KerrieJean.com

GUESS WHAT…?

……I’d heard about it….BUT I did NOT want to believe it…..I did NOT want to entertain the thought of people paying big money for gross stupidity - and THEN, I DID IT MYSELF!!!!

I speak of MOLECULAR or FOAM cooking.

The God of Foam is Ferran Adria. A night of Foaming Tacos at his restaurant, El Bulli, near Barcelona, will set you back 4,500 Euros (for four foam courses) or 5,000, with douche. Simply put, Molecular or Foam Cooking is doing ’scientific’ – if NOT illegal – things to tucker. For example, shooting laughing gas into it.

To further explore the power and mystery of real-time Foam Cooking (specifically Beetroot Vapour Using Lecithin), click ‘ere: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhfQlvlVg7A

And below, discredited never-to-be-seen-eating passe Foam Food.

cr: he@rt: flickr

And so it was I found myself with two mates (both foundation subscribers to ‘Delicious’) in a very snooty restaurant. The floor staff were extremely professional but their white laboratory jackets, disconcerting.

We had billed our night out as: 

The Rev Kev’s Highly Stimulatin’ Foam-Led Recovery Project.

So, what to have? To tell you the truth, I was secretly trying to avoid Foam. Spending YOUR money, I wanted to be respectful and order FOOD. I thought I did. The menu clearly stated that I was to be in receipt of a spanner crab lasagne.

But when IT came, the shocking realisation that I had been FOAMED against my will: Two foam discs the size of 50-cent pieces sat in the middle of a frisbee. And the scientists in the kitchen had rendered my dish crab-free. There were speckles of foam where once there had been crab.

My first instinct was to yell out to the intense men in the white coats.

……Go tell the freaks in the kitchen that NO-ONE plays God with my crab…………..

What is this joint…..some sort of crack lab for the skinny and filthy rich……..?

…….I have come here to EAT…….DOES THAT MAKE ME MAD, DOES THAT MAKE ME STARK RAVING MAD………?

BUT, I was too well-mannered for my own good. Always have been. Plus, I didn’t want to present like a hick in front of two foodie mates who know good Foam when they see it……

So, what does Foam (at $3,350 a gram) taste like?

Like the guts of a pav which Gwennie – in a rare moment of white hot fury – has (to show who’s boss) deliberately left out the sugar. She’s then pulled out an old can of tuna chunks, and wacked them into the diabolical mixture.

LET IT BE KNOWN HENCEFORTH:

I WILL BE DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO HALT THE CYNICAL CALVALCADE THAT IS THE GLOBAL MARCH OF CULINARY FOAM.

For the latest on the Foam Wars, click ‘ere…. http://www.thenational.ae/article/20090422/LIFE/704219964/1086/rss

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STOP PRESS!!!!!!

Cr:bohenrybohenry:flickr

**Living Latin, Learning Latin, Loving Latin Week Launched**

**DON’T LET THE RIGOR MORTIS SET IN**

(Sunday, May 31st – Sunday, June 7th)

**Introducing Mr Chippy’s FREE Latin for Beginners’ Cyber Modules**

*** Be in touch (or THEY’LL close us down). Do you cook with foam? Do you intend to cook with foam? Your favourite foam recipes?  What’s been happening in your life: foam or unfoam related? Does the thought of being a Latin speaker in just one week thrill or scare you shitless?

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!

Stop Press!!  New and groundbreaking The Ginger Man adventure unfolding in comments section – HELLO MR CHIPPY…..

cr:benrybobenry:flickr

Today…..an ugly story from an ugly culture: JOURNALISM.

This is a story I hoped I would NEVER have to write. But it is a story that must be told. It comes from a man, once one of Australia’s most revered medical correspondents: a man who has lived for more than 30 years with the consequences of the terrible events that unfolded at the inaugural International Cancer Congress in Sydney.

This is his story……  

Credit: christopherharte: flicker.

“…..I know it’s all changed now but back then, I really enjoyed dealing with the public relations blokes representing drug companies.

