Email to:Lapping In Cars With Boys
Thank you Walter Burley Griffin, thank you……
Now, most folks know you as the genius who gave us The Rev Kev’s Kingdom but how many people know that Leeton also came tumbling off your drawing board when the Foundation Dreamers of the Murrumbigee Irrigation Area realised towns would be needed to service the salinity?
BUT even less people are aware of your greatest legacy:
Undisputedly, Australia’s BEST Lapping Circuit……
*Definition: Lapping, Lapping The Main: The long-practised ritual in Australian country towns where young people in motor vehicles spend up to 16 hours at a time driving up and down main streets. Viewed as ‘moronic’ by Non-Lappers and carbon emissions alarmists.
(cr: ekpatterson:flickr)
I am a Lapper. Always have, aways will be. I KNOW what makes for great Lapping and so did you Mr WB Griffin.
Goddammit! I’m gonna make those Leeton kids Goddamm love me…..I’m gonna make their Goddamm main street, Pine Avenue, a duel carriageway. And Goddammit, I’m gonna plonk a big War Memorial at one end where Lappers can pay their respects AND then whizz up the other side of the street, execute a nifty turn at the other end…..and God bless ‘em – Goddammit! - they can do it all again and again and again……
BUT, with respect Mr WGB, it’s NOT that simple. Let’s go Lapping Pine Avenue on Saturday night and I’ll show you why………
First, meet Warren. He’s an apprentice fitter and turner at the Cannery. Handsome in a next-door-bar-one sort of way. Gwennie says Warren’s okay - seems to have his head screwed on unlike those parents of his…….
Warren’s payin’ off a car: A basic bench-seated Holden Kingswood with superb engine and exhaust modifications all done for nought in the Cannery machine workshop. The Kingie is NO longer a serviceable family car: It is a loud, heaving, powerful, ozone layer destroying beast.
It is the PERFECT Lapping Vehicle……….
Warren and me are goin’ good, real good. Warren has been looking for a girl not too up herself to enjoy Lapping. Ditto for a girl who doesn’t yap too much while Lapping is underway.
I understand. A man who’s Lapping has much on his mind. For starters, real Lappers drive with only one hand. The other elbow is nonchantly rested out the window. However, when there’s a tricky manoeuvre to be executed - perhaps an angry burnout after bowling over a pensioner at the pedestrian crossing or negotiating the ‘death’ swoop around the War Memorial - two hands come into play.
It is in the moment before that second elbow returns to its traditional Lapping configuration, that a quick feel up is most likely to happen.
And let it be said: NOTHING comes close to a mid-Lapping feel up… dangerous, urgent, a rare and exciting mix of the public and private spheres….
And a good Lapping sess is organic…..one lap quickly becomes fifty, fifty eighty, eighty 456, 456 -789………
Up Pine Avenue – Gee, it’s a bit rough outside the pub – Around the monument – Why is just about everyone up there called Harold? - (Engine Roar!) Down the other side of Pine Avenue -Take a look at that, what a tart!….. (Threatened Burnout!) ’U-ey’ chucked - Gee, that was close Warren - (Muffler – what muffler?!!) Up the OTHER side of Pine Avenue – Around the monument – Rest Easy Harolds – (Roar, roar, ROAR) - SUDDEN Halt. Classic ’standing’ start (ROAR, ROAR!) Dislocated neck….
You right babe?
Yes, thank you Warren, I’m good……….
And why wouldn’t I be? Safe in The Kingie….with a boy with only one (intermittently) available hand, safe from the nuns and their poking and prodding and mascara-hating ways, safe from four sisters hellbent on telling everyone that I’ve moved into DD bras……
By the way, it is those same sisters who whenever we’re home……..always ask: Wanna do a Lap KJ, wanna do a Lap?
**********************************************************************************************************************************
So..as always….do report in. Trigger words: Lapping, Kingswood, Safety, Tart, Double D, Single-Handed – and any others that get you going from our sponsor The Macquarie: Australia’s National Dictionary.
