Email to:KJ Sends Love & Hope Message From Leeton
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As our dear correspondent, Dimentagon, always puts it: You find me FEELING Leeton. And what a feel UP it is. I am writing this in a quiet corner of the magnificent facility that is Leeton’s Major Dooley Library.
You may have heard of Major Dooley, The Ginger Man. He was famous for always being the first to ’go over the top’. He received no less than 37 citations for the ‘over the top’ Christmas Parties he organised for his men in both the Boer and First World Wars. Major Dooley’s specialities were Flaming Bombe Alaska and (to beat the regs) a gallon of beer jelly per man.
Anyway, I’m glad I’m in the library. The Christmas Eve atmosphere on Pine Avenue is somewhere between ‘electric’ and ‘knife-edged’. Whoever programmed the piped music this year is a genius. No Deck The Halls or Santa Claus is Coming To Town for us. I can still hear Ave Maria and before that, Bloody Mary Is The Girl I Love… (from my fave musical, South Pacific). So, SO appropriate because by my calculations, The Virgin Mary of THE moment should be about 5 centimetres dilated by now……
Oh my, I nearly forget to tell you this….
Yesterday, I was sitting on Pine Avenue when one of my sisters roared into the kerb in her big Commodore sedan. She flung open all four doors (the boot also shot up by mistake) and guess what? ABC Radio Riverina was playing They’re Your Bloody Family. True! Pump it up babe! I yelled. And that the babe did. To THE MAX. I can tell you now – NEVER in my wildest dreams would I have imagined KJ and Big Swifty blaring out of a Commodore’s speakers on the main street. If nothing good ever happens again, I am content…..that was enough.
So….here’s the links to the two KJ & Big Swifty tunes so you can give them both a nudge tomorrow (Xmas Day).
click-to-hear-They’re-Your-Bloody-Family
JESUS I COULD DO WITH A ROOT (All I Want For Christmas)
Meanwhile, we’ve decided to bring the pressure down and have an ‘anything goes’ sort of day. Just watch the Commodores pull up and see who falls out of them. One thing I CAN tell you though – we will NOT be eating outside, not even under the carport.
It’s just too dangerous!
Gee, the cockies are huge this year and they’re hunting in packs. We’re just across the road from Leeton’s leisure precinct, the historic Showgrounds and Trotting Track. There must be at least one-million cockies living and loving in there. Every morning, they take off en masse and do a precision fly past our house. Awesome, but I’d hate to be a Vietnam Vet. The noise, the formations……not good for PTSD.
Anyway, KJ hopes you survive tomorrow. And thank you all for being such wonderful members of our cyber community. And what a tricky little lot you all are! Full of plans, adventures and in the true spirit of Radio National, IDEAS! Lovers NOT haters, all of you!
Let me know how you’re going…….And I won’t ask you whether you’ve finished your Christmas shopping………I know you’re NOT that sort of people!
Much love, KJ.
….just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!
Prawn Cutlet Award
December 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Sorry KJ………I am one of those sorts of PRESENTS people. My shopping’s finished. Even managed to find BS a gift. Actually the lady at the local Op Shop was giving me some dress-ups for the school kids. She came up with A CARD OF FACIAL HAIR! Now some parents may object to their child looking like Cat Stevens (he’s back!) so I thought immediately of BS. He, no doubt, has been pulling all sorts of hair out with the nervy and all. Now how do I get it the CARD OF FACIAL HAIR to him?
Merry Christmas (and I swear to God I left the turkey at home – off to get another bird as I have travelled 350 kms turkeyless…
December 24th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Well, well Megsy: You said TRADITIONAL!
On the matter of the CARD OF FACIAL HAIR, just hang loose on that one for the present. BS is currently relaxing on the Lido Deck of a small freighter enroute to Monaco. Please DO NOT approach the relevant shipping authority. BS is a stowaway and is, I believe, incognito – ie clean shaven.
As always, God Bless You Megsy…..
December 25th, 2008 at 6:39 am
Merry Xmas KJ and all of the crew……
Definitely WON’T be coming your way these holidays. Last year, it was 44 degrees (in the shade?) and we all spent three days hallucinating with bad cases of sunstroke. The bill for having the sun spots burnt off was astronomical.
