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41 Responses to “Inside Gwennie’s Canberra PLUS A Joyful 50th”

1. The Dude Says:
   May 17th, 2009 at 2:51 pm

   Goodonya Gwennie but I think there’s another reason why there’ll be no early election.

   While a lot of Australians will be heading into Centrelink over the coming months, politicians do not want to risk losing their superdooper jobs.

   Their ‘dislocation’ would be nothing short of personal tragedies.

   Thank you The Dude:
   Nervy backbenchers are up for mention in the attached story.
   Also, the contentious Horse Disease Levy Response Bill (which I have been following closely) is discussed and NOT before time. KJ.

   http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/05/16/2572402.htm

2. Meg Says:
   May 17th, 2009 at 7:10 pm

   KJ,

   You were certainly WRONG about The Rev Kev’s mental capacities and physical stamina.
   He’s never looked or sounded better.

   Slow down – or by months end – you’ll be the one in the bin.

   Have a big fry up of Chicken Maryland.

   Try and find an old bottle of Cold Duck.

   Stop phoning Gwennie so much.

   The team SHE should be supporting in the AFL is Port Adelaide.
   Their song has a line:
   True believers one and all….

   And to…..
   MY LIGHT ON THE HILL……
   How are ya dear TGM?

   Dear Megsy,
   I believe that my sad prediction re The Rev Kev still has a chance of getting up. It IS very nerve-racking to have my credibility on the line in such a public fashion. You may also remember my flamboyant prediction that Julia G would announce her engagement between Jan 20-27th 2009……
   You wouldn’t happen to have a bottle of vintage Cold Duck lying around, would ya?
   PS: Have the workmen arrived yet to improve your school’s infrastructure as part of The Rev Kev’s Highly Stimulatin’ Package?
   KJ.

3. The Ginger Man Says:
   May 18th, 2009 at 7:32 am

   NIGHT OF THE LONG FOXES
   Chapter 11

   The story as of now….The Ginger Man is with Lord Farty and his horde of foxes rampant on the brow of a hill overlooking the village of Chudleigh.

   A Vicar and his flock, including several aristocrats and The Lord Lieutenant of Surrey, are taking sherry in a marquee on the grassy knoll below.

   Vicar: Those Gypsies are not Christians you know.

   Colonel Arseldown: Bloody heathens if you ask me.

   Lady Flora Tittlewaite (pointing): GOOD GOD, WHAT’S THAT UP THERE?!!!

   Vicar: OH MY GOD, THE FOXES ARE COMING (hoorah, hoorah).

   Back to the ridge…….

   Lord Farty:
   
   Foxes of England……
   This is your Finest Hour.
   There is part of this Immortal Strand that is Forever Fox.
   What Fox would lie abed in this your finest triumph OVER THE HOUND, the lackey of the Aristocrat?

   BLOWS HORN.

   Foxes, get ready ready to charge……!!!
   HOORAH FOR THE FOX.
   CHARGE!!!!!!

   (End of Chapter 11).

   Marvellous, Bloody Marvellous TGM. I’m very worried though. Are Fetsina (nee Breakfast) and the five Super Puppies safe? KJ.

4. The Big Lebowski Says:
   May 18th, 2009 at 9:18 am

   In Praise Of Lord Farty’s Foxes…

   When The Fox has come,
   And the land is dark,
   And the moon is the only light we’ll see…..
   No I won’t be afraid, no I won’t be afraid,
   Just as long as you Stand, Stand By Me.

   And Foxy, Foxy, Stand By Me,
   Oh now now Stand By Me,
   Stand By Me, Stand By Me………

5. The Rev Kev Says:
   May 18th, 2009 at 11:03 am

   Dear KJ,

   Siimon Smoothshanks has drawn my attention to your concern re: The Rev Kev’s mental health.

   And you know what?
   You know what?
   You know what?

   Two developments are making me a touch nervy.

   There’s that ridiculous poll that says my popularity has slumped from me being Mr 74% to a measly 64% (I know hardly anyone likes Malcolm, but that’s not the point).

