Sir Roger: Celebrating A Freak Of Nature
Emergency update: 0809 Monday, November 24th. Just looked up and guess what? – ANOTHER colossus on my patch: Rolf Harris (pic to follow).
Told Ya! (credit: Ann Armold)
In the meantime…….
Something profound happened. Sitting at my desk desperately trying to look employed, I glanced through the glass wall separating me from life and there he was – the real, the only JAMES BOND, Sir Roger Moore. Oh God, I thought, I’m having some sort of episode mental health experts warn strikes very bright, nervy people at any age, any time.
But, I’m pleased to report that my latest batch of colleagues – all great girls who (if the pattern continues) will move on just when I think we’re getting close – settled me down: It’s OK, KJ, it IS Sir Roger, visiting the National Broadcaster to spruik his watershed biography AND make already overheated ABC Menopause Club members finally self-combust.
Sir R rocks the ABC. (credit Tracey Trompf)
So there was Sir Roger and, if I said he was AMAZING, I’d be guilty of understatement. Sir Roger is looking better than ever. At 81, he is a big, beautifully proportioned man with a face which would be more at home on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. His superbly cut, understated $$$$suit hugged his frame like a demountable in Cyclone Tracy. And note – I respected Sir Roger even more when I read this on his site: The best site in the whole world
I used to have a few suits from Bond, but they shrunk and I could no longer wear them. Scarfs and ties all went in charity auctions and it’s been a few decades since then, so alas it’s all gone!
What modesty, what generosity….what joie de vivre!
At this stage of life, my out-of-control, primal reaction to the hulking body of Sir Roger initially rocked me to my already very vulnerable core. But I did take succour from the fact I was not alone. A trusted insider reported that on the very day Sir Roger sashayed onto my patch, horrified cleaners reported a trail of discarded knickers – everything from size 22 beige cotton tails to size 6 satin thingos with side bows – stretching over six floors of ABC headquarters. Security officers solved the mystery when they (employing the latest in computer mapping) simultaneously overlaid Sir Roger’s itinerary with the panty trail. A perfect match.
In short, I know not why my reaction to the visage of Sir Roger was so visceral, so animal…….BUT ultimately, I am thrilled. I feared such deep and mysterious stirrings were lost to me forever. Thank you Sir Roger for making me to feel like a Natural Woman, albeit for 8-12 secs. That’s longer than the last four years combined………..
As usual, love to hear from you: Why are there so few men left with the power to leave a trail of discarded knickers in their wake? Did Feminism make male raw energy something to be ashamed of? Who still has the power to make you feel like a natural woman? Define male charisma……anything else?
…just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!
(Totally separate thingo…..)
IMPORTANT: DO IT FOR HEC! As you may know, our dear correspondent, Andra, wants to add another gong to my ‘The Bitch Most Likely’ Award I won hands down at Leeton High School in 1972. Andra has nominated kerriejean.com for the prestigious Weblog awards. I am currently in a shitfight to make it to the finals. Just click on this:
( http://2008.weblogawards.org/nominations/best-humor-blog/ )
Ignore all of the pretenders and scroll down quite a bit until you see kerrie.jean.com (and Andra’s elegant nomination). Click on that little green button – and you’re out of there. DO IT FOR HEC!
Comment of the Week
November 21st, 2008 at 2:49 pm
KJ,
It is not true that Sir Roger, the man who put new meaning into the word ‘roger’, hangs around Royalty. No, Royalty hangs around him. Put it this way, put Sir R on the Buck Palace balcony and who they gonna look at? Not Charles the Bald, the pterodactyl prince, Phil the Philandering Greek, or Lizardy Liz whom they have seen heaps on postage stamps, coins, banknotes and through a drunken haze on the telly screen on Christmas Day, or Acrimonious Anne, or even the late lush Margaret, who revenged herself on the papparazi by marrying one. No, all eyes will be on Roger the Saint, Roger the 007.
No wonder R’s visit to the ABC caused pantymonium – the cleaners must have been furious picking up all of the undies, including KJ’s Edibles.
Will R leave his body to Science?
Has he ever been a donor to a sperm bank?
What is his gene structure?
What is his diet?
R and I were very close in the old days. We met annually when we visited Daddy at Windsor.
Believe me, he knows who Jack the Ripper was, as I do, and heaps more.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 am
I really don’t know why correspondents seem obsessed with edible items of apparel – we’ve had Greek and loving it and Meg (bras) and now you (knickers). Let it be known that the only edible accessory I’ve ever owned was a hemp sun hat at University. Some live wire from the Theatre Studies School ground it down and made cookies……. HICKSVILLE!
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:56 am
KJ! Shame on you and all the ladies at Radio National!
Everyone knows Roger Moore as The Saint left any of his 007 performances for dead.
