KJ to Get Date In 2009!
VOTING IS NOW OPEN IN THE WEBLOG AWARDS – JUST CLICK ON THIS AND SCROLL DOWN A LITTLE BIT AND CLICK ON KJ – PAINLESS AND EASY AND BOY ARE WE IN NEED OF VOTES! Ta, KJ
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-australia-or-new-zealand-blog/
In the meantime,……Cliche, cliche BUT it is New Year resolution time.
Mine is very straightforward, unambiguous, indicative of KJ’s unbounding optimism, achievable if EVERYTHING goes my way, outrageous in its scope, breathtakingly brave AND metaphorically - the last exit to Brooklyn!
YES, YES, YES, Karen Dinesen may have had a bloody big farm in Africa but this time next year I WILL be (yes, yes, yes I WILL be) sitting here in Leeton writing: I HAD A DATE IN 2009.
And KJ…..what sort of a date was it?
Thank you for asking because it was THE PERFECT date. The co-dater, the dating enabler was very nicely turned out – pressed beige pleated trousers, new pale yellow shirt (at least $35) with surprising splashes of purple swirls, all man-made (isn’t science wonderful?!) loafers and yes, yes, yes, a green CRAVAT.
And KJ, was he a handsome man?
Again, thank you for asking. His face was far, yes FAR more interesting than merely handsome. His thick bifocals shielded piercing eyes of inderterminate colour. His untreated sun spots spoke of a life lived in nature and his much broken nose spoke of a short-sighted man who’d run headlong into many obstacles. He talked not much. Only these magic words: ANOTHER SERVE OF KING PRAWN CUTLETS KJ?
And after that?
I said I really couldn’t fit another thing in. But my dating enabler yelled: It’s on me KJ, it’s on me! Deep fried icecream.
And after that?
More, much more Riccadonna.
And after that?
A wonderful sticky, of course!
And did you go out again?
No. I stayed by the phone for several weeks as one does. Months later, the dating enabler ran into me (jarring my arm) in the cut-price personal grooming products aisle at Aldis……He didn’t even remember my name, I was just part of the game……..
I think I’ll go for a (quiet) little walk up the street now if I may…….
In the meantime, will you be getting a date in 2009? I’d love to hear about your New Year resolutions but only if they’re very personal OR very special. Particularly interested in hearing from people who’ll be TAKING UP smoking, exploring alcoholism, going UNORGANIC or turning to trans fats……
….just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!
Comment of the Week
December 30th, 2008 at 9:02 am
In 2005 my year high school had a reunion at a motel mid-coast NSW. I heard about it a couple of days prior to the event. No time to diet, practise sucking in or even have a wax.
In 2009 I’m going to GET OVER IT.
KJ, would that self-help cocky of Hec’s still be alive?
Ah Megsy, you are a sweetheart…….but I do suspect that something MORE happened at that motel. I’ve found that the only way to get over things is to do them again and again so they become NOT a source of shame but merely routine. In 2009, you MUST revisit that motel, book the same room – and again DO what you did in it in 2005. Over and over. Hopefully, there has been a change in management. Good luck Megsy, KJ.
December 30th, 2008 at 11:33 am
When in Hicksville…
Bought cowboy shirt. Very glittery with bright press-stud buttons, and whirly flowery bits on the top bit.
Always wanted one. Goes with Gibson L48.
A new life on Saturday Night Country?
Took Leeton lass to dinner (what IS it with these country girls and prawn cutlets – she ate the lot.)
She burped delicately, looked at the shirt and said,
VERY BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.
I lowered my voice two octaves.
So here I am still on the run in Leeton, a rhinestone cowboy headin’ for the R-O-D-E-O with a girl who thinks I am a poof.
It’s just one gigantic Hill of Beans Phenomenon.
Of all the Prawn Cutlet Cateries in the World, kid, why did you have to walk in here?
At the till, the caff owner while giving change began to hum Rhinestone Cowboy.
He’ll stop laughing when he discovers the PC remains in the glovebox of his Toytota.
Is there any end to this dark stretch of Humiliation?
Not since my encounter with the Gestapo Cross Dressers in Dresden have I felt so vexed.
It’s all just a Hill of Beans.
I may have to Give Up Leeton for the New Year.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Learn all five verses of Old Lang Syne.
Not to go home before midnight 31st Dec.
Not to break out in herpes simplex on 30th Dec.
Resist telling anyone who will listen that I have a little bird downstairs.
Leave Air Inuit (no option/ no reference) and seek employment with Vindication Airways.
Need any more, KJ?