   Secondly – a review of the new film ‘The Chifleys of Busby Street’ contains these words:

   In Andrew Pike’s unashamedly nostalgic tribute to Chifley’s homespun style, one Bathurst resident recalls going to the house to see him one day only to be told by Mrs Chifley that he was in the bath. Overhearing this exchange, Chifley called out to him to come right in and the following interview took place in the bathroom with the petitioner sitting in a chair by the tub.

   To fully appreciate this scene you might like to replay it in your imagination with Kevin Rudd or Paul Keating under the suds….

   (source Sandra Hall SMH)

   Given that everyone in the ALP gets misty eyed about Chif, and even when I was Mr 74% would go on and on about how Chif was the most LOVED PM, could you get on the phone to Gwennie NOW…it really is quite urgent…and ask her if the people would LOVE me more if I had an open day in the Lodge bathroom?

   Smoothshanks says it would be a wonderful picture opportunity, but I’m not so sure. I’m not against pictures of The Rev Kev but they must be tasteful.

   Your advice appreciated soonest cos Siimon’s aching to put it all out on twitter.

   God Bless you and Gwennie……

   Dear The Rev Kev,
   No harm in asking…..would it be possible for you to organise a nervy in the next two weeks? Siimon S could put a good spin on it. Eg: Putting the interests of his people first, the PM never slept, never ate. And now? His only thanks a nervy….
   I have been on the blower to Gwennie. She says a photo shoot in the Lodge bathroom could work beautifully but only if that woman Libby Pearls is kept well away.
   Gwennie wanted me to remind you of how well those racy pics of Hawkie and Blanche in their matching bath robes went down.
   ‘ But Gee, there must have been buckets of Napisan thrown at those bath robes. I’ve NEVER seen white like that….’

6. Libby Pearls Says:
   May 18th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

   Dear Kerrie Jean,

   My dear, there’s absolutely no chance of me getting in the tub with The Rev Kev.

   Incidentally, I must tell you some time what happened in Swannie’s office late on Budgie night at the after party – Captain Underpants from Macquarie Street propostioned me with the most outrageous suggestion. Really!

   Take care my dear,
   We live in dangerous times.

   Yours as ever,
   Libby Pearls

   PS: Would you mind asking The Ginger Man if the English Fartingdons are any relation to the Australian Fartingdons? I only ask because I think I’m distantly related on my father’s side.

   Dear Miss Pearls,
   I have a faint memory of a Fartingdon family owning a big spread near Grong Grong in the late sixties. It was said that Old Man Fartingdon rode on the sheep’s backs. One day, the Fartingdons of Grong Grong left in a real hurry. I don’t know whether this is of any help. KJ.

7. The Ginger Man Says:
   May 18th, 2009 at 4:10 pm

   Dear Libby Pearls,

   Many Fartingdons did migrate to Australia on sailing ships.

   They accompanied the first shipment of Spanish merinos brought out by the Macarthers.

   Many of the prized rams disappeared during the voyage.

   It is said that the smell of lamb roasting was often detected drifting from the Fartingdons’ quarters.

   KJ’s thesis makes sense.

8. Libby Pearls Says:
   May 18th, 2009 at 4:53 pm

   My Dear Kerrie Jean and Mr G-M

   I know the memory can sometimes play funny tricks, so I’ve just checked this one out by ringing my mother, who confirms an old family story handed down from generation to generation: that dear old Lord Farty LOVED his sheep, simply LOVED them.

   So much so that he slept with them on the voyage out.

   So I think that puts to bed once and for all any insinuations against the good name of the family Fartingdon.

9. Geriatric Chick Magnet Says:
   May 18th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

   Let it be known that I WILL NOT be attending the proposed open day in The Lodge’s bathroom unless The Rev Kev wears a scuba diving suit covering every bit of his anatomy.

   Dear GCM,
   I’m still in two minds about the open day……I’d Like To See That/I’d Hate To See That…..
   I think I’d be more likely to swing to a more positive possie if I was assured a mobile decompression chamber would be on site. KJ.

