Happy Gwennie’s Day! Plus Bonus Budgie Night Preview
*In Leeton, no one gives THEIR Gwennie flowers. Instead, a simple peach is offered. Credit: +fatman+: flickr
I talk to Gwennie on the blower at least once daily. But, the call rate can go up significantly if I’m nervy.
So, it was hard (just a while ago) to make THE Gwennie’s Day call special. But, I revved myself up and away we went…………
Happy, HAPPY Gwennie’s Day Gwennie! You little hound dog, you loyal little bugger, you mad, (sometimes give-me-the-shits-bad) little bugger, you little goer, you long-standing best little mate…….
Thank you KJ. Cold here in Leeton…..Winter is upon us.
You, you little rotweiller WITH brains, you little quietie (always runnin’ your own race)….you know how much I love ya.
We’re getting into dangerous territory here KJ…..DANGEROUS TERRITORY!!!!
As usual Gwennie, two Gwennie’s Day perms in the mail…..TWO PERMS IN THE MAIL…..
I love my perms…….love ‘em. All thanks of course to KJ, the perm funder.
See Ya Gwennie….
And KJ, will at ya (at least) THINK about getting YOUR hair cut? You’re starting to look like one of those trussed-up birds from ‘Dynasty’.
See ya Gwennie…..
********BONUS BUDGIE NIGHT PREVIEWÂ (from our special Budgie correspondent)
Cr: jvverde:flickr
Budgies are descending on Canberra for the biggest Budgie Night since ‘29.
Bjelke-Petersen used to feed the chooks but The Rev Kev is feeding the Budgies. It’ll be the biggest thing since The Tennessee birdwalk.
Budgie Night predictions?
Will every Australian citizen receive a Highly Stimulatin’ Budgie in the mail?
NO.
Instead, Mr Swan will announce that The Rev Kev has decided that every Australian householder will receive a BREEDING PAIR of Budgies. And six months supply of Highly Stimulatin’ seed.
Futhermore, there’ll be a water bowl, a little plastic wheel and a years supply of beak sharpener. PLUS a DVD: How To Care For Your Budgie During The Great Recession.
Futhermore, Furthermore…….A Budgie Bill Of Rights will be introduced:
No Australian Budgie will live in fear by the Year 2020.
*Sources close to The Rev Kev have just told me that he’s about to go on National Television to remind us:
ALL BUDGIES HAVE MOTHERS.
********************************
Lots to talk about……..Mummies, The Budgie, Your Traditional Budgie Night Ritual, Great Budgie Nights, YOUR Budgie Predictions…..
Anything else? And I mean ANYTHING.
Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!
May 10th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
BUDGIE NIGHT PROTEST SONG
All we are saying,
Is give budgies a chance…..
All we are saying,
Is let all budgies dance….
All we are saying,
Is give budgies romance…..
All we are saying,
Is let the birdies go free….
All we are saying,
Is chirp, chirp to thee.
All we are saying,
Is let budgies fly free.
May 10th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Dear KJ,
Every day is Mother Day in Sicily. Everyday is Lady day.
Every day is KJ DAY because she is BEST LADY I know in this beautiful land.
Tutor tell me that sometime ‘less is more’. Fabio don’t really understand these words, but I trust tutor because she never do anything to hurt her students.
Megsy is also good tutor. I love Megsy too.
Love to all of my new cobbers,
Fabio.
Dear Fabio, you are a walking, talking big ball of amore. And for that, we are all thankful…..KJ.
May 10th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Dear KJ,
YOU make ME nervous.
Poor Gwennie being spoken to like THAT on her own special day.
In the meantime, hasn’t the second Sunday of May changed?
In the country – at least – that’s the case.
Market days/swap meets are where the families go.
No, not to swap Mums but to get Mum a pressie.
Weird no brand trackie daks, Harley D’s scarves (I think…maybe certain colours that would make mother an unsuspecting target), Mills & Boons (five for a $1), chrysanthumns $3 a bunch.