Enjoy yourself.
December 25th, 2008 at 6:46 am
As usual ExLeetonite, you exaggerate!
And if you REALLY want to hallucinate, may I suggest Griffith is more your sort of town? KJ
December 26th, 2008 at 5:31 am
Take note The Ginger Man – Griffith IS Greenland. Bear With Three Balls territory, no less.
December 27th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I’m currently working as a stewardess for Air Inuit. My mode of work is a 60 year old DC3. The passenger list (maximun 40) recently included a very odd character. I checked to see if he wasn’t part of the entourage of Stephanie Dion, Liberal candidate in the recent Canadian elections. That sadly was the last time the old bird was full, being leased to the conservatives. In seat 23B, the mystery traveller was heard only to utter Absinthe, absinthe on the occasions I asked if I could be of service. Wearing a muffler to his eyes, his face remained hidden. While we were crossing the Hudson Strait, the passenger became extremely agitated crying: Absinthe, absinthe, A for absinthe! He made a lunge for the emergency exit, pulled his old school tie and lo and behold that muffler became a parachute. As I also had been sipping the odd absinthe, I failed to notify the pilot. My guilt knows no bounds. I’ve trawled the net looking for answers: Where are you? Who are you? I can only pray my mystery passenger is safe.
KJ:
Dear Nell, an air stewardess!
My dream job – if NOT for my crazed, pathological approach to aerodynamics.
Would passenger KJ please go to the check-in counter, your flight is boarded and ready for take off. This is the final call for passenger KJ……
KJ (full of prescription calmatives) presents her (very nervy, very unsteady) self.
Hello there Sonia. Nice day for it. But I do not wish to fly at this point in time. Can I have my luggage back?
No KJ, you may not. Please proceed to the aircraft…..
Okay Sonia. As you may or may not know I’m in the business. So here’s a quote for the reporters who will gather right here when the news comes through.
Take this down Sonia:
Neighbours said KJ always said hello. But she was a quiet person who tended to keep to herself….
Goodbye Sonia. Have a useful life.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Local Knowledge,
Thank you and felicitations!
No fish.
Have just declared Hill of Beans open in Leeton (see other string) with the Schaparelli Family.
Why WAS everything so bloody Green?
December 28th, 2008 at 7:47 am
The Ginger Man – I NEVER EVER patronise the Schaparelli’s fish shop and I NEVER EVER will……
As you know Hec (dad) sired FIVE Lookers. The Schaparelli’s daughter, The Look, gave us all a very hard time. Especially since we produced TWO Leeton Showgirls, one Princess of the Paceway and TWO Belles of the Debs. The Look used to position herself just behind the winner’s podium and utter all sorts of profanities.
The Look has always been – and remains – VULGAR in the extreme…… KJ
December 28th, 2008 at 11:03 am
KJ, Please, no more Here’s Kidding at You, Look !
The Hill of Beans is in disarray thanks to its New Look.
Look has been evicted by the Schaparelli Family who are now looking like the Sopranos.
You’ll now find Look at the Roundabout selling fish skeleton brooches and necklaces.
She’s another victim of the Hill of Beans Phenomenon (see post in previous string).
Meg, please send Hair Card soonest as things are difficult here and I am about to exit past the Schaparelli cordon. Your disguise most welcome.
The Ginger Man
December 28th, 2008 at 11:33 am
We used to have a casual/fill-in teacher at Leeton Public School in the late 70s whose claim to fame was that she was Major Dooley’s daughter.
December 28th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Hello there Corbie Hill……
Insiders tell me that the teacher you refer to was in fact the Major’s daughter-in-law, Meg.
How are things in Corbie Hill? I’ve always thought Merungle Hill was more picturesque….
KJ
December 28th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
The Ginger Man may safely pass Look at the roundabout by dumping 1 kg of Fab Concentrate Frangipani (currently on sale at Go-Lo Leeton) into the fountain located to the north of the clock. The sight is like a full moon over the Letona Cannery – once upon a time before it closed. No doubt The Ginger Man is familiar with such distractions, being a graduate of many steps.
