KEV MENTALLY UNSTABLE: NO KNOWN CURE….
It’s embarrassing, sick and now……DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS……
Our Democracy is teetering…..all because a filthy rich man would NOT, could NOT part with $4,399 (tax deductible) for a second-hand vessel of conveyance. (*Editors, political historians please note and correct: A Mazda Bravo is NOT a ute. In Leeton and elsewhere, Mazda Bravos are caustically referred to as ‘trucks’. Mazda Bravos are anathema to Real Ute Men).
But Kevin, we don’t pay for anything either….(Cr: London Summit:flickr)
I don’t want to frighten anyone BUT the man in charge of our destiny is sick.
The Rev Kev is a Pathological Tight Arse. Â
We are dealing with a man who does NOT buy food. The man who sickened the nation during the election campaign when he munched on his own ear wax. The man who now has Therese on ear wax rations. She is disappearing and there’s nothing anyone can do. And this is the man thrown out of a New York pole dancing club when he attempted to push illegal tender, (AUS)1$, down the G-String of a hard-working exotic dancer……
I would like to tell you there is hope for Pathological Tight Arses but that would be a lie……..
Desperately attempting to get inside the mind of The Rev Kev, I have spent hours sounding out several of my former therapists. The scenarios they offered up (gratis) about the Mazda Bravo were all chillingly similar…
In a nutshell…..Pathological Tight Arses are Control Freaks. Their whole lives are a futile exercise in trying to arrest ultimate control by spending NO money in Advanced Capitalist Societies. So, when The Rev Kev needed a campaign vehicle, the stage was immediately set for a psycho-sexual struggle of Goliath proportions….
And make NO mistake……neighbour and Tsar of Ipswich Central Motors, Mr John Grant, knew it. Because The Rev Kev and Therese were already well-known for blowing their stacks with local kiddies seeking readathon sponsorship and cowering under their bed on Red Shield Collection Days.
Oh yes, Mr Grant knew when to pounce. And The Rev Kev took the Mazda Bravo because he HAD to end that inner-war of the Pathological Tight Arse.
So, there’s nought that can be done about us having a PM who’s well-known to staff at Aldis, Tuggeranong.Â
HOWEVER, from every disaster, a glimmer of hope……………
In this case, Let Us Pray and knell at the feet of one Godwin Grech:
Our Newly Beatified Patron Saint Of The Nervy.
………Indeed it was a Miracle he got out of that Committee Room in one piece.
Bonus!!! Spoke to Hec overnight. He was anxious to pass on his book for Who Will Go And Who Will Stay? Here ’tis:
GOING: The Rev Kev: (1000000/1) GOING: Malcolm T (1000000/1) GOING: Wayne Swan: 5/4 (ODDS ON)
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So today, the personal and the political. Have you ever had dealings with a Pathological Tight Arse? Perhaps you’ve even loaned your car to one……Can Pathological Tight Arses ever be rehabilitated? Perhaps you’re a supporter of Pathological Tight Arses because you’re in THE Will? Are you a Pathological Tight Arse seeking pre-selection…..your name please? And……anything else to report is NOT only welcomed, but treasured….
Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the ‘website’ space – not necessary!
June 22nd, 2009 at 12:38 pm
When my brother worked at the Leeton Shire Council, one of his workmates was a bloke who was notoriously ‘close’.
This fellow hosted a get-together for the work gang in his backyard in Parkview one afternoon, and the proceedings were punctuated by the host sprinting out of the back door – chasing his wife – who was making a stately passage across the yard toward the assembled guests, holding before her a plate of snags.
‘Mr Careful’ was shouting: What are you doing? What are you doing? You’ve got 11 sausages and there’s only 9 people. I told you one each! One each!
Dear Roma Street,
What a disgrace! I wonder what happened to that other sausage which would have made up the dozen…..
Yes, mine host IS a Pathological Tight Arse. And I bet his wife is on the slim side.
By the way, you’d agree with me, wouldn’t you? A Mazda Bravo is NOT a ute……KJ.
June 22nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
KJ,
What a CROOK lot those Libs are……
The Rev Kev, I am with you right now as you slug it out in the mosh pit.
Tell Malcolm that I have just purchased a U-Beaut-Holden Ute.
Yep, in Question Time last week when you said: Feel the rubber on the road (referring to our relatively buoyant economy) I headed straight for Suttons, Parramatta Road.
Go Kev, yes you can.
Confused (Not)
Dear Confused (Not),
Mark my word, Malcolm’s gunna need a retread before the day is out! KJ.
June 22nd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Verily, verily, verily…..
I quote unto you,
The Sermon on The Hill…..
The Kevie-attitudes -
Verse 12:
Blessed Are the Second Hand Car Salesmen,
For They Too Shall Inherit A Stimulatin’ Package.
I’m praying for you (and Malcolm) but especially Dear Old Wayne.
The Rev Kev.
PS. Yes, I may have a tight bum – that must be why there’s often a laying on of hands when I appear in public.
The Rev Kev,
Thank you but NO need to pray for me…….