BLOODY MARVELLOUS!
Dear Megsy,
I think, I THINK I remember Gwennie having a few giggles during our call. BUT, I will double check with her to make sure we were BOTH having fun.
What’s a Harley D scarf? Should I have one? KJ.
May 10th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Here’s to all my family and other Australian Greeks who regularly meet at weddings, funerals, christenings, Christmas, Australian and Greek Easters, birthdays, name days, divorces AND signing of important document days.
BUT, you could not call us sentimental.
Today, we gathered at cousin Maria’s place who has bounced back from a messy split caused by her (now former) husband’s addiction to online porn. Maria’s become a grandmother again.
And we toasted my absent husband who confessed (just before flying out of the country) that he once quite fancied a female colleague who he’s now in the Sudan with.
I’m not worried. I still have my looks and I’ve fought many demons.
I have two sons and a fridge that will last out my lifetime.
I have some friends and thank God they’re not that interesting and so can ill afford to give me over.
Happy Mother’s Day Mum.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Dear Kerrie Jean,
For the first time for a long time I have just had a dip in the Parliament House swimming Pool – (I stopped going for a while after a very unpleasant incident in the fast lane involving Mark Latham) – and you wouldn’t believe what I saw -
Wayne Swan in his budgie smugglers!
To be honest, Wayne used to be a rather nervous swimmer, never leaving the shallow end, but recently he seems to have gained enormous confidence.
Today, he was disporting himself on the starting blocks like an Olympic diver – twirling around as if to say:
LOOK AT ME……
LOOK AT ME.
Actually, a girl doesn’t like to look too closely………as I’m sure a good Catholic girl such as yourself would appreciate BUT I couldn’t help noticing something rather peculiar about Wayne’s cossies…….
a bit like Mona Lisa’s eyes…
Wherever you were in the pool, they seemed to be watching you
(albeit with one eye).
Stranger still, Wayne’s budgie smugglers appeared to look different from different perspectives.
At one angle, they were a tight pulsatin’ stimulatin’ package – bursting with goodies.
And then again from another angle (down at the shallow end) they were disappointingly droopy.
I know you have good contacts in the Federal Press gallery – please can you put this girl out of her misery, and tell her exactly what Wayne’s up to?
Yours sincerely,
Libby Pearls.
PS: Whatever happens to be lurkin’ in Wayne’s budgie smugglers, I’m fortunate enough to have a private pool back home and I’m happy to say that Jose – my Latin American pool guy – continues to give me wonderful service.
Dear Libby Pearls,
This is the sort of Pre-Budgie night material any editor would kill for! Number Crunching on a human scale….THE Number Cruncher as both Treasurer and Everyman.
I have been in touch with a former colleague who’s now doing quite well for herself in the bitchy, dog-eat-dog culture that is the Canberra Press Gallery.
I asked her about Wayne and his pool activities. Dead silence on the line. Then she said: What happens in the Parliament Pool STAYS in the Parliament Pool. You should know and respect that KJ, you really should.
REALLLLLLY, I said. You’ve changed. It wasn’t sooooooo long ago, YOU used to ring ME with all sorts of Canberra goss. Enjoy the Budgie Lock-Up.
Goodbye KJ, she said.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Dear Greek and loving it,
Were Bill Gates and Google named as co-respondents in poor Maria’s divorce case?
May 11th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
BUDGIE I MISS YOU…
See the tree, how big it’s grown
But friend it hasn’t been too long,
It wasn’t big……
I laughed at Budgie and she got mad,
The first day that she flew on it, was just a twig…..
Then the first snow came,
And she flew out to brush the snow away
So it wouldn’t die…….
Came flyin’ in all excited,
Into her cage and wheel
And I laughed till I cried…..
Budgie was always young at heart,
Kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her so…..
And I surprised her with a lover-bird
And they both kissed…..
And Budgie, I miss you,
And I’m bein’ good…..