Forget the facial hair card……..not a colour match.
December 28th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Nell,
Thank you. My favourite TV show is Air Crash Investigation.
Whodabloodythought?
The Inuit are fine people.
Very hospitable.
We even had one at Bletchley.
The Inuit – as I say – are very welcoming.
They offer the stranger three seals, a Sea Lion and their eldest daughter.
The trick is to work out which is which.
The Ginger Man
December 29th, 2008 at 8:02 am
The Ginger Man,
Another strange and listed passenger, seat 33A, on that eventful flight was a Mr Bob Ellis. Did you by any chance share thoughts with him?
December 29th, 2008 at 8:04 am
The Ginger Man, Air Crash Investigation! – I never, ever miss it! I particularly love the bits BEFORE the troubles start – handsome pilots going through their pre-flight checks, efficient and friendly cabin crew making sure everyone/everything is in an UPRIGHT possie for take-off, the folks in the control tower saying ‘good morning American Airlines 434 – you are cleared for take-off on runway 4 etc etc…….’
THEN all hell breaks loose. And I always feel so sorry for the couple of passengers who (like KJ) have a crazed pathological fear of aerodynamics. What must they think? Everyone told them their phobia was irrational, that flying is safer than driving etc etc etc. What must they FEEL? Surely the toughest road to VINDICATION imaginable! KJ.
December 29th, 2008 at 8:10 am
The card of hair is yours TGM. I shall post it to Lesotho. Just a wild guess you are there investigating road accidents of note and the imbalance of trade.
December 29th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Intensive training for pilots. Emergency procedures. Flight engineers.
Shut down Number One!
Control to KJ 101 – the Vacant Lot (formerly Leeton Cannery) is available for Landing.
Perfect example of the Hill of Beans Phenomenon.
And you wonder why I drink absinthe pre-air, during air, post air for several weeks.
Absinthe makes the heart not ponder!
Local Knowledge, thanks for the tips.
I am in a bit of a fix.
Dare I fly out of here?
I COULD DO WITH AN ABSINTHE.
WHY ARE THOSE PLANES SO BLOODY GREEN?
December 29th, 2008 at 8:48 am
PS: Spent the night in the branch of a tree in Coolibah Street, then Magnolia Lane, then Acacia Avenue. Very quiet, like Darwin after Cyclone Tracy.
I seem to be in the Green Zone of Leeton.
Have you ever seen a Green Dawn?
Nor had I until now……
KJ: Beautiful! I always enjoy explaining that Walter Burley Griffin’s vision for Leeton centred on having EVERY Street named after the trees lining them. Thus, while Canberra is the ‘Garden Capital’, Leeton is WBG’s Green Zone town. The Ginger Man, please be aware that the local police headquarters are in OAK Street. Only the desperate or stupid would perch there for the night…..
December 29th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Dear Nell,
Thanks for your inquiry.
Bob Ellis was one of our best men, wonderful fieldcraft.
A top operative until Manning Clark turned him ( I think he used absinthe).
As the pilot said to the engineer who asked if the port and starboard engines and the landing gear WERE VERY SILENT THIS MORNING:
Thanks for asking.
December 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
KJ,
I sometimes fly with Vindication Airways.
Their slogan is a beauty:
It’s Only A Matter Of Time.
The great thing about VA is that they never actually take off.
Your seat is an upright position, the oxygen mask is ready to drop – you put your head between your knees. The woman next to you talks about how she had a dream last night, The man on the other side says he’s going to see a daughter he has not seen for twenty five years. A Lascar ground crewman fiddles with the door lock.
The coffee machine sends out the odd spark. A rivet drops in your lap. A hairline crack is noticed just below your window.
There is a groaning noise from the undercarriage,
The engines roar at full thrust, then die away.
Then everybody returns to the terminal.
You get the Terror without the Trip.
I really would recommend Vindication Airways.
It’s Only A Matter of Time!
December 29th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Rubbing my eyes and stumbling towards the airport I discovered the field I am in is called Black Box Field.
Ouch! I have stubbed my toe on another one. Ow! There’s another.
There must be scores of them.
White cockatoos are sharpening their beaks on them.