Now why didn’t you all, after discarding of undies, take the advice of the Roy Hill Band???
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MR TEMPLAR?
MY REVOLVER (or something else substituted here) IS TRAINED ON YOU,
IT’S AN ADMIRABLE VIEW AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Meg – now don’t you get YOUR knickers in a knot. I AGREE…..Mr Templar made for outstanding home viewing but Sir Roger was always too much of a colossus for the small screen.
And he continues to fascinate creative people. Take Amy Winehouse (and she’s ALWAYS thinking)…….with her latest Roger offering:
‘Cause you’re my fella, my guy
Hand me your Stella and fly
By the time I’m out the door
YOU TEAR ME DOWN LIKE ROGER MOORE……
Note: The always modest Sir Roger didn’t go on about Amy’s ponderings:
“I’ve no idea what it means! Answers on a postcard please”……he told reporters.
November 23rd, 2008 at 10:28 am
KJ, dear girl – I don’t give a toss for your degree of visceral feelin’. Nope, it’s those size 6 satin thingos, or was it thongos, that I’ve got in my sights. Get those overstretched cleaners to send them immediately!
November 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 am
Who actually took that photograph of Sir Roger? He looks like he’s just come out of the womb and had a pair of over-sized glasses popped on him to guide him to the food source.
KJ – My dear colleague Tracey T took the shot. For her, it was a completely new way of working – camera in one hand, knickers in the other….
November 23rd, 2008 at 11:00 am
The Ginger Man … forget about Sir Roger and sperm banks, I just pray to God and Allah that you have never been anywhere near such a facility.
November 23rd, 2008 at 11:08 am
Surprised, I agree with you – Sir Roger looks like he belongs in a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not franchise in a cut price holiday camp. What was KJ thinking when she declared him hot?
November 23rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
KJ,
Visceral and freaky are the operative words to describe this Sir R phenomenon. How does he still make them squirm and divest? Just look through the lens of his specs. If that’s not part of his visceral mass then I’m not a plastic surgeon.
At 81yrs old and mid sentence let me finish his sentence. ” I was O… O…. what number???” Still got it Rog !
KJ: Congratulations basstraightswell – you have just defined the indefinable: male charisma!
November 23rd, 2008 at 8:05 pm
KJ,
I didn’t know I was doing an assignment……
Mal Charisma used to play fullback for the saints.
I believe the number that he used last season was 7.
KJ: 10/10 basstraightswell
November 23rd, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Please don’t leaves esses out of my non de plume.
Otherwise your blog suckssssss!!
November 24th, 2008 at 1:30 am
This is true BASSSTRAIGHTSWELL: to treat a new and obviously very proud – though sensitive – member of our supportive cyber community with such a perceived lack of respect could be mistaken for arrogance. Grow up! KJ
November 24th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
May I suggest that those engaged in this lippie talk visit Bunnings Warehouse where real men hang out.
I knew the first Bunning – Reginald Bunning VC – who led the Chain Saw Chasseurs after D-Day who removed many trees and German limbs in the Ardennes.
There have been reports that Queanbeyan Bunnings have applied for a sperm bank licence, but I cannot see any of these men being lured away from The Dumpty Doo Whipper Snipper.
An alternative is Rex Hunt fishing shops.
Marry Me, No I have not been a contributor to a sperm bank. Broad farmlands are preferable to hot house nurseries and GM crops.
November 24th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
However, I do know someone who is a SB donor. Bloody embarrassing when he goes to the mart and scores of kids yell out Hey Dad.
Truckloads of mail on Fathers Day and Christmas.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
They reckon the most confusing day in Culcairn is Fathers Day – and no one’s been anywhere near a sperm bank!
November 25th, 2008 at 7:25 am
Dear Miss KJ
We all missed you at the Australia after party – no one more than Baz..
I stayed late – I felt I had to. Long after Our Nic had shot through early – back to the US, and Our Hugh had disappeared into the night with Your Rog, there was Baz – clearly distressed, crying into his cups.
Frankly, I was worried about him, so I bought another bottle of Moet, put my arm around him, and said: strictly bloke to bloke -
What’s up Baz?
He was pretty incoherent, but through the sobbing he kept muttering: The Howard Years. The Howard Years. We don’t stand a chance. Better script. Certainly better actors – and, he sobbed, they tell the story, sorry the word these days is narrative, the real narrative of the real Australia. Frankly, my dear we’re all stuffed.
I, along with the rest of the real Australia, watched the Howard Years last night and I can see exactly what Baz means. The cast is wonderful. What about Peter “Porkies” Reith, as the lovable rogue? – But no one, I repeat no one does a love scene better that Alexander Downer. He looks absolutely gorgeous. Cheeks rosier than ever. And the remarkable thing about his love scenes is that he’s the only one in them.
Next week: How Georgie Loved Johnny. Can’t wait.