And I’d love to be with you
If only I could.
One day while I was not at home,
While she was there and all alone
She flew away….
Now all I have is memories of Budgie,
And I wake up nights and call her name.
Now my life’s an empty cage,
Where Budgie lived and Budgie chirped
And love grew up….
And Budgie, I miss you
And I’m bein’ good,
And I’d love to be with you…
If only I could.
HONEY….this is fine work.
Oh yes it is HONEY…..
* To add sparkle to your traditional Budgie Night singalong, print out TBL’s pearls, hand around copies to wide-eyed participants and click ‘ere.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59BZxgohr9g
And away we go again…..! KJ.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Fetsina (nee Brekkie) is recovering from her first Gwennie’s Day.
She finished off the soup bone. Growled so much I couldn’t get near her or the Five Super Puppies.
But finally got Fetsina and the Super Puppies into the Morris Traveller and arrived at old chum Lord Fartingdon’s pile in Surrey, late last night.
When Farty answered the door, he had one of his late mother’s ball gowns on and his hair was in curlers.
He was not sure on his feet:
My Mother was an aristocratic old bag…….were his first words.
Then he stumbled over to the Morris Traveller, looked in through the back window and saw the super puppies.
He said: Bloody Marvellous Puppies, Bloody Marvellous. Come and meet The Foxes.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
I have just been invited to a Budgie Night dinner.
The dear host informs me that it’ll be a ‘medley of pastas’ – and he hopes to bring it all in on LESS than $2:30 per guest.
There’s six guests – that makes a grand total of $13:80 (if the price of durum wheat remains stable overnight).
I’m taking half a can of flat diet ginger ale for personal consumption and (for dessert for everyone if they’re still hungry) a plate of six arrowroot biscuits. I will be icing them.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Tears before Budgie Night?
ABC News tells us a PARROT is to blame for Job Losses!
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/05/11/2566058.htm
May 11th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
I’m already beating the Pre-Budgie Night blues singin’ along with Bobby Goldsboro and The Big Lebowski AS AN ACT OF COURAGE.
‘Til this was put up I was fightened to go out onto the streets on Budgie Night.
Just as long as Pete The Big C doesn’t start break out with:
Johnnie I Miss You and I’m Being Good……….
May 11th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Budgie Night comes once a year,
But I just have myself a beer…..
What the heck?
Ben Chifley I miss you
And I’m bein’ good……….
May 11th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I had retired early after copious draughts of Old Tweedledum malt whiskey fed to me by mine host Lord Farty who had celebrated Mother’s Day by burning every picture of his mother.
Must keep warm, y’know, they’ve cut the power off, damn them.
As Fartingdon mounted the stairs to my chamber he banged with his carved oak stick on each ancestor’s portrait:
Coward…He Ran Away at Balaclava….. Drunkard…. Gambler….Pederast…Embezzler…..Murderer of Foxes….
At the last he burst into tears:
But we are about to FIGHT BACK! THE DAY OF PAYBACK HAS COME…THE DAY OF RECKONING…
Earlier he had shown me around the Barn, once a medieval dining room.
It was filled with hundreds of foxes, many of them pregnant or in the process of becoming so.
Fetsina (nee Brekkie) and her pups were snuggling up with the foxes.
WE’LL SEE WHO THE VERMIN ARE IN THE MORNING (bellowed Lord Farty).
The foxes bared their little fangs, as did their solitary hound guard dog.
SHOW NO MERCY (roared Lord Farty).
DID THEY SHOW YOU ANY MERCY THOSE ARISTOCRAT SONS OF BITCHES (sorry girls) NO WE’LL GIVE THEM WHAT FOR IN THE MORN.
As dawn broke I heard tan tivvy tan tivvy, tally ho from below, and there was Farty on his big white horse….pink pantaloons, jodphurs, pink top with orange polka dots, crash helmet and a purple scarf on a stick with the image of a feral fox at bay.