SCIENCE WEEK WITH THE GINGER MAN ON KERRIEJEAN.COM
Absolutely thrilled to report that the ABC has appointed the The Ginger Man as an official ambassador for Science Week.
All this week The Ginger Man will, though his KLYTORIAN CHRONICLES, will continue to push the parameters of what surely will become Australia’s hottest Scientific Debate.
Does Klytoria Exist?
Has Klytoria finally been located?
Should Klytorian doubters be heard?
*The Ginger Man’s Science Week Klytorian Special is accessible in the comments section
******ALL commenters go for it!! Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo – just ignore it.
Prawn Cutlet Award
August 17th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Walter Burley Griffin got up one morning.
He had a pee and thought – I think I’ll design Leeton today.
Dear The Dude,
And when he finished work for the day, he had a cuppa and thought: I think I’ll design Griffith tomorrow. KJ.
August 17th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Leda (I said) do you worship?
She flashed her pink tongue.
Of course we do.
We dream. We are dreamers…..
About?
Him. He who will come.
Come when?
Sooner or later, he will come. Or we will come……
I see…….Do you have enemies?
Of course. Those from the evil planets of Egonia, Raptya, Sadista, Pornia and Brutia. And those who deny our very existence. But still we dream.
Can we dream with you?
Of course. But dreaming has consequences……
August 17th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
KJ,
Lapping Pine Avenue was essential when the evening patrons of the beautiful Roxy Theatre dispersed.
Lappers had to be seen …. they also had plenty to say.
The insults called from the drivers’ windows could barely be heard above the engines’ revs.
Stuck up morons!
Sound of Music on again?
(and the like)
Crossing Pine Avenue was unthinkable.
Team lapping saw to that.
There you are……wishing for the good old days once more……….
Dear Ex-Leetonite,
Well, I think the question: ‘Sound Of Music On Again?’ was not only valid, but really deserved an honest answer. KJ.
August 17th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Dear KJ
You’re absolutely right. 100%.
Life is a journey and as we motor down its highway, I think young Warren is setting a superb example to all decent, hard working Australians…..he’s taken aboard a passenger or – shall we say – a fellow traveller in the journey of life.
You may well call it lapping KJ.
We in the all new, climate changin’, small carbon footprintin’, emissions sharin’ ALP
call it: CAR POOLING.
I’ve passed your ideas onto Penny, who’ll I’ve no doubt attempt to share them with your namesake Kerry O’B next time she appears on the 7.30 Report…..IF she can get a word in…..
Gosh, isn’t Kerry getting cranky in his old age?
Last time he talked to Malcolm his face went so red, I thought there was something wrong with my TV set. There wasn’t. In fact now The Rev Kev Government’s introduced digital, Kerry’s melon seems all the more real. Progress eh?
Enough to warm the cockles of old W.Burley’s heart…..
God bless Australia!
The Rev Kev
Dear The Rev Rev,
Penny may be interested to know this. In the early eighties pioneering car loads of women started lapping Pine Avenue all by themselves. Caused quite a stir! Wonder what Kerry O’B would have to say to that! KJ.
August 17th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Dear TGM and The Chief Monk,
Will you be doing any live presentations on ‘The Klytorian Chronicles’ during Science Week?
August 18th, 2009 at 12:20 am
M’dear Meg,
Of course, but the K hunt for Spidie and other factors may life very uncertain.
WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BLOODY PINK ?
August 18th, 2009 at 2:33 am
What do you think of Science? I asked Leda as she watched The Chief Monk and the Dervish or Darvish Whirlers in action.
Her pink tongue lashed out a moment, and then retreated.
It is only recently that Science will admit that Klytoria exists……And then there are those who would destroy our Pink Planet.
But what do you study? I asked.
The Art and Science of Love, what else…..?
Do you canoodle?
She reached for her tranducer.
It’s an Australian word, popular in Irrigation Areas that do not have any water.
I see……
The Chief Monk heard us and stopped whirrling.
De centrifuge is the centre of all tings, Yesirreebobtruedat……
Hard to argue against such empirical wisdom………
August 18th, 2009 at 3:43 am
The image of the Moon flashed past our window….