Ahead is the I’ll Drink As Much As I Bloody Well Like Flying School, which shares a hangar with the Friends of the White Cockatoo Society.
Why so black boxes?
It must be the Hill of Beans Phenomenon again.
I’ll be listening to some of these tapes quicker than you can say birdstrike.
December 29th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Next to Black Box Field is White Knuckle Cemetery and Aeronautical Museum.
Whodathought!
The inscriptions are very similar.
Most just say things like Vindicated! Vindicated!
There are a few that say things like
And you called me a coward?
or
Safety, schmafety !
or
Never Going Up Again.
Very moving.
December 29th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I know it’s been a fraught year for many. There’s probably someone you care deeply about who has been overlooked in the Season of Gifts.
Jane Austen Values can put us on the right path.
Please (enjoy!) go to:
http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/the-economics-of-pride-and-prejudice-or-why-a-single-man-with-a-fortune-of-4000-per-year-is-a-desirable-husband/
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Well hello and happy New Year Leetonites. I have just woken up from the NY eve festivities with a banana. Several empty bottles of grey goose and a couple of members of the Bowral over 18 girls choir of hard knocks. The place is a mess and I smell like coconuts. I think it’s Friday and I am yet to ask why I am dressed in a tuxedo and have a wedding ring? Don’t ask – it’s a long story and barely legal. It’s great to hear that you are getting airplay; keep on like this KJ and you will be on the cover of Ralfph soon enough. I hope that the Leeton festivities were up to par. I toasted you all at the Bowral woman’s auxiliary pre NYE cocktail party. “To Leeton, the home of Nice Rice” they all heralded!! Wow finalist in a blog award! You are nothing less than the real female cultural Icon of cyberleeton. As you can read by my incongruous post drink stupor, I am just doing a cyber pop in to say Hi Happy New Year and I will converse when I am more fit for human communication.
PS: Can anyone tell me how to get fruit salad stains out of the choir girls?
Feeling Leeton whilst Feeling whoosey
Dimentagon
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Dear Mr Dimentagon……it appears that you may have had a RELAPSE of some kind. Now…..don’t beat yourself up about it, particularly if there’s no court appearances involved in the mopping up process.
However, you MUST get the old Dimentagon back. Where’s your pride?
In the meantime – WE DON’T WANNA SEE THE LIKES OF YOU IN LEETON – or for that matter, in BARELLAN or WHITTON as well……..
Good luck. KJ
January 2nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Dear KJ, today I have been heavily involved in the construction of combination Wonton noodle soup. It was NYE and I am a music producer – you can’t just extract the rock star gene from me….it’s a genetic predisposition toward the occasional naughty night out. I can assure you that the Leeton girls choir is quite safe. I have my personal bouncer check their ID’s before they are let into one of my events. It was all good fun and apart from a couple of awkward moments when the parents picked em up, they were all delivered mostly minty fresh, clean and pressed. I had to whip down to the local chamber magistrate to check out the annulment situation and as it turned out, she owned the tux. I don’t know what’s going on but word spreads fast down here. I now have strange women winking at me in the Deli section of Bowral Woolies. So I have now undertaken my new year’s resolution. I will give up Tang and chicken loaf in 2009.
Feeling Leeton and a little better.
January 4th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Burley Griffin’s vision also included a very large open public space along the lines of Skansen or Hampstead Heath or the Tiergarten. If you look at his original plans, it is on there, in the space behind the water filtration plant, which ended up being occupied by the racecourse, golf course and Lin Gordon Paceway. It would have been a beautiful and unique thing but it got the kybosh.
Hello there Roma Street,
I didn’t know that! But I have to say The Leeton Water Filtration Plant is – and has always been – my favourite building (Sydney Opera House #2). Some would say it was brutish. Not me. Wonderful clean lines, those beautiful deco windows….reminds me of the best of the then Soviet ‘facilities’ buildings. It screams something VERY IMPORTANT, even secretive is going on behind those very heavy front doors. I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s been inside……KJ
January 5th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I’ve been inside. We were taken on a tour of it in primary school. This would have been in about 1977. I remember nothing about it but pipes.