KerrieJean.com

I’m choked up. Don’t know why. On the face of it, everything in order – split ends under control, wrinkles in remission, friends well-and- kooky, Macolm T looking terrified……

So, it’s NOT as if I’m beyond blue. Just mooching around….highly unusual for a self-proclaimed Instant Gratificationist. Okay, OKAY this is the THINGO: I’ve been been yearning for Jimmy Norman.

Jimmy Norman lobbed in Leeton every year for the Letona Cannery season. He was a neat little bloke with a neat little truck which pulled his neat little caravan down South after the cane season.

I was also at the cannery - on the peach line. The aim? Monitor every peach for brown rot, citrus scabies or peach-blot-riverine. Grab peach and cut out the bad bit: one thousand times a minute, 60 thousand times an hour, 480,000 times a shift.

Sorta press ya ovaries against the line and that’ll take the pressure of ya back…… (the old-hands counselled)

The first thing Jimmy Norman said to me: Would you like me to CAN your lunch little one?

Credit: Anthony Piraino: flickr

I was sitting on a packing case. Brought low. Ovaries on fire. It was a no-brainer:

Sure, I’d  LOVE you to can my lunch. How long you been canning lunches? And pray speak, WHO is this lunch canner who suddenly appears and makes everything bright…..?  (more…)

Gee, I’m touched. What a great little cyber community……

I’ll tell you a secret. While you all were going great guns over the last few days (mainly sharing humiliations) I was coping with my own:

ONE OF THE WORST CASES OF WRITER’S BLOCK EVER IDENTIFIED…….

Credit: thorinside: flickr

It was torture.  You don’t have to be Professor Schwarzenheim to deduce that there was a great anxiety- producing DISCONNECT between what I wanted to and what I was capable of writing. I’ve just had a look at some of the 60-odd lousy drafts I’d created since Monday…. (more…)

Happy Val’s Day – especially to everyone who’s expecting bugger all in the way of novelty items, foliage or fizz. To make YOU feel better, I am about to (at the cost of MY dignity) reveal all about an appalling date. Trust me, you don’t want to go through the likes of this – EVER!  Be thrilled that there’s absolutely NO possibility of this happening to you. Enjoy your day. And please let me know how you’re doing….

BUT…..if you’re NOT put off (perhaps because of those life-sucking obsessive-compulsive traits) and MUST send a Valentine’s Day message – this site is secure so feel free….

      ( Cr: confused vision: flickr)

THE DATE:

An acquaintance says: I find it impossible to believe that a vivacious (though a little bitchy) woman like you has not had a date in well, yonks. I know a chap who’d be great: Can I give him your phone number? (more…)

You should flirt more KJ……said an old, old friend as he gently approached his red snapper and mash. Gently because he’s got things going on dental-wise that NO-ONE should ever have to face, even with private extras cover. I’ll give you the full details (and they ARE interesting) on another occasion if that’s all right with you….

FLIRT MORE! WHY SHOULD I FLIRT? WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO? WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

Credit: blurasis: flickr

Because all women who respect their sensuality flirt….and, from all accounts, you used to be pretty good at it….if NOT a little vulgar on occasions.

Well my friend:  MY FLIRTING DAYS ARE OVER…….I’m NOT on this earth to make men feel better….I am here to volunteer my time for the common good AND make sure my footprint is on the Green side……..  (more…)

My friend and I always enjoy our outings……

Do you like my new bag? I ask…as we line up to enter the temple of Mr Cohen.

It’s quite nice KJ, although it does look a bit like you’re carrying a uterus………

My friend no longer has the power to hurt.

Not since she arranged a luncheon so I could meet a women who’d availed herself to a very cost-effective face lift at the Bumrungrad International Hospital in Bangkok. I have Dr Preeyaphas Nilubol’s card if you’re interested. And yes, he’s a whizz if you have a lazy five grand….

MY FRIEND AND I (AND MY NEW UTERUS) TAKE OUT SEATS IN THE TEMPLE OF MR COHEN………..

 Credit: Michael Foley; flickr

Who are all these other people?…..my friend asks….I don’t think they’ve been out since they tried to get arrested at a Moratorium march….. (more…)