10. Under The Table Top Man Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    Dear The Rev Kev,
    This is an expression of interest in your plans for an Open Day in The Lodge bathroom.
    I would like to bring a guest – Ms Angela Merkin of Germany.

    Under The Table Top Man…..where you been? KJ.

11. Fanny Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    KJ,

    Perhaps Gwennie is ‘a walking, talking, Morgan Gallop Doll’. However, this is no excuse for the diatribe that you have dished up to us.

    Following that Joyful 50th, your regular beloved ‘fossils’ are desperately trying to calm the waters after yet another APPALLING situation.

    I think it’s time you changed your dance club.

    Fanny (Disappointed).

    Dear Fanny…..so YOU’RE disappointed…..KJ.

12. Meg Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 9:07 am

    Dear The Rev Kev,

    Put my school in Round #2 of your Building The Education Revolution (part of your Highly Stimulatin’ Package) and I’ll be the one highly excited.

    I’ll even arrange a school excursion to The Lodge for your Bathroom Open Day.

    That’ll give the kids something to write about.

    And Megsy, their parents something to talk about…?

13. Gary Handjob Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 9:20 am

    Hi KJ,

    It’s 5am and I’ve just dropped The Rev Kev off at Treasury – when he got out of the Limo he mumbled something about ‘going over those numbers again’.

    Right now, I’m waiting for him with the heating on full. I’m eating a hot dog with the first edition of the Daily Tele propped up on the steering wheel.

    And, as The Rev Kev might say: You know what?

    You were dead right – they’re all having nervies.

    Take a look at the headlines:

    POLLIES HAVE GONE CRACKERS
    
    MPs GET STRESS THERAPY
    
    FREE COUNSELLING FOR WORK RELATED ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

    Dear Gary Handjob,

    It’s truly sickening isn’t it?
    I mean YOU know what real pressure is. Flashback to September, 1976: Semi, Leeton Reddies up against the highly fancied Grong-Grong Matong (all fired up by a bumper wheat harvest).

    Time on. Reddies behind by one straight kick.

    Ruck. Chaos. Tough. Bloody Tough.
    
    Hand ball out to rover Handjob. Gee, he’s only a little bloke but he’s all guts, guts on a stick. Handjob in the clear. Handjob playing there’s only-one-man-on-the-ground footy.

    Gee, Handjob has bounced the football yet again. Oh Gee, this is class footy, CLASS pressure-cooker semis footy. Handjob is 20 metres out, RIGHT in front of the posts. Gee, he’s even got time to catch his breath and line it up…..

    Handjob’s kicked it……….and there’s no-one at the ground who can believe it…..probably the simplest kick in South-West League semi history is a shocker……a real SHOCKER. Oh gee, right off the side of Handjob’s boot, oh gee….Way, WAY short….

    There goes the whistle. Gee, this is terrible to see. No-one wants this, no-one likes this. Handjob is a destroyed man. He’ll find it very hard to come back from this. He’s down on the grass in TEARS. Mum Pat Handjob has rushed in. She’s got Handjob in her arms. Oh Gee, the game doesn’t need this…..Pat’s calling for a stretcher….Oh Gee, Handjob’s acting like…..LIKE A GIRL….

    REMEMBER? KJ.

14. KJ Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 9:32 am

    In this age of spin, spin, SPIN…..a refreshing example of old-fashioned straight talking has come to my attention……

    I quote from the Death Notices of The Sydney Morning Herald (May 18th 2009).

    MORRELL, Ronald George Richard -
    13 May 2009. Late of Tempe. A one-off character who lived and died by his own code of eccentric behaviour. He appeared to neither love nor respect anyone or anything except his late mother and his animals. In Particular his much missed dog ‘Shadow’ and his two cats ‘George’ and ‘Mildred’…….
    He was however much admired for his unique sense of reality…….

    * Hope there’s a good turn up at the funeral.