Leda (I said) the Moon is the result of a Giant Impact….
Its rocks are much older than ours.
At present, the best explanation for the origin of the Moon involves a collision of two protoplanetary bodies during the early accretional period of Solar System evolution……
The colliding body has sometimes been referred to as Theia, the mother of Selene, the Moon goddess in Greek mythology.
Ah, Theia (said Leda) Isn’t she beautiful?
Yes, well, of course, but we are talking Science!
August 18th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Yes indeed, KJ – whenever I’m in town and one of my siblings and myself are tooling around running some errand or other, the question that invariably escapes my lips is Wanna crack a lap?
Many a Friday and Saturday night we used to spend back in the Paleozoic Era slowly making the round from the Yanco end of the main drag to the Whitton end and back (and back and back and back and back and back ) again.
Quite the cosy little gathering you could get up in a car – 4 or 5 like-minded teenagers, some hot chips, a few cans of Coke, Purple Rain or The Swing blasting from the deck – a four or five hour moving conversation interspersed with the odd bit of heckling and g’daying out the window. Lovely.
I’ve lapped in a Humber, I’ve lapped in a Morris, I’ve lapped in any number of box-like and undistinguished family sedans and wagons, but best of all – I’ve lapped in a hotted-up Monaro.
Dear Roma Street,
You just cannot CANNOT come in here and nonchantly note: ‘I’ve lapped in a hotted up Monaro….’
I am speechless: this is the best of Walter Burley Griffin’s vision multiplied by 173.
Whose Monaro? What model? What colour? Was the Monaro best for standing starts near the pedestrian crossing or those jerking rev surges around the Monument?
….You got the info babe: COUGH UP!!!!!
* I note your Lapping music choices. There’s ONE song that will always mean ‘Leeton Lapping’ for me….
The particular Lapping circumstances were NOT that great to tell ya the truth. There I was in a light blue ‘Kingie’ (not the one in the main story) with a fella I’d describe as the ‘world’s least joyous Lapper…’
Over the regulation four or five hours he said NOTHING. Which was probably good because THIS (link below) was coming out of the speakers at 456000 decibels.
Law abiding folks on Pine Avenue had their ear drums shattered…
Already they were learning to sign – CONSTANTLY giving us THE finger…
So, Roma Street, pump up the PC and hop in!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63CiRbiaoFo
August 18th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Came downstairs As An Act Of Courage…..
Saw the posts about Klytoria.
Star Trek it is NOT!
Back upstairs to the doona.
Dear The Knuckle,
Something just for you! Are you aware that Sunday Aug 30th is World Stay In Bed Day?
http://www.stayinbedday.org.au/
KJ.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
KJ – I don’t want to blow the gaff on my own identity or the identity of the Monaro owner, and a brief physical description of either the car or the driver would do that.
Both of them were one of a kind. I will tell you it was a ‘73 model.
Interesting that you should bring The Sweet into the equation, because I once saw the members of that band in the chicken shop next to Nolan’s sport store.
The year would have been about 1985, and it was the day after their non-triumphant gig at the Leeton Soldiers’ Club.
A bedraggled lot of middle-aged wastrels they looked, too.
I’m not sure if they were still calling themselves a glam band at that stage – but if they were – they were contravening the Trade Descriptions Act.
When I say I SAW The Sweet – I think it was like the case of the man who had been using the same axe for 40 years, with only four new heads and three new handles.
I doubt many of them featured in that youtube clip from their heyday.
Dear Roma Street,
Alright, ALRIGHT…….I won’t further pursue the identity of The King Of Pine Avenue….
NOW, onto the matter of a sighting of ‘The Sweet in’ The Chicken Spot. I’d suggest it was a brush NOT with fame but a broken down tribute band.
I’ve mentioned this before BUT……I had an intimate brush with fame around 1974.
While working at the Mates Department Store on Pine Avenue one Saturday, I sold a pair of red jocks to Normie Rowe.
He was appearing at the RSL that night.
