close – settled me down: It’s OK, KJ, it IS Sir Roger, visiting the National Broadcaster to spruik his watershed biography AND make already overheated ABC Menopause Club members finally self-combust. (more…)

This is the face of the top RN documentary maker who has ruined Christmas for everyone at the ABC.

The photograph was on my desk when I arrived at work today. An accompanying note (unsigned) read:

KJ, I’ve read of your fury at being banned from RN’s Xmas Party. But, tightened OH&S and behavioural regulations are not to blame. This is the photograph (taken at RN’s Christmas party 2007) that forced ABC Management to urgently rethink its approach to all staff parties. Note: The man in this picture is not only following the long tradition of Australian men experimenting with gender, he is also tied up. (more…)

I won’t be going to the RN Christmas Party this year. I had no say in the matter but, at this stage of the year, I’m too tired to scratch my bum let alone cause a stink over a lame Yuletide ‘do’.

Some background: RN called for expressions of interest for its Christmas party last week. I immediately expressed same and was promptly given this form to fill in. See results. (more…)

The youngest of my five-terrific-girls, KJ, has appraised you of the situation: I am no longer around on a day-to-day (or any other) basis but that doesn’t mean this man can’t have a say when the need arises. And it bloody well has! Little KJ, a keen astral traveller, keeps me across societal developments, and she reports that all  kids – so that includes your bloody kids - are now totally out of control.  BUT, if you’re prepared to give this man’s Self-Distancing-Disciplinary-Technique (SDDT) a burl, the dawn-to-dusk shit fights at your place will settle down. Guaranteed.

SDDT In Action! (credit: Flickr, furryscaly)

First up - to get your kids to really sit up and take notice – you have to  distance yourself from yourself. Thus, when this man was forced into disciplinary mode, be became (through a simple trick of language realignment) just……. A MAN.*

* Most common examples of SDDT in action at our place:

A MAN can’t guts any more of this…..

Do you hear what A MAN is saying…….?

You’re all giving A MAN the shits….

What’s A MAN supposed to make of this…..? (more…)

Before, I tell you WHAT exactly happened, let me assure you:

***You are a valued member of a supportive cyber community.

***Things sometimes get a little heated in our space but that’s good. We are passionate people in a pragmatic world.

***Bringing our little community together has been the best thing that’s ever happened – a joyous task when so much of my life has been marked by lost opportunities – in love, platonic friendships and work. Eg: Only yesterday, I was dropped as the Australian stringer for NZTV’s coverage of today’s historic election. Apparently, I’m hologram incompatible.

SO, I am very, very sorry that when you recently sought succour in our familiar and vibrant little space, it was anything but. Instead, you were confronted by:

Yes, a picture of Ataturk, backgrounded by a flapping Turkish flag – quite nice graphics really – but the work of perhaps the web’s greatest menace: a man by the name of Mr Iskorpitx.

Yes, we were hacked by Mr Iskorpitx but please do not be concerned. You and your bank account details are safe. Me and mine, likewise. The best thing we can do is continue as if Mr Iskorpitx had never rung our doorbell. And rest assured, RN’s cyber security people LIVE by best practice. They didn’t hold back – they gave my server a very big serve indeed…

So, welcome back. (more…)