Email to:Root For Xmas Sequel Track Imminent!
Pic: An unguarded moment: KJ & Big Swifty after historic recording session. Dec 04 2008. Studio 252, ABC Headquarters, Sydney, Australia. Jesus I Could Do With A Root (All I Want For Christmas) sequel imminent. Re-live the magic: Hear it again and again!
JESUS I COULD DO WITH A ROOT (All I Want For Christmas)
The day I let myself go. And I’m NOT talkin’ a dirty old Your Rights At Work T-shirt in Aldis; I’m NOT talkin’ 15 weeks regrowth (you tell me, woman or racoon?) and I’m NOT talkin’ four fake fingernails backed up by seven nasty naturals. No, I’m talkin’ CHANGED woman. I’m talkin’ reachin’ in, gropin’ around, cryin’ out: Anyone there, anyone at home…..? And then, an inner-voice, a voice I haven’t heard before, comin’ right back at me - IT’S ONLY YOU KJ, JUST YOU. OPEN THAT DOOR, KJ. IT’S YOU, JUST YOU..!
It all started like I thought it would. Big Swifty on the console, me behind the big glass window working what I thought was pretty hard.
THEN, in my headphones: KJ, OWN the bloody song, OWN it. It’s yours for the takin’ KJ…..it’s the tenner on the floor in Aldis, it’s the kiddieless sheila lookin’ at the unattended stroller…….it’s the Nimbin stoner/loner/boner on his first trip to Amsterdam……It’s yours for the takin’ KJ…..go on: OWN IT!
I stopped. I erupted……Alright Big Swifty, ALL RIGHT! I OWN IT, I OWN THE BLOODY SONG! And it doesn’t stop there either – I’m gunna buy those two songs up the road……..and do you know what?…I might even buy a song down the South Coast. And I’m gunna put a deck on that song….. and then I’m gunna rent that song out over Christmas. And you know why I can do that Big Swifty? CAUSE I OWN IT, I OWN THE WHOLE BLOODY LOT!
Big Swifty quickly pushed the record button and I can’t remember much after that. All I can see is BS’s big thumb in the air, two looks on his face (left side, bliss - right side, scared as hell) and a man from ABC OH&S suddenly appearing with a clipboard. I think I remember Big Swifty quickly signing something and shoving him out the door.
When it was over, nothing was said for a good 17 minutes. Then Big Swifty smiled: Meet the girl from Leeton who just bought herself a whole city block!
So, that was today. I don’t know how tomorrow will be. But, I do know it’ll be different because….I am different…..
Big Swifty says he’ll report in later. He just needed a bit of time by himself. When he gets like that he goes to bathroom fitting shops and says he’s in the market for a home spa. So far, he’s tried 567 demonstration models in 89 countries….
Gee, I’m buggered. But, as always, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s make our topic life changing moments. When, where, how? Life reversing moments are, of course, interesting as well……or you can report on on anything which takes your fancy…..
….just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!
Prawn Cutlet Award
December 4th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Scene: A remote monastery in Italy.
A man with the kind of beard Jesus NEVER wore is kneeling, weeping silently before a venerable, hooded Master of Monks.
The Man: I tried so hard. I thought life in the Fast Lane was for me.
Master Monk: Yes, my son, life can be hard, but it is also beautiful.
The race, however, belongs to the wise and the swift.
The Man: Swift? That’s me all right. Big Swifty (he sobs again).
Master Monk: What’s your real name, my son?
The Man: Big Swifty Arizona.
Master Monk: Arizona?
The Man: That’s the only place I ain’t recorded or killed a man in yet.
Master Monk: Perhaps a glass of our vintage wine might help to restore your troubled spirits, my son.
The Man: Your best pantry juice ain’t too good for Big Swifty, nosirreebob.
Master Monk: There you are. Tell me, my son, would you consider joining our brotherhood, our Order ? If so, I should caution you that it has a strict Code of Silence. We only speak to visitors such as your dear self.
The Man: Top me up, padre, not bad stuff. Yeah, well after what I’ve been through Silence would be GOLDEN! You wouldn’t have a fa- a ciggy, a cigar or a rolly on you?
Master Monk: Sorry, no tobacco, although Brother Pulmonarius left us a box of asthma cigarettes before he passed into Eternal Life.