You could not see a patch of green for the foxes.
The five Super Puppies were joining in the fun of the fracas.
C’mon The Ginger Man (said Lord Farty) You’ll be late for the battle.
Tally ho, boys, tan tivvy.
Not since the feast of Crispin Crispin,
Has such a gallant host assembled……
On this St Asprin’s Day who would lie abed.
If we fall then call him blessed who died with the guts of a hound or a chicken in his gob.
Tally Ho!!
I hurried downstairs, wrapping my Trinity scarf around me to ward off the chill.
D’ye ken Fartingdon in his coat so pink
With his foxes and hound in the morning…..
May 11th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
I had my harp with me and I struck up the strains of The Men Behind The Wire.
Lord Farty bellowed his own English lyrics…
Drunken earls, hounds and their guns
Came to take away our sons,
But every fox must stand behind…
The fox that’s under fire.
In the little holes of Surrey
In the dark of early morn,
Drunken lords were in a hurry
Breaking little dens with scorn.
Hear the sobs of crying foxen
Dragging baby Foxies from their beds,
Watch the scene as helpless Vixen
Watch the blood fall from their heads.
Not for them a judge or jury
Or indeed a crime at all,
Being Foxies means they’re guilty
So they’re guilty one and all.
‘Round the world the truth will echo
Drunken lords are here again,
England’s name again is sullied
In the eyes of honest men.
Drunken earls, hounds and their guns
Came to take away our sons,
But every fox must stand behind
The fox that’s under fire.
May 11th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Can we win? I asked Lord Farty?
Win? We have air support!
I looked up. Sure enough there was an Air Force.
The sky was green and blue, packed with squadrons of Killer Budgies
May 11th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Dear Friend KJ,
I read your tributes to Gwennie. I have been off work today and cannot return until I divulge that Marry Me does not have a mother. I spent 16 years in an orphanage, well cared for.
Do you mind if I have a ‘time share’ with Gwennie?
Oh dear, The Ginger Man, you must divest yourself of Farty Friend immediately.
I do not like to interfere in others’ lives, but this is an emergency.
I was on RED alert when he referred to his Mummy as an ‘old bag’.
I love Festina’s (nee Breakfast) Five Super Puppies so much already.
KJ, I have not been invited to any Budgie Night ANYTHING. Please think of your friend as you eat those iced Arrowroot bikkies. I usually devour a whole packet of Monte Carlos when watching CSI Miami Vice.
Dear Marry Me,
Of course we can ‘time share’. You can have Gwennie every Tuesday night and every second weekend. KJ.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:01 am
The Rev Kev – on Budgie Day 2009 – I am beaming you up….
I am a great admirer of your work. I have a vested interest in your health.
How are you feeling? Confident? Nervy? Are you on solid ground? Are you (secretly) miffed that it’s Swannie’s Day?
Keep your eye on the main game The Rev Kev – which is to Make Malcolm The Scourge quiver in his million-dollar boots.
With Respect,
The Comer.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Dear Red Knuckle The Courageous,
You DON’T have to go Clubbin’ with me to know how brave you really are.
Along with Bobby G & The Big Lebowski, keep heaving those hips. (I admit that I had to search to find out who the hell Bobby Goldsboro was).
Now, he’s in my faves queue.
Ready and willing to learn from Fossils. That’s a compliment!
May 12th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Dear KJ,
Have to be quick. I’m back at work. Put in a Dr’s certificate for yesterday’s absence. It merely says: Absent due to a medical condition.
Thank you for your most generous Gwennie time share offer. I am overcome at the prospect.
Quick. The Ginger Man, I recognise you as a man of integrity, wit and genius. Perhaps I am being a little touchy…..but please tell me that you do not condone that beastly drunken lord’s behaviour.
Lord Forbid!
Miami Vice, unlike the Budgie, is real. But I will be watching Wayne’s World unfold tonight. I’ll be gulping down a celebratory monte carlo every time the poo-bahs get reined in.