15. Greek and loving it Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Good Morning The Rev Kev,

    Bath idea not bad but don’t make the same mistake as Archimedes who was in the bath when he solved the problem of King Hiero II’s new crown.

    Old Hiero wanted confirmation that the laurel was solid gold WITHOUT it being messed with in any way.

    Anyhow, as Archimedes got into the tub he noticed that the level of the water rose, and realized that this effect could be used to determine the volume of the crown.

    So excited was he that he took to the streets naked crying Eureka!
    (Greek: εὕρηκα!, meaning: I have found it!)

    This would NOT be good.

    Dear Greek and loving it, you’re dead right. BUT I think The Abbott should bless the open day by dipping HIS big toe into the waters. KJ.

16. Red Knuckle Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    Came downstairs as an act of courage.

    Saw the comments.

    As a rule, I don’t like to think about – nor discuss – bathrooms.

    I have made my position on loofahs clear before BUT I want to reiterate. If The Rev Kev goes ahead with his Open Hot Spa Sunday at The Lodge he must take special precautions if loofahs are involved.

    Lots of bandages, torniquets and blood supplies must be on hand.

    For The Loofah Is No Man’s Fool……

    Even if you’re obese, bone can appear BEFORE you’re even aware you have loofahed too hard.

    Going back upstairs. Loofah Tuesday.

17. The Big Lebowski Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    I do not Loofah,
    I do not Loofah…
    Here,
    Or…..
    Under the doona.

    Suzanne,
    I do not Loofah
    And I didn’t do yah…………

18. Edward R. Borrow Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    NIGHT OF THE LONG FOXES
    CHAPTER 111

    Good Morning and Good Luck….

    I’m Edward R. Borrow reporting from Chudleigh in Surrey, England.

    Perhaps in the history of animal-human conflict the world has never seen such a confrontation now taking place in England’s green and pleasant land.

    This is the scene now unfolding after The Night of the Long Foxes.

    After a night of guerilla sorties in which many a chicken has perished or an aristocratic pair of pants deseated, a formidable force of foxes has gathered on the ridge behind me.

    Aroooooooooooo! Arooooooooooo!

    They are poised above the historic village of Chudleigh where local legend has it Ann Boleyn passed water on her way to execution.

    Refugees are passing by and I am speaking to one now…

    She’s a woman wearing a green scarf and she’s with a dog and five puppies heading towards Chudleigh.

    I AM JINNY GERMAN. I AM IRISH AND I SUPPOSE THAT MAKES ME NEUTRAL…..
    I WAS JUST TAKING THE DOGS FOR A WALK WHEN IT HAPPENED.
    NO, I DO NOT KNOW MUCH BUT I AM GOING INTO CHUDLEIGH TO INVESTIGATE. I AM A TRAINED VETERINARIAN AND I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP WITH FIRST AID.

    This is Edward R. Borrow, Chudleigh.

    (End of Chapter 111)

19. The Ginger Man Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 9:58 am

    NIGHT OF THE LONG FOXES
    Chapter 1V

    Somewhere near Chudleigh, Surrey, England

    Ah, to be a spy in England now that May is here!

    It’s Bletchley all over again…..

    Of course, the Pooh Bahs have fallen for the Irish washerwoman scam. Considering the last book most of them read was Wind In The Willows I am surprised a little.

    These people are definitely STOATS.

    But all you need is a Trinity scarf over the hair and a simpering brogue and they’re a pushover.

    Festina (nee Brekkie) and the Five Super Puppies have taken to Fieldcraft with ease. They are naturals.

    They have stolen all of the hounds’ bones and breakfast bowls.

    They have cute little yellow and brown masks.

    When challenged they turn on amazing cuteness……

    I think they are telling hound friends about foxy cuteness.

    They have eaten – or at least chewed up – Chudleigh’s hunting records. There’s not a hunting pink coat that does not have a hole bitten through it.

    So serious is their subversion that the local colonel has given a speech titled: THE ENEMY WITHIN.

    The Five Super Puppies and their mother deserve the Bletchley Bronze Star.