The Man: They’ll do….anything…..anything. My nerves are shot. I told her: Stay focussed, girl, stay focussed, stay FOCUSSED! ‘ (he sobs again). The world’s at your feet, lass. Keep on message!
Master Monk: Many a broken heart has come here, my son. When I was a young missionary monk in Ireland I remember a distraught young soldier telling me of his lost love, far away in Leeton, somewhere in the Antipodes. (he sighs)
They were young, brave and foolish, and of course, madly in love. The world was at their feet. (he sighs again)
The Man: I told her, I told her. ‘Crilkey shmikey!
Let ‘em bellow,
Let ‘em howl,
Let ‘em trumpet
Who gives a shit?
The real business here is Art!’
Master Monk: Ah, a troubador in the tradition of Saint Francis!
Welcome, Brother Euphonicus. Welcome indeed. Come inside, my brother.
The Man (he sobs again): I told her, STAY FOCUSSED !
December 5th, 2008 at 9:25 am
The Ginger Man…….I think I remember Big Swifty saying something about me taking a vow of silence sometime yesterday. I am very aware of what such vows mean in REALITY……based on my knowledge of the closed Carmelites in Wagga. Instead of sitting around on their bums talking all day, they put out a great line of Catholic moisturisers, hand creams etc under the brand name Monastique. I’m a great fan of Monastique, particularly the correction cream for stigmata……..
December 5th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Life reversing moments? Well its only half 11 on Friday but here it goes:
Well you know all about Coffs Harbour so I won’t bore you further.
Finding out my wife was sleeping with our plumber. They ran off together. God I miss him….
Finally meeting legend Billy Thorpe and telling him how good he looked and two weeks later he was dead
Getting nominated for Song of the year and not winning; I still can’t listen to Leonardo’s Bride.
Having great sex with a fantastic girl who was doing her masters in archaeology and thinking: This is the one. She turned out to be a curious lesbian using me to satisfy her curiosity before returning to the fold. I was nothing more than a “rock fossil”.
There are too many to mention, in fact the mailman just arrived, I feel reversal coming on…….
Feeling Leeton
Dimentagon
December 5th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Thanks KJ,
Unfortunately, my Italian correspondent provides no detail of Brother Euphonicus’s subsequent monastic life, nor the effect upon other members of the community and their psalter (previously unchanged for many centuries). The community is internally silent, but is permitted under the Rule to make external communication. This leads me to ponder Vatican Radio, which I have not listened to for a long time. Has anybody noted VR resounding to a different beat ?
With a one and a two and…
A friend swears he heard Pope Benedict singing Dream Lover in his rooms.
Now that did not come from World Youth Day…..
December 5th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
It is a life Dimentagon, it is a life…….KJ
December 5th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Ginger, once again you astound with intimate knowledge. You seem almost…..omnipresent.
Now, my firm disbelief in all of the major superstitions, and many of the minor ones, bars the obvious conclusion that you maybe Him Himself, communicating with His creations using the vehicle of the blog.
That only leaves one other rather scary option.
Rogue CIA.
I say no more.
Anyway, spent a wonderful night with helpful shop assistant Jo in the bathroom section of the local Domayne, feeling very refreshed (thanks for asking) and am ready to get down and mix the new track as soon a I get a few other pesky projects outta the way.
And yes, the session was FRAUGHT!
(That’s KJ, not the Domayne…)
We’re all just happy to have made it out of that studio alive!
Lights were dimming, Master Control were on the phone, OH & S turned up (yes, I have been formally informed of the trip hazard on the 4th floor, no I won’t be using the vertical grill in studio again)…..and yet, something was wrong.
It was the vibe, the vibe just wasn’t quite there……the ambience……must do something …set the scene…..
It hit me like an empty wardrobe and a leaky tap.
“Crikey!” exclaimed the in-house engineer, muttering something about funding as I explained my vision.
Reaching into my pocket, I scattered a fistful of plastic cards on the desk, all alike – gold on the outside, red on the inside.
“Make it happen,” I said, sliding the one featuring a really great hologram of the King of Togo astride a freshly slaughtered elephant, toward him.
A quick trip to Aldi was all it took, and half an hour later, he was done.