Boss in sight.
Dear Marry Me,
And perhaps a little alcopop or two to go with those monte carlos? KJ.
May 12th, 2009 at 10:07 am
On the plain below gathered the Vicar and his flock.
The ladies with their Versace scarves, trim frocks and soft leather slip-ons. Their spouses talking of servant problems and gipsy effects on property values.
On the horizon gathered a Mighty Horde.
May 12th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Hi The Dude,
Too late for Bill Gates and Google to be co-respondents in poor cousin Maria’s divorce.
I’ll keep that idea in mind though as we are approaching the Season Of Divorce.
May 12th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Warning!
Everyone look at the Budgie fine print.
Into my possession has fallen the Budgie Papers 2009.
In the attachments, it is disclosed that Budgie benefits will not come into operation until the Year 2056.
And they are to be seed tested and restricted to Budgies with one-point-three chickies.
Public Housing for Budgies will not come into operation until The Year 2090.
However, a committee of Budgies will be appointed.
In public Budgie hearings, Budgies will be invited to outline their needs well into the future.
Thank you.
Thank YOU Chadwick…..the COMPLETE Budget Papers go on-line immediately after Swannie does his thingo. I recommend that everyone print them off, prop themselves up in bed and embark on a close reading. For couples, it may also provide the first opportunity to really TALK to each other in bed for a very long time.
Budgie Papers: http://www.budget.gov.au/2008-09/content/at_a_glance/html/at_a_glance.htm
May 12th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Hi KJ,
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/the-remarkable-case-of-australias-most-popular-dentist-20090508-axx5.html
Since that nurse in Bananaland laid hands on the Prime Ministerial buttocks, there have been two major developments:
1. The Rev Kev has got it into his head that he’s a chick magnet. I heard him boasting to Julia only last night: The babes love me!
I noticed that Julia sort of sniggered in an ambiguous way before promising to send HER bloke around to tizzy your hair up for Budget night!
2. Security around The Rev Kev’s bum has been increased by 300% – I’m on triple time. God knows who’s going to pay for all this (actually Rev Kev told me God does know – HE told Him)
Gotta go……There’s a consignment of Moet being delivered to the back door of Parl House and I’m under orders to keep the paparazzi well away.
Jeez KJ, it’s funny how life turns out.
Most certainly Gazza, most certainly. Just the other I told an old Leeton mate that Garry Handjob (the most talented rover the Redlegs ever produced) was now The Rev Kev’s main security man. The old mate just looked at me and said: Come on KJ, pull the other one….
May 12th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Budgie Nights they come and go,
They’re all part of the passing show…..
But what the heck,
I’m here alone and cryin’………..
I miss your peck.
May 12th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Dear Marry Me,
Will the Budgie Treasurer say at the end of his televised Budgie Speech performance?
Coming up in the next programme is Mumbai Calling….
May 12th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Libby Pearls, thanks for nothin’.
I’ve been havin’ visuals all day of that package that is NOT stimulatin’ in any way, shape or form.
I’d like to think of Swan as a eunich and perhaps he was trying to fill his trunks with The Big C’s balls, but alas they are all hot air which you soon found out when you eagled them for the second time.
The former PM had the same effect.
Dear Thepoolcleaner,
Always fantastic to get a worker’s perspective. Does Belinda Neal do laps as part of her anger management regimen? KJ.
May 12th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I’ve been wondering about the Big C’s balls for some time: where are they and when will he use them?
May 13th, 2009 at 1:35 am
When losers of the nation unite,
For the media to give a fright
And comment through the night
I guess it just can not be right.
Budgies here on Budgie Night
To look for hope, it’s just not right…..
To ask for seed,
Broken people all understand
What Jesus wrote upon the sand
About our needs.
Ben Chifley I miss you,
And I’m being good….
The Tree of Knowledge, how small it’s grown,
But friend it hasn’t been too long
Since men spoke of rights, and dignity….