I follow the Hec-Be-Hec-Be-Attitudes….
*Beware The Man Who Would Not Shout If A Shark Bit Him….
*Beware The Man With Long Pockets, Short Hands….
*Beware The Man Who Still Has His School Lunch Money……KJ.
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:16 am
Dear Greek and loving it,
You asked: Did I (on the weekend) attend a drumming trance event in the Blue Mountains in my new second-hand white sweater?
No I did not. I attended a repetitive television trance event in my own lounge room. Just me and my white sweater.
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:51 am
Once again you’re absolutely spot on My Dear….
Any leader who stoops to dabble in free second hand utes is just pathetic.
c.f. Big Mal. Not only does he not strangle cats, when he deals he deals Big Time. And does a lot for the environment en route.
For example, his magnificent work back in ‘91 when he became chairman of AXIOM HOLDINGS – the company that did such a splendid job clearing trees off The Solomon Islands.
Mal bought into the company for a reported $200,000 and sold out a year later for a magnificent $25 million.
My only complaint is: Mal called himself ‘the company doctor’.
Surely doctor should read dentist?
Now that My Dear is what I call a Win-Win.
Yes, a win for M and a win for M.
Dear The Old Carnt,
Surely you know the score….?
What happens in Honiara STAYS in Honiara. KJ.
June 23rd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Ice is a very sought after commodity – particularly for one local lady.
On viewing people disposing of ‘used’ party ice on their lawn one sunny afternoon, she sped over with a shovel and bucket to retrieve for her freezer.
The same person has been known to frequent the local Op Shop and once complained vehemently that she was overcharged by 20c.
She only realised this a couple of days after her visit, but was adamant on receiving her correct change!
Same person has also been known to frequent the same op shop and change the price tags (from $3 to $2) prior to buying.
Perhaps she should change her name to Charity.
Dear Megsy,
Yes, Yes….another confirmed sighting of a Pathological Tight Arse WITH the lowest carbon footprint ever recorded. KJ.
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:58 pm
The Ice Collector is welcome to come and scrape out my freezer any time.
June 24th, 2009 at 8:43 am
KJ,
I pray to our new Patron Saint Of The Nervy that NO-ONE followed Hec’s book on Who Will Stay And Who Will Go?
Dear The Big Arrowrooter,
Me too, me too….
I was in touch with Hec again overnight and he said I’d really got things arse about with his noughts. KJ.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Chaos Theory Experiment:
Would every public servant leaking to Malcom Turnbull please stamp their feet simultaneously at precisely 4pm, today.
June 24th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
KJ – Correct as always. A Mazda Bravo cannot properly be described as a ute.
My own dear dad has driven the same Holden one-tonner for over 20 years and it meets the definition of a proper ute in that it is undeniably ugly and no self-respecting female would contemplate entering it even as a passenger, let alone as a driver.
My cousin used to drive a Ford F-100, which was so big that you actually had to climb up a step to get in.
The tray of the F-100 was roomy enough, if circumstances ever made it necessary to live in and my cousin kept a secret stash of a certain type of magazine under the seat.
The Holden one-tonner and the Ford F-100 are real utes that you can use to carry a load of wood or some assorted livestock. A Mazda Bravo is suitable only for driving to social tennis at the Soldiers’ Club courts.
Dear Roma Street,
I do hope Therese is not using THE controversial Mazda Bravo for her trips to the gym……..
If a the Ford F -100 and the Holden one-tonner are regarded as utes, then I was WRONG. I thought a ute (whether it was used to transport wood, kelpies or soft porn) had to be ‘all-in-one’ – ie. NO separate tray. As in ‘Brad’s just gone and got a loan for a Holden ute…’KJ
June 24th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
El-Oh-El, KJ. I thought you were disparaging the Bravo because of its rank girlieness, not because of a piece of specificational arcana.
I’ve never heard of a one-tonner being described as anything but a ute, but then again I’m a Townie. And a Protestant.
I’m no authority on what sort of terminology some of those farm-dwelling left-footers use.
Dear Roma Street,
Here’s a leak……
I am a Catholic. And a Townie. I know little about utes. What I am trying to do with my Mazda Bravo bravado is rescue my integrity following my recent political predictions. Pathetic I know. But I am in a position NO blogger should ever be in…..KJ.
June 24th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Chadwick,
Thought you might be interested to know that at precisely 4pm today a butterfly (with wings flapping) landed on my bum.
I was in Woolies, opened the freezer door and hundreds of Lean Cuisines came toppling out. KJ.
June 24th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
KJ,
The Ginger Man always has something to say……
A bit worrying there’s been no comment about tight holes, leaks or utes.
Obviously – on his many travels and adventures – he has never been to a B&S Ball.
Dear Megsy,
I seem to remember TGM once told us he’d been to the Bletchley & Spooks Reunion but you’re right, no B&S BALL.
I fear TGM may be cowering in a broom cupboard somewhere in the Federal Treasury.