December 31st, 2008 at 6:15 am
Hello Nell – this is the START of a very fine list. Particularly point THREE. I don’t think anyone in our little community would argue against these simple amendments. Let’s make it ALL of 2009 and thereafter. And let’s add ‘complex’ – making it herpes simplex/complex.
Okay with you Nell? KJ
December 31st, 2008 at 6:44 am
UPDATE: Am back from my little walk feeling ever so much better. Sat in Leeton’s beautiful Mountford Park and IT CAME TO ME. Let you be the first to know that Miss Julia Gillard and Mr No-Frizz (Tim Mathieson) will announce their engagement BEFORE January 30th.
I am right, aren’t I?
Any obs?
December 31st, 2008 at 8:05 am
KJ,
Congratulations on kerriejean.com being in the 2008 weblog awards list-best Australian/NZ weblog. A great boost for RN. Start voting. Can’t have KJ totally depressed in 2009-we all know she’s going to be disappointed in the dating stakes!
KJ: YES, YES, YES VIRGIN – THIS IS TRUE! THE AWARDS PEOPLE ARE GETTING THEIR VOTING THINGOS TOGETHER WHILE WE SPEAK. HERE’S A LITTLE LINK FOR YOU SO YOU CAN SEE WHAT VIRGIN IS TALKING ABOUT.
http://2008.weblogawards.org/
December 31st, 2008 at 10:55 am
I will not drink Absinthe.
I will not drink Absinthe.
I will not drink Absinthe.
I will not drink Absinthe.
I will not drink Absinthe.
I will not drink Absinthe.
In 2009
I will not drink Absinthe.
And I shall stop thinking about Megsy and Reunions.
I shall from this moment THINK GLOBALLY.
December 31st, 2008 at 10:57 am
PS I shall keep The Brokeback Mountain Shirt – rhinestones and all.
December 31st, 2008 at 11:22 am
Fraught the Coming Year May Be, but I Can Cope.
Indigenous people believe that the cure is in the bush growing near what has bitten you.
How right these beautiful people are – there on my coffee table lie sources of pain:
The Valedictory Address of the young Chairman of the Leeton Jaycees.
A Picture of Leeton’s Rugby Team with captain encircled.
A program of the Leeton Choral Society production of The Student Prince with name of leading man encircled.
A Picture of Pandora in Cannery Capers.
A train ticket.
But the cure is also right there on the same table. Ah, dear, dear, dear Austen.
Dearest Jane.
My resolution for 2009 is to follow The Ginger Man’s suggestion to Think Globally .
I am thinking Globally about how I can spread Jane’s message.
I shall continue to promote this wonderful site:
http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/the-economics-of-pride-and-prejudice-or-why-a-single-man-with-a-fortune-of-4000-per-year-is-a-desirable-husband/
December 31st, 2008 at 3:29 pm
KJ,
Forget Julia Gillard – get back to Mountford Park and see if you come up with an insight into the life of our sensational Foreign Affairs Minister, Stephen Smith, in 2009.
January 1st, 2009 at 6:46 am
Hello dear Megsy – You must stop thinking about our gorgeous FA Minister Mr Smith for he is TAKEN. And I predict he will remain TAKEN in 2009 and thereafter – he is simply: NOT for the TAKING.
BUT you DO appear to have an admirer – one who I suspect is and will remain very UNTAKEN. The Ginger Man’s head is full of fantastic images about what you did in that mid-coast motel room while at your school reunion in 2005.
Will you ring the police or will I?
KJ
January 1st, 2009 at 8:37 am
KJ
I think this was written with TGM as subject……………….
When the prophet, a complacent fat man,
Arrived at the mountain top,
He cried, “Woe to my knowledge!
I intended to see good white lands
And bad black lands,
But the scene is green.”
You know KJ the last word is actually “grey”. Apologies to Stephen Crane. Oh, all these Stephens!
January 1st, 2009 at 11:44 am
Become a monk?
There must be a monastery around here. Our Lady of the Hill of Beans?
A silent order.
Nothing but the sound of birds.
Through channels of coolness the bellbirds are calling. Are those the right words?
A monastery with no cellar.
A monastery with the Hours to mitigate human passion.
Decoding ancient manuscripts? Dead Sea Scrolls? A pushover after Bletchley.
The Hill of Beans Phenomenon can drive a man to desperate measures.
No fish. No women.
Whodathought? as BS puts it on that lonely freighter on a lonely sea beneath a lonely sky.
January 1st, 2009 at 11:44 am
KJ
Can I fix you up for a date? My thrice divorced brother is available the moment. Santa’s sack contained just that- the sack from the job he had held for 2 months- the longest ever. He’s really good fun, into risky behaviour and loves crumbed calamari. Should go well with your prawn cutlets.