The man is obviously a real stickler when it comes to matters of presentation….KJ.
August 18th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
The Chief Monk sat with us…….
De Solar System dat is Centrifugre, whirling whirrrrrrrlin jes like us…..
Leda darted the tongue and said: You are right, and love is at the centre. How do you say? Yes, Sir. That is True?
Yessirreebobtruedat!
August 18th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Dear TGM,
Will Fingo’s DNA be officially scrutinised during Science Week?
Dear Megsy,
Fingo IS 50% Fox, 50% Dingo. TGM has told us so and that’s good enough for me! KJ.
August 18th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
WELL KJ!
During Science Week, if I can’t tell the kids about Fingo’s DNA results then how about this?
Hey kids, humans don’t peel a banana from the same end as monkeys? It’s true -Yesirreebobtruedat!!!!!
Why? Miss Meg, WHY?
I shall reply thus -
Don’t know but if we did we wouldn’t have to worry about all those long stringy bits.
Yesirreebobtruedat!!
Yesirreebobtruedat Miss Megsy Yesirreebobtruedat!!!!!
Dear Megsy,
My dream is that EVERY Australian child be proficent in the Chief Monk dialect by Christmas. Yesirreebobtruedat!!!!!
August 18th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Leda laughed……
Truedat. How you men from Earth speak!
I hope we land soon…….
August 18th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
I whirlin to the observation deck and peerin through de instruments.
Dat Mars ! Dat Venus ! Dat KJ’s rooftop. Dat de Cannery.
Dat de Monasterie in Al Gundi-gai!!
Dat de Miss Megsy Meat Tray Jus Jokin’s School House….!!!!!
Yesirreebob !
August 19th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
In later years, Kerrie Jean ran a website on which she discussed puberty, lapping, sexual exploration, cultural changes and Swiss yodelling.
Good on ya KJ!
You are now in the Hall Of Fame of Australian Journalism.
Dear Mr Chadwick,
I feel a Walkley coming on, I really do……thank you, KJ.
August 19th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Mr Monk (I said) Science Week must surely include linguistics.
Yo mean dat lingo, yessir?
Yes, lingo, Mr Monk. Leda and others and Miss Meg are very curious…..
Miss MegMeatTrayjesjokin?
Yes.
I lub her. Me lub everybody. De Good Book says lub yo enemas.
Gib yo enemas lots of lubbing.
Mr Monk, can you explain, how you come to say Yessirreebobtruedat?
De Darvishes once live in de America, de Yewnited Staytes. Dere de Yank say yesirreebob.
We live in Darvish Monasterie in Harlem wiv de Schwarzes, de black and lubly pipple. Every time dey say true dat.
Dey say presidfent Obama like us. Truedat.
So we say we very Hamerican. We say yessireebobtruedat…..
We bring de terme to Hostraylia wiv us. Yessireebobtruedat.
Thank you Mr Monk for satisfying my curiosity……
August 19th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Ever had trouble getting ice for your drink?
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/18/2659890.htm
August 19th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Well spotted Chadwick.
Good man.
The nanny police are everywhere and MUST be exposed.
I mean if a man can’t get pissed out of his tiny mind and then ski from a great height, what’s the point?
August 19th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Dear The Chief Monk,
So……..De Good Book says lub yo enemas.
As a child of Leeton I lub colonic irrigation.
Dear Ex-Leetonite,
The nuns always said ‘Love your enemas’ but I find it very hard. KJ.
August 19th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
A Science Week tip:
One enema at a time please.
August 20th, 2009 at 2:04 am
My dear Lady Leda,
Oh, my poor creature how my heart goes out to you as your interspace yearnings are expressed in such a way that this humble unknown Friend of yours shares here on Earth in such a way that your dear inner self cannot possibly comprehend.
TGM listens, but does not respond, like Mr Darcy.
Oh, dear Leda how inexpressible are our feminine feelings.
Jane, dear Jane Eyre, understands as I do, your dear unknown Friend.
Ever,
Pandora.