    Must go as Festina is seducing the Chief Hound.

    Female spies need a Control.

    End of Chapter 1V

20. The Comer Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Dear KJ,

    There’s much to digest in this post of yours – I can feel reflux coming on.

    THINK AGAIN. Perhaps KJ, your prediction (made six months ago on this site) was NOT so very silly. The Rev Kev is already in his own cerebral Emergency Ward. He took ill when he became aware that not only was he shedding hair, but a by-election in WA had turned Blue/Red into Green.

    In answer to other quandries:

    1) Malcolm T cannot become any hotter. Such is the nature of hard ball deficit politics, I’m predicting self-combustion.

    2) Your much loved Gwennie may be the one getting a bit nervy. She clearly states: ALL talk of an early election is piss and wind.

    …..While I love a fiesty senior, let’s be realistic: A steaming Malcolm T, combined with a dash of The Big C ALL blended with a nerve racked Mr The Rev Kev (64%) makes me think: Recipe for an Early Bloody Election.

    There IS hope Gwennie – there’s talk of The Recession receding as quickly as The Rev Kev’s comb over. ‘Hang In There’, is what my mum would say.

    3) In light of the above #1 & #2, I do not give a rats about ANYBODY turning 50!!

    HOWEVER, if they are turning from Green to BLUE/RED, I wanna be the first to congratulate them.
    In fact, I have hit the $2.00 shops and purchased blank cards, ready to send to those who see the light.

    4) My little pal, Yogi, the Jack Russell has not eaten since Budgie Night. This is because I can no longer afford to put food into his doggie bowl. Can anyone out there tell me how to stretch one skinned pork chop two ways, over a period of seven days?

    Worried,
    The Comer.

    Dear The Comer,
    Thank you for a very considered presentation. You are an ‘Insiders’ panellist just waiting to happen.
    On the domestic front, you should NOT have thrown out that pork chop skin. I’ve always been amazed at just how far traditional pork chop skin recipes go. KJ.

21. Fabio Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    My Sweet KJ,

    I not wanna see your beautiful Mamma in grief. Hello Mrs KJ.

    This man, The Rev-er-end Kev must have big bole of pasta five times in a day. He has very big job and he can only do it good if he eat good. Tell him that Fabio love him, that Rev Man.

    Tell him, The Tutor also sends her love to this Rev Man. She is kind but something is trouble her. I think she wanna see this Rev Man get betterer.

    My whole family in Sicily say: You Beauty Rev Man.

    Fabio vote for Rev Man.

    Fabio not yet 50 year of age but he knows when someone is in troubel and need all of us cobbers.

    Amore, Amore. I say these words to you thrugh weep eyes.

    I dunno what else I can do. I love you all……and Mr Ginger Man, you will help this Mr Rev Man with his heavy bur-den?

    Fabio.

    Dear Fabio,
    ‘Amore, AMORE’ comin’ right back at you. Can you provide asap your favourite pasta recipe so we can immediately send it to the Head Chef at The Lodge? KJ.

22. Lonely Scholar Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Nothing happening here.

23. Lonely Scholar Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Sorry. Thought that was my Twitter finger.

24. KJ Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    I am sitting down.

25. Lonely Scholar Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    I am too.

26. KJ Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Sometimes I stand up.

27. Lonely scholar Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    I would too but I’m sitting at the table instead.

28. KJ Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    I am now standing near my stove with a big chop in my hand.

29. KJ (urgent!!) Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    * TRIAL LIVE TWITTER SESSION COMPLETED SUCCESSFULLY.

    Bosses thrilled.

    * Stay tuned. More WILDCAT Twitter sessions slated.

    Thank you.

30. The Lonely Scholar Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    KJ,

    OK. Sorry about that BUT being multimodal can be confusing….

    As I was saying to a colleague who went to a very high level event last week only 1% of blogs get any traffic at all so please be assured that I will not be going anywhere at least until the next funding round.

    There is a funny smell in the computer lab in Building 10 but it’s not coming from where you would expect and I did wonder whether to alert security. In the end I didn’t because those people in Building 10 do nothing and I have a subject to co-ordinate!