KJ – Dear ExLeetonite – gee, that brother of yours sounds like a real catch! Just one question – was he sacked from a GOOD job. Call me a snob, but it’s important to me.
January 1st, 2009 at 11:45 am
Can’t find any listing for Vindication Air. Help?
January 1st, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Will the monastery accept aged madmen?
Purchased sunspot removal, beige pleated trousers, new pale yellow shirt (at least $35) with surprising splashes of purple swirls and loafers at Leeton Aldis.
I will, however, brave the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in the Rhinestone Cowboy Brokeback Mountain Superpoof Shirt.
Will the monks accept me?
Is the party over?
The end of the Line?
No Fish.
First question to the Abbot:
Why was everything a Combination of Blue and Yellow?
January 1st, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Dear KJ,
The only kisses I got last night were from two cops on pub patrol – the time was 9:30pm precisely. I’m breaking my NY’s resolution and going shopping. Off to DFO Essendon – a place so bloody big roads have been altered to cope with traffic. That’ll lift the spirits. SALE ON SILVER GIRL, SALE ON BUY!
Can I get you anything?
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Oh gosh Pandora and others. HNY. And to you Pandora I love Jane Austen and I’ve had a peek…. very nice, very nice but where are the wogs?
Jane Austen is of little use to me and my Mediterrean mid life crisis – in this heat – with my heart – even Jane would have to go outside and lie down under a bush.
Suffering from a combination of heat and digestive exhaustion her panting would only be relieved by rhythmic fanning with an end of her beach towel, causing sand to waft across her freckled nose as she ponders the question presented before her on Boxing Day- the question that will have to be answered THIS YEAR. Is it better to be a vampire or a werewolf?
There are many strengths and weaknesses admitted to by both foul creatures, and as a werewolf is incapable of killing a vampire and vice versa one might be seduced into thinking that they are equally terrifying.
But rushing into a decision like this would be a mistake. Vampires can’t eat garlic. In fact it was pointed out to me that it’s possible to finish off a vampire in this simple way. Put some garlic out in the sun, let it melt, pour it onto a steak covered with crosses and drive it into the creature’s heart. This seems a terrible way to die. However I can relate.
This Christmas I have had enough food driven into me to go all the way to hell and back and not stop for chips. And for once in my life you cannot blame the Greeks for my festive overeating as I’ve been hanging with an Anglo mob. I must be missing my real family, however, as I’ve latched onto a book on the destruction of Smyrna.
But back to the vampire question. Vampires like staying at home and are usually active at night (mm I like this). Some legends say even fruit and vegetables will become vampires if bitten by one so there’s plenty of scope for making new friends. Werewolves can eat dead people – a real advantage in tough times and if a werewolf dies it becomes human again. Tricky isn’t it?
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:45 pm
What I missed out on this Christmas:
My Aunt accusing my cousin of child abuse.
My grandmother calling my brother saying: If I die tomorrow I want you to promise that you will sponsor a Thai woman to come to Australia to care for your drug addicted brother.
The Serb (married to another cousin) going into to a tirade of antisemitism – focusing on recent crackdowns in Russia.
Children crying over their Christmas presents in disappointment.
Greek and loving it……GOD, WHAT SORT OF PEOPLE ARE THESE!!!?
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Dear Greek and loving it….as usual, you appear to have worked yourself up into a helluva state……people who think TOO long, TOO deeply tend to do this.
Now…..I really don’t think you can criticise Jane Austen on the basis of the paucity of ( your word) wogs in her works. Fine literature is fine literature…….how would you feel if I said that ‘Zorba The Greek’ had little merit because of the lack of people like me it it?
Now…..would I prefer to be a werewolf or a vampire?
VAMPIRE hands down. I dated several vampires as a teenager. I’ve still got the teeth marks on my neck to prove it. Wonderful reminders of more innocent times! KJ
January 2nd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Quick Quiz to help you Think Globally:
1. Leeton is named after which person :
Ann Lee, leader of the Shaker movement
Mary Lee (1821–1909), an Irish-Australian suffragist and social reformer in South Australia
Brenda Lee, American singer
Peggy Lee, singer
Bruce Lee, Chinese American martial artist and martial arts actor
Christopher Lee, English actor
Harper Lee, American novelist
Laurie Lee, English poet, novelist, and screenwriter
Shane Lee, a former Australian cricketer
Answer: None. Leeton is named after C.A. Lee, Minister for Works when the Murrumbidgee Irrigation Area was developed.
2. Leeton is:
5000 ft above sea level.