Dear Pandora! Where you been? I searched the ABC ‘parlour’ (the atrium) for you during the recent ABC Knit-In to NO avail. I was looking for someone breaking the rules – doing tapestry…..
A little secret Pandora – I always find a change of season very difficult – I yearn and yearn and yearn Ahhhh..KJ.
August 20th, 2009 at 10:39 am
No KJ – it wasn’t a tribute band that I encountered in the C Spot, but The Sweet in person. Or at least the 1985 incarnation thereof.
As rockin’ afficionados are aware, these serious road bands have a pretty high churn rate.
Hence the version of The Drifters that you see belting out the back catalogue at Revesby Workers’ on a Tuesday night might contain one bloke who met Ben E. King’s second cousin at a barbecue in 1973, and that will be the extent of the resemblance to the original line-up.
My dad worked at Mates back in the early 70’s himself, but he sold whitegoods and electrical appliances, not underpants.
I don’t think he ever met anyone of the calibre of Normie Rowe, although he may have sold a fridge or washing machine to Cr Maguire or Max Kruse, perhaps.
Dear Roma Street,
Selling a fridge to the late great Maxwell Kruse would have indeed been a great honour. I know Max was NOT of your code BUT you are obviously aware of his legendary status. For those who aren’t Maxwell Kruse was still playing first grade Aussie Rules when he was (I think) more than 40 years old. His son, Max jnr, also had some games in the AFL. KJ.
August 20th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Dear KJ,
So you fossils had an equivalent to Clubbing……?
Exciting and dangerous in the mosh pit that was Lapping eh?
Currently ploughing into Assignment on Neo-Nazism…….
Go home KJ – chuck a lap, get whiplash and give my love to Wazza.
Love,
Fanny.
Dear Fanny,
Thanks for a great idea!
I’m going to see the boss right now. Knock knock. Hello KJ how are you going today?
Thank you for asking but I don’t feel well at all. I have WHIPLASH….an old lapping injury.
Take all the time off you need KJ, all the time you need……KJ.
August 20th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Dear The Ginger Man,
Congratulations on your appointment as Aunty’s official ambassador for Science Week.
Serious biz!
….Once again I seek refuge in your sagasity.
I fear that my Yogi is from Egonia, Raptya, Sadista, Pornia AND Brutia simultaneously.
Recently, after an hour in the spa, a cocktail of treats, and a romp from Here to Eternity, he was blatantly rude. Yogi beemed up his Tartus and did a runner…..a lap of the universe. Was he looking for The Chief Monk?
Boo Boo rang Planet Poundistia. No show.
Boo Boo did more leafletting than any candidate will need to do to retain their seat at the next Federal Election.
Boo Boo sobbed.
Then just as Boo Boo’s thoughts turned to pure hatred, Tardis landed.
Yogi, oblivious to the grief he had caused, strolled into the parlour and said: How’s ya day been Boo Boo?
TGM, what do you think I should do? Ground Yogi from accessing KJ’s blog? Maybe he’s impressed by this notion of lapping …
I await your missive … over …
Boo Boo.
August 20th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Indeed, KJ – Max Kruse was one of the great men of Leeton.
While most people who grew up around the joint in the 70s would remember Max as a stalwart down back for the Redlegs until well into his late 40s, what Max himself would be too modest to tell you is that he was a bona fide superstar, carnival rep and premiership player for the very strong VFA club, Prahran, back in the fifties.
He is still considered one of Prahrans’ greatest sons, on top of being an authentic Redlegs legend.
He was also courted with serious intent by the all-powerful (at the time, not now), Melbourne Football Club which was a powerhouse in the VFL.
My own recollection of him was as a mate of my dad’s – who kindly waived our green fees at his place of employment, the Leeton Golf Club.
He was often seen lapping the outskirts of the course in full Redlegs gear, keeping in nick for the footy.
Dear Roma Street,
A superb backgrounder on the late great streak of a man, Maxwell Kruse.
In a wider context, people playing comp footy well into their forties would be ALMOST unheard of these days – the game, at all levels, is just SO much faster…..