Ben Chifley I miss you
And I’m being good.
May 13th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Dear KJ,
It’s NAPLAN Week (National Assessments Literacy & Numeracy).
I fear I’ll wake up on Saturday feeling like I’ve swallowed a Budgie or two.
Dear Megsy,
Now you KNOW what happens when you get worked up…..
Just tell the assessors about your projections. And they are that ALL of the kiddies will be able to read and add up by 2023. KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Dear The Dude,
How wonderful for you to think of me.
Mr Swannie rounded off his Budgie Speech with: Do not store up your wealth on earth where it will be rusted, eaten up by moths, removed by thieves….
My predictions were spot on.
I did not imbibe alcopops with my Budgie speech monte carlos. I simply cannot support any Government that makes kids pay more for their piss for the sake of propping up revenue.
See, Marry Me can get risque….but only on very special occasions.
Pssst, my Omni was just as effective as The Rev Kev’s Moet (thank you Mr Handjob).
Every one in the office is staring at me. They are thinking as usual: What has overcome our spinster?
A RENAISSANCE, THAT’S WHAT!!!
Triumphantly,
Marry Me.
Congratulations Marry Me! An historic moment for our site. In here we have many reports of personal returns to Dark Ages but here is our FIRST EVER documentation of a Renaissance. Well done you! KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Dear Kerrie Jean,
I am not young nor senile, but am suffering from Post Budgie Traumatic Bewilderment (PBTB).
The last time I looked at my Birth Certificate I was, well……in my late fifties.
Can you please tell me (approximately) how old I will be in 2017?
Take care,
Befuddled (Who Just Enjoyed A Timely Trip Through This Gov Funded Site).
Great question Befuddled…..
I have been up all night going through the Budgie Papers. This is what I can tell you:
*In 2017, you will be aged 65, 66 or 67. If you decide to stop work at the lower end of your age scale, you’ll starve. If you decide to stay on at work at the upper end of your age scale, you’ll drop dead from exhaustion.
* You will receive NO benefit (at the upper or lower end of your age scale) from the generous Budgie provisions facilitating two new ABC TV kiddies’ channels.
Enjoy your day. KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Dear KJ,
You know what?
I have to say I gave the After-Budgie parties a wide berth. As soon as Gary Handjob told me about the NSW Delegation – the Red Hot Go, Capt Underpants and the Tripod all heading for the Treasurer’s office, I knew it was time to go.
As I walked past the open door I couldn’t help seeing Libby Pearls standing on the Treasurer’s Desk belting out:
HEY BIG SPENDER
SPEEEND A LITTLE TIME WITH ME.
And there was Swannie going: BOOM BOOM.
All rather pathetic really. Don’t these people ever learn?
Clearly Mal had sent Libby Pearls around and I expect we’ll all be seeing the results in full technicolour on SIXTY MINUTES.
Back at The Lodge, I instructed Gary H to run me a cold bath, and as I plunged into the icey water I got to thinking about Swannie and why the Budgie was sadly so lacking in pain.
As you know, me and Swannie go back along way – and (as I submerged my head in the freezing water) one incident from our school days came flooding down memory lane……
…I’d found a quiet spot behind the groundman’s shed and was getting stuck into my mandarin book when I heard the footy coach – Shagger Hanlon -yelling at Swannie (who was pretty big in the school team)….
Y’know your trouble Swan. You’re a soft cock. Always have been and always will be.
And really KJ this is what happens when I delegate. I let Swannie have a go and end up with a soft cock budget. Clearly, I have to do everything myself.
What would I have done, you ask?
One example will suffice – The idea of extending the retirment age to 67, well actually that was my idea, except Swannie got the numbers wrong (again) – instead of 67, I’D said 76.
Anyway , let’s move on. I know Swannie will be.
At least you seem to get it. Your Budgie night party recipe was an inspiration to us all.
God Bless You My Child.