There’s nought we can do except pray to Godwin, Patron Saint Of The Nervy……AND check RSPCA Shelters to see if anyone’s dropped off Five Super Puppies, a fox and a new-born Fingo. KJ.
June 25th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Dear The Rev Kev,
All of this talk about my hero being a Pathological Tight Arse is a beat up, and Darling, we all know it.
I have a 1988 Holden Barina. You can borrow it from me anytime.
Mr Chadwick, you are a genius.
I have, in the past mooted that I am nothing but a Public Servant secretary.
The office, at exactly 4pm yesterday, resembled a scene from Dancing With the Stars (Tap Dance category).
But, MY tootsies remained planted firmly on the ground.
Chadwick, please consider becoming a Government advisor.
Love always,
Marry Me.
June 25th, 2009 at 9:05 am
My Amore, my Amore KJ,
What is a real ute man?
How do Fabio become one of these peoples?
If I be one of these, will I be able to fit many lady in, just like in Ferrari?
I will sent The Rev Kev some food. I not know his address. KJ, will you make sure my friend not starving?
I think of you and The Rev Kev much.
Love to all my Beautiful Cobbers,.
Fabio.
Dear Fabio,
It’s hard to define a Real Ute Man – you just KNOW it when ya see one. KJ.
June 25th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Dear The Ginger Man,
Where are you when I need you?
Are you Godwin Grech?
Love,
Fannie.
June 25th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I went to check My Dear,
Yes, you were right on June 23rd when you said: What happens in Honiara stays in HONIARA.
Almost 100% true.
Everything stays….
Except the money,
And the trees.
Well Done Malcolm – excellent work.
Dear The Old Carnt,
You really DO have it in for Mal and his attempts to provide employment for hard-pressed locals in The Solomons. And, with things underfolding as they are in Canberra, let’s face it……Big Mal may be back spinning his magic in The Top End Of Town real soon. KJ.
June 25th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
I sat out on my upstairs veranda this afternoon as I often do around sunset and watched the sandwich people down on the street below.
These are folks like me buttering both sides, caring for young meat on one hand and virtual vegetables on the other.
Then I came downstairs and thought about what I heard on the radio the other day about – and please confirm if this is true anyone- that it was Germany that invented modern democracy, not Greece.
OK, it’s time to get hold of that ute, hire a sole contractor and get whoever it is to drive as fast as he can due west and find The Ginger Man.
Hey, maybe I can go?
Dear Greek and loving it,
You’re so interesting when in a contemplative mood – reaching in, reaching out.
So, SO much concern about The Ginger Man…….
People worked up…..waiting, waiting to hear from a man who could hardly be described as ‘risk aversive’.
I haven’t told anyone this….but even the boys at the Parkes Telescope can’t get a fix on TGM.
Am a little teary. Must go. KJ.
June 25th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I have been scared to post since I saw that article about the British police ‘insider’ blogger and now poor Grech!
Dickens eat your heart out. I do so feel for him.
All they can get on the man is a big hairy palm tree in his front yard which he did not – without question – plant.
Now, he’s fodder for the front page.
As far as stingy men, I know many marriages that would not have survived if both parties had not been rich and incredibly stingy. So being tight can be beneficial to children.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
Mr Godwin Grech is a complex man in deep do-do. I just saw his palm tree on the news. The neighbours seem nice people. And that’s a good thing because they’ll be collecting the mail and letting the Federal Police in. Godwin has been admitted to hospital in a nervy state. KJ.
June 25th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Oh be-Jesus!
True story?
You know I always miss the news – pressing filo pastry into shape is a mugs game, and unappreciated.
Dear Greek and loving it…..
Sad but true…
Our Patron Saint Of The Nervy is in hospital. My sources have confirmed that he hasn’t got a Laptop with him. KJ.
June 27th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Jacko gone AND The Ginger Man Missing……
What next?
June 27th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Just landed. Much to tell.
Dear TGM,
Thank God!! Thank Godwin!! KJ.
June 28th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
While we’re on cheap – back in the early-to-mid-1980s all the cool boys (or at least the town’s very brave 2 or 3 cool boys of the skinny, floppy-fringed, artsy persuasion) were wearing early 1960s-type skinny-lapelled suits with the sleeves rolled up, teamed with Human League/Dropbears/Marilyn/Duran Duran t-shirts and fluoro socks.
These suits weren’t tough to get hold of.
Most people’s dads had them tucked away in the back of the wardrobe.
But another source was (of course) Vinnie’s. Anyway, a boy a couple of years above me at school (I went to school with his sister, so I know this story to be all too true) wanted a new suit for the LHS social, but lacked the readies with which to purchase one, so he went into Vinnie’s with his school tracksuit on, took a suit into the changerooms, put it on, slipped the black-and-white trackie back on over the top, and then skedaddled.
The topper was – he brought the suit back to Vinnie’s on the Friday after the social, said he’d changed his mind, and got his money back.
So, not only cheap, but Hellbound also.
Dear Roma Street,
So young, so young…..FRIGHTENING! Pathological Tight Arse or homegrown delinquent?
Take your pick. KJ.