It was magnificant!
There, on the other side of the glass, was a fully installed, fully functional, fully equipped and fully modular new kitchen!
KJ took one look: She was right at home, and she was away!
Up to now, we’d had a very blustery day down the beach, but from here on, Hurricane Katrina!
I just smiled.
Within no time, not only did we have another smash hit performance in the can, but a marvellous turkey dinner to boot!
Anyway folks, I’m off to deal with the greater powers, but I shall return, I shall return.
And I wish KJ all the best in the great fish pie bake-off this weekend.
BS
KJ: Since Big Swifty mentioned it……I travelled 360ks return to compete in that fish pie bake-off. Four competitors – I came third which felt like being at someone’s 38th, 46th or 61st birthday party – NOWHERE! Kevin B, originally from Temora, won. He now has a big Murray Cod statuette (very tactile if I might say so myself) on his bookcase. It won’t be there for long though. He’s taking it to work where the boys from R&D are going to mount it on the bonnet of the family Fairlane.
It really would be pathetic, VERY PATHETIC for me to remain cranky knowing all this, wouldn’t it?
December 5th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
You are a trend setter, KJ.
You give the media a word and the journalists – like Pavlovian dogs listening to a bell – jump on cue. Cats are not like that. Dogs have owners, but cats have staff.
After the moral outrage over your last skit these writing canines gathered for the farewell for Australia’s greatest columnist Alan Ramsey and after a few chardonnays were loudly declaring that the Sydney Morning Herald was Rooted! (I read all about it in an on-line outlet).
Another columnist, Mike Carlton, stood on a chair and declared the editor was gutless. Carlton (now re-instated) was sacked because he refused to cross the Herald picket line.
A few days later the editor quit. He was Rooted!
Then the Herald’s CEO quit too. He was Rooted!
Now the journos are saying the paper’s board is Rooted!
It seems nothing can prevail against this Rooting phenomenon.
Crikey, only a few days after its moral tut-tutting over your lyrics, has this headline today:
Rooted: Australian silence at UN climate change talks.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
BS,
I thank you for your wisdom.
No matter how fraught,
There is always
The ambience, the ambience, the ambience…….
The Ginger Man
December 7th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Dear KJ – life changing experiences……?
They’re like weight gain – hard to define but you sure recognise it (one) when you see it……..
So….when I was about 15 I saw on our black and white television – ‘A Tale Of Two Cities’. I was ENGROSSED. Then I head the words: ‘TIS A FAR FAR BETTER THING TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST….THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL….
I fell onto the carpet and wept. Over the years I have loved – and been booted, loved and been carpeted and even loved and ended up in the Family Court.
But, am I better off than if I had never loved at all? Judging from what you’ve let on so far about your romantic circumstances, I am in no doubt. AFFIRMATIVE!
December 7th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
WOW Megsy! You’re the first woman I’ve met whose soundtrack to her love life has been the French Revolution! Big Swifty (who is very EURO) will be gobsmacked! GUARANTEED! I declare you the bravest, most passionate correspondent in our little community….
I bet I know what you do when it all gets too much……KNIT!
And, don’t worry, I know I’m in NO possie to tell YOU to be more careful on the love front…..next time round……(wonder whether Mr Dimentagon is glad he’s loved and lost – and from what he’s let on so far – BIG TIME!)
Good luck sweetheart….KJ
December 7th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
KJ
What recent life changing experience has YOUR hairdresser had? Does BS frequent the same establishment? What size teasing comb was instrumental in producing the look of a first rate tart? Perhaps BS used all the wax?
Mocha on the pavements of Pine Avenue, Leeton, at Chrissy will require a straw…
Will Gwennie recognise you? Take care or it could be a life changing experience for her!
December 7th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Ex-Leetonite – The girls at Leeton High were mostly nice but (just like anywhere) there were a few real shockers…..
Gwennie used to say they were the balloon prickers….
Very, very interested to know who you hung around with. KJ
December 8th, 2008 at 6:17 am
YOU!
December 14th, 2008 at 6:30 am
KJ,
It is a shame there can only be one winner in a fish pie bake off.
I can see the headline after the R&D boys have completed their job on the Fairlane: “Excited fish pie winner mounts his trophy.”