Dear The Rev Kev,
What control! What selflessness! Do you NEVER stop thinking about what’s best for all of us? Strategically, I don’t know whether it was a good idea to snub Swannie’s traditional post-Budgie soiree because Australians, in general, are NOT socially conservative people.
You’ve only got to witness the historic spike in your approval ratings after details of your famous alcopop-fuelled night out in New York emerged.
Then again, Swannie’s ‘do’ may have presented you with TOO much temptation in the way of trans fat laden finger food….Budgie Party Pies, Devils-On-Horseback, platters groaning with mini yum cha items……
AND we wouldn’t want to risk ANOTHER hissy fit over the non-provision of fat-free crudities, would we? No, we would NOT! KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Darling KJ,
Numero uno, thank you for say that Fabio is walking, talking big ball of amore.
Tutor say it is com-pli-ment to me, so I say these words back to KJ.
Now this Budgie Night – is about Australian Budget? Sort of same in Italy but in Australia land that Mr Swannie make my head swimming!
He say a lot about un-charter-ed waters and FORGED IN THE FIRE. I thought Australia safe home.
I get fright. Have to phone my beautiful, kind tutor. She say she will explane SPIN next time.
I need chill out?
Fabio.
Dear Fabio,
Everything’s okay, everything’s okay. The Budgie WAS Forged In The Fire. But that makes for a stronger, happier Budgie in the long term. Budgie will chill out. You too? KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
KJ,
Because of you (and all your other fossils) I have decided to make even MORE of myself.
2010 (or any academic year up to 2035) will see me enrolled again in Uni (Note: I don’t qualify for mature-age entry).
This time, it’s a Political Science degree, then a Masters, then a Doctorate, then Lecturing, then Senior Lecturing, THEN Budgie Chair Professorship….
I am a multi-tasking chick, so all this will not interfere with my night clubbing.
I declare THIS Budgie the WE KNOW, WE KNOW Budgie. As Swannie told us FOUR times in the first coupla pars of his Budgie Speech.
Dear Fanny,
The fossils are all excited for you – JUST as excited as a zany ‘Time Team’ trench digger stumbling on (right at the last minute) a Roman Loving Cup in Bournemouth. KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
A view from The Acropolis on the Budgie.
This Budgie is like my Uncle George who passed away on the toilet, a case of over-topolous.
The man had arms like a gorilla, his fingers, eggplants, his torso, long…. almost feminine in its grace but down below it was? – VERY short down below.
Uncle George had a lot of trouble with getting the right size bicycle frame PLUS public outdoor fish cleaning tables were a nightmare for him.
When you are mismatched like him life can be very difficult for you and your family.
Anyway, I think of Uncle George when I think of this Budgie mess.
Beam me up Rev Kev, Swannie and Scotty…..but where is the announcement that international students will be given jobs ON AIR at the ABC? I feel cheated.
Dear Greek and loving it,
The spectacle of poor Uncle George UNDER the public fish cleaning table is enough to make ANY feeling person weep. *I am scheduled to meet Scotty MD tomorrow to discuss MY career path. I will bring up the fact that YOU feel cheated if time permits. KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Emergency meeting called. It’s 10 am. No use calling it before then because we’re all too busy at breakfast seminar presentations. As I prepare to take the minutes we all congratulate each other on the Budgie.
Go back to office and phone the Super Dean: We talk about the Budgie and other real estate matters.
I get off the phone and as I get in the lift to go and get a coffee I imagine that the Dean and I are at a conference and somehow have got lost in a giant studio where the seating is VERY comfortable.
I get back to the office and get an email from a visiting scholar to my tutorial group:
Is there any of you that have use for half a bottle of paraboiled linseed oil? I have been using it to oil my shinai (bamboo swords for kendo) and since there’s only five weeks left of my Oz experience, I wont be using it any more and I surely won’t be taking it back to Sweden. So, you have use for it, let me know.
Lars.
Must go – students to avoid.