459 ft above sea level and sinking
Answer: 459 ft and boring.
3. What grows in the MIA:
Mongolian radishes
Icelandic lichens which cannot be lichened to any other growing thing
Maidenhair fern
Answer: Peaches, apricots and other fruit suitable for canning. The cannery is closed, but may reopen for canned laughter.
4. If you included the Rosses, what was the population of Leeton in 1947:
50,000
30,000
Answer: 3912. By 1954 it had grown to 5148. And many of them were sober.
5. Who is Leeton’s most famous daughter and why is it Kerrie Jean Ross
Answer: We’ll give you plenty of time with this one.
January 2nd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Thinking Globally:
What was the most famous speech ever made in the New South Wales Parliament:
Answer: The following:
The Hon. TONY CATANZARITI [9.14 p.m.]: Tonight I draw to the attention of the House a very special project that has been taking place in the town of Leeton in the southern New South Wales. For a long time the town of Leeton was the home of the Leeton Co-operative Cannery Ltd, an Australian-owned canned fruit processing and distributing company. While probably not as well known in its day as Arnott’s biscuits or Vegemite, Letona, as it was renamed in later years, was a brand of canned fruit that was distributed across the nation and throughout the world. The Letona cannery operated for 80 years, initially as the first deciduous fruit-canning factory in Australia and from 1935 as a co-operative cannery, with growers in the Murrumbidgee Irrigation Area as shareholders.
The cannery was the hub of the town, and it was the women of the area who formed the larger part of the seasonal work force. They came to Leeton every year to ensure the processing of the season’s crops, and their conditions were very often arduous and tiring. Recently the townspeople of Leeton realised that in order to capture the history of the company and its workers, they needed to ensure that a fitting tribute was in place so that the memory of their hard work did not disappear with the residents who could remember it.
It was decided that the tribute would be dedicated to the many thousands of women who worked in the cannery from 1914, especially during the war years, when the cannery operated non-stop, 24 hours a day, with a severely depleted male labour force, and before the introduction of a highly mechanised workplace in the seventies and renovation in the eighties. The women came from all walks of life: they were migrant women, especially of Italian background; they were local indigenous women; they were women from the city; and they were women from the country. They all worked together in the atmosphere of a family, without any animosity or discrimination. In fact, all the women benefited from the development of close friendships, which, especially during the war years, may not have occurred had there not been that opportunity to meet each other. I am told that these friendships persisted throughout the community of Leeton over decades since the irrigation areas opened and the cannery was established. In the context of these relationships, women of Italian origin said that the cannery gave them an entry into Australian life and that working at the cannery allowed them to quickly learn English, form friendships with local women, and help their families to become successfully established economically on the fruit and vegetable farms in the area. Their children also had immediate contact with the local Australian children of their workmates, and they all quickly became a part of the community.
A statue seemed to be the most appropriate memorial to the workers of the former Letona cannery, and it was decided that that statue should portray an image of the women who had worked in the cannery over the years because it was a very important part of life in Leeton for such a long time. It was felt that a monument to those women in some way would be a monument to all of the pioneering women of the irrigation area, wherever they strove—on farms, in families and in towns, all quietly contributing to the successful development of the region, learning to live in a strange country, sharing and communicating, and working together as friends and as Australians of different backgrounds.
The statue of the seasonal worker, which was designed and produced by local artist Warwick Deane, has been cast in bronze and stands in Leeton’s visitors information centre—an important historical site which was a former manager’s old residence in the Murrumbidgee Irrigation Area and a current focal point for visitors and residents. The statue was unveiled to the community on Easter Sunday, 11 April, at an impressive ceremony. It will evoke positive memories of the cannery, which was the pivotal hub of the community for so long. It is a compliment to the town of Leeton and to its rich history.
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:00 pm
The Ginger Man – the quiz thingo is rather a NASTY post. I was feeling a bit iffy even before I read it. Now, I feel really down in the dumps. Which is unusual for me because if there’s one thing we Leetonites are good at, it’s making OUR OWN FUN.
Thanks a lot. KJ
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Thinking Globally
What is the greatest threat to public health in Leeton?
Answer: Marrying a Close Blood Relative
January 2nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
I will re-arrange the letters in Del Boca Vista to spell bat loves acid.
I will set up a working committee to lobby for cocktail hour to coincide with medication time.
I will cut vents in my step-ins.
I will cheat at cards.
KJ: Hello Martha.
I will get a faster Segway.
I’m gonna get me some absinthe.