For example, once over a long and lavish lunch at the Wentworth Hotel, I accepted a sample of a new blood pressure tablet. I returned to the office with my eyes fast turning into pin pricks……another time, I trialled a similar medication as a suppository……same result……

But KJ, I NEED to tell you about that International Cancer Congress. I’m getting on and every time I see a story about journalists and ethics, I’m right BACK THERE……

The first thing I admit is that I was very friendly with PR people…..

Some journalists adopted the pose that they were above all that but at least I was honest.

I had the incontinence aids gold pens, the prostate test kit leather satchels, the haemorrhoid cream coasters, the asthma pump ashtrays, the lot!

Anyway, back to THAT DAY. The PR bloke (a very good operator) decided that, for medical reporters, it would be too tiresome sitting there and taking notes, listening to ALL of the speakers. So, he’d bring the the best into the ‘press room’ for questioning.

By 9am KJ, four medical reporters – all old hands – were holed up in this very plush hotel room.

*THE INCIDENT:

The next thing I remember is two hotel staff pushing a massive fridge on a trolley into the room. I clearly remember this because I’d never seen a fridge like it. It had double glass doors with several shelves. It had internal lights…….assuming a candlelight glow.

After the Goliath fridge had been set up, the four of us blokes just sat there agog. Then we pounced. Every type of alcoholic beverage imaginable: beer, stout, vodka, fine scotch, schnapps, gin, cherry brandy……..

Soon the men of the press were quite animated KJ…… 

The room was full of smoke and laughter. Servants appeared to refresh the drinks supply and empty ashtrays. We were all using the phone to say hello to current and former wives. Occasionally, guest speakers would present themselves. After a couple of perfunctory questions, they were dismissed.

*THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER:

It was around midday KJ that our busy public relations man brought in the star of the conference - the first top Russian immunologist to come here. He was a big bear of a man and appeared aglow with love for humanity. 

After I spent half-an-hour explaining my Theory Of Cancer, he gave me a strong and beautiful hug, lifting me into the air.  After four or five quick shots of vodka, the esteemed professor was returned to the conference proper.

*THE FALLOUT:

By the time lunch was wheeled in we were all arrestable drunk KJ.  We were dropping oysters and chickens on the floor. We feared for each others safety…..

(Source breaks down)

…………I cannot go on anymore about this particular assignment KJ, I simply CANNOT.

I have spoken out in the hope that young journalists will NEVER have to go though what I did on the day of that congress. I hope that they may negotiate well the rocky road that can be ethics and potential conflicts of interest.

*MOPPING UP:

I am sorry that things were NOT so clear back then. And I am sorry that I failed to file on what was a watershed date in the fight against cancer internationally.

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Well, well, well…….lots to think and talk about in here. Thank you to my source for being so honest. I’m sure you can appreciate how difficult it was. Are ethics important in your everyday life? Do you enjoy ethical dilemmas? Because what happened in that hotel room was more than 30 years ago, should it be even be brought up? Is YOUR life just one big conflict of interest? And, anything else….of course.

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!

There’s two words that really get me and Gwennie going:

FEDERAL ELECTION. 

A Favourite Pic From Gwennie’s Archive. Credit: rubenerd:flickr

While I can’t get enough of barnstorming pollies (wearing nifty net caps) while scooping regional produce from steaming vats, Gwennie is a walking, talking Morgan Gallop Doll. 

And Polling day USUALLY sees her spot on. 

The dramatic exception? On election night 2004, Gwennie was forced to issue an apology. Her statement was short, poignant: 

Unfortunately I let emotions cloud my pre-poll judgement. Mark started well. Then he went crazy. I KNEW he was a goner but, on numerous occasions, I failed to pass this information onto family and friends.

But the events of 2004 haven’t put Gwennie out of action. Only a short while ago, I was appraised of her latest predictions. 

****ALL talk of an Early Election is piss and wind. The Rev Kev and Malcolm T both know that The People DO NOT want one.

**** If The Opposition EVER looks like winning the next election, the Big C will pounce: 

A grown man CANNOT just sit there on the backbench smirking indefinitely. TALK about self-humiliation…..