Dear Lonely Scholar,
Can you get Lars’ left over paraboiled linseed oil for me please? You’ve NO idea how much I spend on massage – and other aromatherapy oils – particularly during nervy episodes. AND….just between you and me…. my aromatherapy bill also goes through the roof during what I will term my PASSIONATE times. Yee Hee! KJ.
May 13th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
KJ, so what’s the go with the Budgie money for ABC drama?
Does this mean Scotty’s going to pay us for blog entries?
Is everyone in here headed for Cash for Comment?
I hope so – this blogging is hard on the supplies.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying myself. A little like the the old days when I was in media to brainwash people and not just to make money.
However, I need the money.
Greek and loving it,
This is provocative stuff, particularly in the current cyber climate. I have just been briefed that a major cyber scandal is about to break in the media – bonk for blog. KJ.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Dear Lonely Scholar,
I hope a bidding war won’t break out but I’d like to offer 50 cents for Lars’ half a bottle of paraboiled linseed oil.
Lubrication is important in many areas of my life.
The Lonely Scholar…..I suspect Lars is more into old-fashioned, planet-saving bartering than cut throat capitalism.
So…..for the paraboiled linseed oil which I HAVE to have…..I will give Lars a quarter-filled old 50g jar of Olay Total Effects: 7-IN-1 Anti-Ageing Night Cream. Undamaged screw top. KJ.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I’m very tired BUT did Malcolm T just announce the abolition of our Treasury?
In his Budgie Reply Speech, Malcolm T was talking about having something called an Independent Commission Of Sustainable Finance and a Parliamentary Budget Office.
And what are these supposed to do? Offer Governments fearless financial advice, give fearless help with projections and also do something fearless with fiscal models.
I thought that was the job of fearless public servants in The Treasury.
Back to the telly…….
May 15th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
As an act of post Budgie courage, I have come downstairs.
Read comments.
I have identified the Enemy Within – It Is Me.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Edward The Emu,
Is a bit like me….
And, um, you too….
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/05/15/2571311.htm
KJ Reports:
Let me tell you of an interview,
I just had with…..
With Edward The Emu.
He’s got a beak,
And feathers and things….
But Edward The Emu
Ain’t had NO flings…..
May 15th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I hope this doesn’t result in you getting even more porno spam KJ but after looking at Edward the Emu, I caught myself reading a magazine that has an article called: A Lesbians Ashram Adventure.
This is what happens when your husband goes away.
Besides that I’ve been watching what I had thought was the building of simple a bomb shelter next door turn into a three-storey house with a bank of windows that point directly into my bathroom.
Strange food and people being stabbed on the street is one thing but having people watch me shave is another.
Dear Greek and loving it – it is true. The amount of porn spam that comes my way is incredible. So much so, I’m going to invite retiring Federal Police Commissioner Keelty to come around and put a filth firewall on my computer as a farewell gesture.
Re lesbians adventuring in ashrams: Oooh ah OOOM. KJ.
May 17th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Dear Greek and loving it,
I have kept a track of your posts re The Budgie and other matters. Maria did the correct thing in getting rid of that puny excuse for a hubby. Well done her.
I believe that you and KJ are great multi-taskers. However, my dear, why not make a little Me Time? (ignore the repugnant title). Perhaps get to your video shop, borrow and watch ‘The Wedding Singer’. Not ‘The Wedding Planner’.
On the controversial matter of payment for comment, wishful thinking.
Mate, we blog for free for the wonderful KJ. Can I suggest that, on the way home from the video store, you pop your poverty-stricken self into Cash Converters? They pay better than The Budgie!
The Rev Kev, you asked: Don’t these people ever learn? NO. Check out how many $ your Minister for the Environment spent on carbon spewing air travel in the last cuppla months.
I have much more to say but Yogi – my burrowing, sniffing, Attention Deficit Disordered Jack Russell – is overdue for the BIG PARK. Will check in later.