KJ: Del Boca Vista, Del Boca Bloody Vista! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a correspondent from Del Boca Vista. Am I dreaming?! Is someone really discussing STEP-INS? Not only STEP-INS but the need for more ventilation in the aforesaid garments?
We can talk Martha, we CAN talk!
January 2nd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Seems like you all need some cheering up down in the Area. I know….how bout Leetonpoloser? We can get C.A. Lee and the Irrigators with KJ and Big Swifty to do an open air at Mountford Park. I will bring my personal chef Kwon who can whip us a bucket load of Kung Pao chicken, plenty of rice down there. We can get it sponsored by Riccadonna.
I will speak to my people, I am sure there is a grant for this type of thing
Feeling Leeton
Dimentagon
January 3rd, 2009 at 10:17 am
Hello Mr Dimentagon,
I would just love to TEAR UP Mountford Park! I can see it, I can see it……! and I know Big Swifty is gagging to go live….
I’d like the concert to be held IN Mountford’s centrepiece, the huge aviary…… which last time I looked, wasn’t exactly overcrowded.
How ’bout we call the whole thing: CAGED!?
Now Mr Dimentagon, I’d love you to be involved from the ground up in CAGED! but I am a little concerned about reliability, particularly in light of your woeful performance on NYE. I just will NOT wear that old ‘rock lifetstyle/creative gene’ thingo.
Even within our little cyber community there have been too many casualities. Eg. Both The Ginger Man and Big Swifty are still in recovery following December meltdowns over three states and six continents. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t inevitable. Just two nervy men who flew too close to the sun lamp and got badly burnt! And now you…..running around the sedate Southern Highlands of NSW with delusions of udon noodle grandeur.
Mr Dimentagon, I want to see CHANGE, real change BEFORE I even consider you for the CAGED! project. No drinks parties, no court appearances, no udon noodle banquets, no dating…..NO NOTHIN’…..for nine days. Then we can talk. KJ.
January 3rd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
The bell clangs.
The Grand Gate opens.
The GL48, the Shirt, the Bag of Perpetuals, the Trinity Scarf, the Bletchley coffee mug and ashtray all piled outside for the passerby.
All is changed, changed utterly.
A terrible greenless beauty is born.
The bell clangs again.
The Grand Gate closes.
Another bell calls the house to prayer.
Adieu, my friends
The Ginger Man has entered.
January 4th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Helen Wellings is Leeton’s most famous daughter, surely. Her Macleans are still showing after all these years. Or possibly Linda Burney, who is a Minister Of The Crown.
And Ex-Leetonite – Leetonian is de rigeur. Leetonite is infra dig.
KJ: Got that Ex-Leetonite?!! How could I have NOT known that Miss Consumer Watchdog is a LEETONIAN?
Yes, Linda Burney (Leeton High alumni) is a contender.
Others?
Senator John Faulkner was born in Leeton but his family moved soon after (still counts!)
Mr G. Morris – John Howard’s former right-hand man.
Henry Lawson – came for a while to document the establishment of the Murrumbidgee Irrigation Scheme. Leeton was a ‘dry’ town and it was generally agreed that Mr Lawson needed to dry out. He hated the place.
Former Australian Cricket Captain, Mark Taylor. Born in Leeton but family moved on soon after (still counts!). KJ
January 5th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Peter Peters is from Leeton. His dad owned the old fruit shop in the main street about 20 yards up from the Wade Hotel.
Bill Roycroft is also from Leeton.
15-minutes-of-famer David Luff is also from Leeton. He briefly became famous as the media minder who wouldn’t let Fox FM interview John Howard during the election campaign.
January 6th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Dear Roma Street,
I’ll call myself whatever I b………..y well like. Educated by the Leeton black St Joeys and all that……
KJ, What about the naval officer who refused to go along with Howard’s Children Overboard story? Wasn’t he from Leeton? Very de rigeur of him!
January 6th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
That explains, Ex-L.
If you’d had a secular Leeton education you would have known that the LHS school magazine is called The Leetonian.
January 7th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Actually Roma Street, I did spend my last two years of High School at LHS. I learnt more there than the previous eleven years years at St Joes and St Francis.
I made contributions to The Leetonian as well as learning how to deal with characters such as yourself. Public education remains my passion.
January 8th, 2009 at 5:48 am
KJ – Now, now ladies catfight! And the only catfight we should be involved in now is the weblog awards…….keep calm, keep calm….!
January 11th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I am neither a “character” nor a “lady”.
January 11th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
I forgot to mention – the gorgeous and talented Kirsty Martin, principal dancer with the Australian Ballet, is from Leeton. She used to attend the Di Salvatore Dance Academy, which was located behind the Di Salvatore family’s supermarket.