**** And MY prediction (made on this site six months ago) that The Rev Kev would be hospitalised for a nervy by June this year was (quitely frankly) 

Bloody stupidity in the extreme…..CRIMINAL!!!

Now, to some news on the personal front……

My best little mate, The Commandant, turned 50 this week. I would like to tell you we danced long nights away in pirate-themed theatre restaurants, all the while gulping from coloured fountains of botox. That we sang It’s Raining Geriatric But Potent Men at the tops of our voices. That we blew The Rev Kev’s Highly Stimulatin’ financial gestures on aerodynamic G-Strings developed and tested during lonely missions endured by Space Shuttle personnel……

But NO.

We Coulda Had Fun. Credit: Michael Dawes: flickr

The Commandant demanded that things on her 50th proceed as usual. That we’d done okay for 30 years, so why change?

So, there we sat.

Me: I wasn’t sure about you letting your hair go grey Commandant. But now, I like it very much. More and more it’s starting to look like The Rev Kevs’  – wispy verandahs over the forehead can work….they really can.

The Commandant: True….AND wispy verandahs can really soften faces. Not that I’m worried. Have you at least CONSIDERED getting a fringe?

Me: You know I can’t manage layers of any kind Commandant, you know that. Are you SURE you won’t let me whip up something special for dinner. I’m thinking Chicken Maryland with crumbed bananas, pineapple, corn fitters and mash. ALL the trimmings on this special day.

The Commandant: Thank you KJ, but no and I mean NO.

Me: Is there anything, ANYTHING I can do to (group sex excluded) to make your birthday better?

The Commandant: No offence but you could shut up KJ……..you really could….

…….And an early night was had by all.

On a happier note, Bonus!!!!: The Ginger Man has already filed the next instalment in what I declare his best adventure yet: Night Of The Long Foxes.

 So, watch out for that in comments section. (credit: law_kevin: flickr)

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******Lots to talk about: Is Malcolm T hotting up? Is Gwennie right – THE PEOPLES want to let the traditional democratic cycle run its course? Can The Rev Kev – who (let’s face it) is not eating much -  still make my deadline and have a nervy in the next two weeks? What makes for a best friend? Should you ignore 50th birthdays when you’re told to? Anything else? And don’t forget, new posters not only welcomed….TREASURED!

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!

*In Leeton, no one gives THEIR Gwennie flowers. Instead, a simple peach is offered. Credit: +fatman+: flickr

I talk to Gwennie on the blower at least once daily. But, the call rate can go up significantly if I’m nervy.

So, it was hard (just a while ago) to make THE Gwennie’s Day call special.  But, I revved myself up and away we went…………

Happy, HAPPY Gwennie’s Day Gwennie! You little hound dog, you loyal little bugger, you mad, (sometimes give-me-the-shits-bad) little bugger, you little goer, you long-standing best little mate…….

Thank you KJ. Cold here in Leeton…..Winter is upon us.

You, you little rotweiller WITH brains, you little quietie (always runnin’ your own race)….you know how much I love ya.

We’re getting into dangerous territory here KJ…..DANGEROUS TERRITORY!!!!

As usual Gwennie, two Gwennie’s Day perms in the mail…..TWO PERMS IN THE MAIL…..

I love my perms…….love ‘em. All thanks of course to KJ, the perm funder.

See Ya Gwennie….

And KJ, will at ya (at least) THINK about getting YOUR hair cut?  You’re starting to look like one of those trussed-up birds from ‘Dynasty’.

See ya Gwennie…..

********BONUS BUDGIE NIGHT PREVIEW  (from our special Budgie correspondent)

Cr: jvverde:flickr

Budgies are descending on Canberra for the biggest Budgie Night since ‘29.

Bjelke-Petersen used to feed the chooks but The Rev Kev is feeding the Budgies. It’ll be the biggest thing since The Tennessee birdwalk.

Budgie Night predictions?

Will every Australian citizen receive a Highly Stimulatin’ Budgie in the mail?

NO.

Instead, Mr Swan will announce that The Rev Kev has decided that every Australian householder will receive a BREEDING PAIR of Budgies. And six months supply of Highly Stimulatin’ seed.