    I’m looking forward to tomorrow. A huge lecture by you know who. And I’m told it involves something large and black with smooth legs! A piano.

    Dear The Lonely Scholar,
    SORRY?! The Twitter Trial was a triumph! Management is agog! They want to talk about the future of MY mutimodals tomorrow.
    I take it that you wouldn’t mind if I said that The Twitter thingo was all my idea?
    THAT Dean of yours has a tough decision to make – hang in for his super or follow his childhood dream….and away to join the circus. KJ.

31. The Man in Grey Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    Dear KJ,

    I’m driving along a mountain road last Sunday afternoon – it’s a beautiful autumn day and golden leaves are floating down from the trees.

    I switch on Radio National (as it turns out midway through a play) just in time to catch a female character saying: **** me with a root vegetable.

    I may not have got the exact words, but you get the general idea…

    This, I thought, is Australian drama at its best. And now, because The Rev Kev is stimulatin’ Aunty with squillions earmarked specially for play writin’, my questions to you are:

    1. Can we now expect an ABC-led drama renaissance in Australia?
    2. Who would you cast as Lord Fartingdon?
    3. What place has working class culture in ABC drama?

    These are exciting times.

    Dear The Man in Grey,
    I did not hear the dramatic presentation you refer to. But tomorrow, I shall throw my weight around and request a transcript.
    What a challenging and timely set of questions!
    Question Two is now a matter for our whole community. I have decided to sleep on Lord Fartingdon and give my answers to all your questions, tomorrow. KJ.

32. The Ginger Man Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    What contributors should know about Farty before posting casting suggestions:

    *Lord Fartingdon is a man of magnificent proportions and gargantuan appetites.

    *He has married and divorced more American women than Mickey Rooney.

    *He can drink a bottle of malt before 10am without making a grammatical error.
    He taught Peter O’Toole to say: Marvellous, Simply Bloody Marvellous (with the right inflection) over a second bottle of Tullamore Dew.

    *He outraged his family by gaining annulments from the Pope and becoming a Roman Catholic.

    *Although a man of great crudity he took the Baptismal name of Francis in St Peter’s Basilica because of the Saint’s love of animals.

    *Lord Farty, however, is NOT a vegetarian and can eat a chicken faster than any fox.

    *He changed the family motto from
    Fartus Fartus to The Fighting Fox.

    The Ginger Man.

33. The Dude Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    And introducing… Mr John Elliott…….
    As Lord Fartingdon.

34. Fabio Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    Amore, Amore and more Amore KJ,

    Tutor impressed with my last writing to you. She is put some INGS onto my words. Thats OK because she is kind just like Mrs KJ Gwennie.

    Is OK to say Gwennie? We do formal/informal soon. Gwennie nice name eh?

    Im-port-ant bizness: The Rev-er-end’s recipe to get him good. When Fabio sick Mumma make simple spaghetti. Not to hard on the tummy.

    Only 3 or 4 stuff in this spaghetti for sick peoples.

    Cook spaghetti al dente.
    While spaghetti hot, put in some oil of virgin.
    Some salt and pepper for the sick Rev Man.
    If the sick Rev Man like spinach, can fine chop and it will cook itself in hot pasta.

    Fabio is happy to help big cobber get betterer.

    Amore to everybody, Fabio.

35. The Ginger Man Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    NIGHT OF THE LONG FOXES
    CHAPTER V

    Somewhere in Surrey I think.

    The Five Super Puppies are naturals.

    Absinthe 1 pushed down the shotgun, Absinthe 2 pushed it into position, Absinthe 3 and 4 steadied it and Absinthe 5 put a paw to trigger.

    Kaboooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.
    Second barrel:
    Blaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

    Big hole in fake Georgian ceiling….and……
    Seven maids a-screaming, one colonel yelling, twelve hound dogs fleeing, one spinster drinking, one duke a-fainting, one princess a-peeing…..