Futhermore, there’ll be a water bowl, a little plastic wheel and a years supply of beak sharpener. PLUS a DVD: How To Care For Your Budgie During The Great Recession.

Futhermore, Furthermore…….A Budgie Bill Of Rights will be introduced:

No Australian Budgie will live in fear by the Year 2020.

*Sources close to The Rev Kev have just told me that he’s about to go on National Television to remind us:

ALL BUDGIES HAVE MOTHERS.

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Lots to talk about……..Mummies, The Budgie, Your Traditional Budgie Night Ritual, Great Budgie Nights, YOUR Budgie Predictions…..

Anything else? And I mean ANYTHING.

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!

*On the occasion of The Rev Kev’s re-instatement of Highly Stimulatin’ chain gang employment schemes.

In 1975 - already showing great potential to mess my life up - I found myself on a chain gang as part of Gough Whitlam’s Highly Stimulatin’ Regional Employment And Development (RED) Scheme.

My official title? Apprentice Painter, Leeton Shire Council.

Cr: limonda: flickr

I found out that I was to be part of the RED Scheme when an apparatchik pushed ’call up’ papers under Hec and Gwennie’s front door.

I was under the doona in the sleep out. I’d been there for quite some time since a drama filled three-week false start at a tertiary institute (Drop Out/Sleep Out), followed by a nerve-racking stint as a brown rot spotter on the two-fruits line at the Leeton Cannery.

Hec and Gwennie were besides themselves, fearing they’d produced our family’s first bona fide Bum in a long line of Borderline Bums. But now, hope re-emerged.

Under the auspices of the RED Scheme, perhaps The Bum would pull her head in….PARTICULARLY as she’d been given the opportunity to make history. 

For The Bum’s chain gang was made up of the first women working on the Leeton Council’s Outdoors Staff.

And so it was that The Bum turned trailblazer came to paint (’treat’) the rails on Palm Avenue’s twin sporting complexes, The Number One and The Number Two Ovals.  By the way, since then, a third oval has been added. 

HOWEVER, Civic Fathers wilfully ignored tradition. It should be The Number Three Oval. Instead, it is named in honour of Mark Taylor who I understand was conceived in Leeton.

But, back to 1975.

There I was in a Redlegs jumper (Tuning In and Tuning Out to to Radio 2RG, Griffith) while mixing and slapping on gallons and gallons of industrial products…… which all had names ending in ide and DANGER, DANGER DANGER written on the cans.

The days turned into weeks.

The only break in routine came when we were plonked on the back of a Council truck, driven slowly through the main street and dropped at the Southern Hemiphere’s most spectacular mountain of apricot and peach stones, the Cannery Tip. Here we would scavenge for tins intact enough to mix our potentially lethal ides in.

By then, my thoughts were on a loop.

I MUST go to the St Joseph’s novitiate in Goulburn…..I MUST marry a rice farmer, I MUST fight my natural instincts towards Bumdom, Junie Morosi MUST have liked Jim Cairns, Jim Cairns MUST have liked Junie Morosi, I MUST get control of my ‘ides’…….

I was a very confused community infrastructure strengthener.

But, to tell you the truth, my history making time as a RED Schemer only marked the start of an appalling year - both for me and Mr Whitlam.

In the lead-up to The Sacking, RED Schemers had not only killed off the turf at The Number One and Two Ovals with ides but were also embarking on an urgent project to rid our town of marauding (hairy) cedar grubs. OH&S became paramount. There was talk of masks and washing up gloves. Talk of ides tested in Vietnam. 

By the time of the implementation of The Leeton Community Emergency Cedar Grub Eradication Programme and then The Sacking, I had moved on…..MORE than once.  As promised before, I’ll give you more details when I feel stronger.

 *There was a manufacturer’s thingo etched in the rails at Number One And Two Ovals. It said something along the lines of: Don’t worry about treating this.

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Must hear from you as usual (or we’ll get closed down). Have you ever had a period of deep confusion? Did you handle it better than me? Have you ever been on a chain gang? Did you take sandwiches or pop up the street for lunch? Is The Rev Kev on the right track with his updated community chain gang plans? Anything else on any matter?

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!