    Five Super Puppies wagging…

    Of all the creatures in the wood,
    The Super Puppies wear the crown.

    Seven maids a-screaming, one colonel yelling, twelve hound dogs fleeing,
    one spinster drinking, one duke a-fainting, one princess a-peeing…..
    
    And one Mummy licking, Five Super Puppies romping…………..

    End of chapter V

36. Meg Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Thanks TGM for your casting guidelines.
    Please find my suggestions below:

    The Vicar: Alexander Downer.
    Farty: Bob Ellis.
    Festina (nee Brekkie): Inspector Rex.

37. Edward R. Borrow Says:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    NIGHT OF THE LONG FOXES
    Chapter V1

    The first shots rang out in what may prove to be the ultimate confrontation in rural England, indeed wherever foxes are in the fields.

    Today, I can report that agents of Lord Fartingdon (self-appointed commander-in-chief of Surrey Foxes In Rebellion against hunters) have disarmed their foes in the village of Chudleigh.

    I spoke with the lord, or Lord Farty as he is locally known, a short time ago…….
    
    THERE IS A PART OF A FLOWERY FIELD THAT IS FOREVER FOX.

    TODAY OUR AGENTS, THE FIVE SUPER PUPPIES, HAVE DISARMED THE WEAPONS OF MESSY AND MURDEROUS DESTRUCTION…….

    THE TIDE HAS TURNED.

    THE BOOT IS ON THE OTHER PAW, SO TO SPEAK……

    THE HOUNDS ARE ON THE RUN WITH THEIR BLOATED AND CRUEL MASTERS AND THEIR GIN-SODDEN SO-CALLED LADIES……..

    FOX AND VIXEN STAND SHOULDER TO SHOULDER IN THIS HOUR OF TRIUMPH.

    I HAVE LIGHTED A BONFIRE OF VICTORY FROM SOME OF MY MOTHER’S PICTURES………….

    KINDLY EXCUSE ME I NEED A DRINK.

    This is Edward R. Borrow
    Good Morning and Good Luck.

38. The Dude Says:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Should TGM’s tales have a RunPee facility?

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/05/22/2578534.htm

39. The Ginger Man Says:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    NIGHT OF THE LONG FOXES
    Final Chapter

    I never knew foxes were so sentimental.

    They ran after Festina (I still call her Brekkie) and the Five Super Puppies for several miles as we departed from Chudleigh, now a Hound and Hunstmen Free Zone.

    They made a mighty commotion of grief as we turned round the bend and headed towards godless Godalming and its posh Charterhouse school with its beatings and British bullshit.

    I looked back.

    Lord Farty had mounted his old horse and was toasting us with his stirrup cup of malt…..

    I began to laugh and weep simultaneously.

    Seven maids a-screaming, one colonel yelling, twelve hound dogs fleeing, one spinster drinking, one duke a-fainting, one princess a-peeing…..

    Five Super Puppies wagging…

    Of all the creatures in the wood,
    The Super Puppies wear the crown

    And one lord a-drinking, a thousand foxes a-yipping………..

    Farty came good in the end.

    THE END

40. The Tutor Says:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Dear KJ,

    Fabio is doing well.

    However KJ, he is genuinely concerned about The Rev Kev’s health. Could you please reassure him that this ‘Great Man’ is doing much ‘betterer’?

    Warm Regards,

    The Tutor.
    
    Dear The Tutor – Perhaps it’s best not to tell Fabio but the Lodge’s head chef resigned yesterday. Things came to a head after he presented The Rev Kev with a big bowl of spaghetti as per Fabio’s recipe.
    I said NO oil of virgin, I said NO oil of virgin was ever to come near me! he yelled.
    The head chef (trained in Bologna) told The Rev Kev in no uncertain terms that he was an artist NOT a calorie counter. He packed up there and then.
    Terese R has spent all day counting the contents of the Lodge’s antique canteens of silver cutlery.
    KJ.

41. Greek and loving it Says:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Hey Comer..tell me a bit more about this Wedding Singer?

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