I say ALMOST because I do know of one place where local legend is that three generations of the same family have been spotted together in the same game on the same field.
That place is King Island (known affectionately as ‘The Rock’) in stormy Bass Strait.
I spent four glorious months on King Island during the Winter of 2000. And I’ll do it again.
With a population of only about 1500 people, ‘The Rocks’ boasts the KI Australian Football League. Three teams.
I will speak more of my time on KI (wonderful, wild and yes, it’s got a kickarse side) at a later date. KJ.
August 20th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
(Translated by tranducer on SS Klytoia, in Space)
Ms Boo Boo,
I Fingo the Fox-Dingo. Yogi must come to Leeton and join me and The Five Super Puppies. We have big yowl together and much sniffing.
Fingo.
August 20th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
There was a loud noise, much scraping and clunking and the sounds of a connection being made.
Space Odium 101 in situ, Sir – sounded a voice.
Leda quickly changed from kimono to space suit, her pink tongue darting…..
Open SS Klytoria’s doors she commanded her green eyes flashing……
Through the entry came three shadowy figures.
Fingo leapt into my arms, his bushy tail covering his eyes.
The trio identified themselves:
Spider-Man, Malcolm Turnbull and Godwin Grech.
Looking for me? said Spidie.
I need love, much love said Turnbull.
I need colon irrigation from a higher civilization said Grech.
Come (said Leda) Here you will find your Dreams……………
August 20th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
I say:
Lord Ginge and LedaMissMeatTrayjesjokin, What dis mean?
He say:
The eagle has farted…….
August 20th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Dear Roma Street and KJ,
Max Kruse: pity he’s not around to come in here and, as a special Science Week guest, tell us how he kept playing tough country footy into his late forties.
Well done Max.
August 21st, 2009 at 6:13 am
Onboard Science Week Spaceship SS Klytoria…
Why are you looking for me? Asked Spidie.
We need someone to run up our transmitter mast and stroke it back to life said Leda of the Pink Tongue.
Sorry, done that already. By the way I’ve just run around the circumference of the ship, and it could do with a good cleanup. Back in a minute, I’ve more cleaning and climbing to do.
Leda flashed her pink tongue as she watched him flash away: Come down soon, Come Down Immediately!
Her green eyes were then flashed onto Malcolm T who declared:
Nobody loves me since that email…….
Hemale? Her fingers fluttered across the tranducer………Surely, you ARE male? Do you want me to check?
No, no, no,no I am a man, but I am a man without Love…..
Malcolm T began to sob again…….
Come, sit down on my lap.
The OppLeader came cautiously to her. In a flash he was covered with The Five Super Puppies and Fingo giving him loving licks.
Well, I must say I DO feel better……
Godwin Grech came forward and was immediately grasped by the Chief Monk who drew him into a spinning dance.
Yasee Mist Grech? Da spinning git riddy of all de TOXINS. The Darvish medicin of Lub de Enemas make you pure an reddy fra de LUB!
The little chap began to perk up.
Lots happening up here……
Ah, the wonders of Science.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:11 am
When dat Monk walks in
And takes ya fra de spin
Oo la, la, la!
C’est magnifique!
When Lord Ginge’s grin
Shows he’s absintheing agin
Oo la, la, la!
C’est magnifique
When loving and de laffin
Gets yez all right in
Oo, la, la, la!
C’est magnifique
When Fingo goes a-hoppin
Super Puppies lick dere chins
Oo, la,la, la!
C’est magnifique
When Leeton goes a lappin
Round lamposts cars a-wrappin
Oo, la,la,la!
C’est magnifique….
When Malcom an his fren
Godwin find de lubbin all agin
Oo, la, la, la
C’est magnifique…..
August 21st, 2009 at 8:21 am
Dear Miss Ross,
Carnt understand what’s going on anymore.
For all the tremendous work you and your team have done in demystifying gender/identity issues, I open the newspaper this morning to read the headline:
SHE’S MY LITTLE GIRL: FATHER’S ANGER AT GENDER BENDER CLAIM.
The accompanying story concerns Caster Semenya – South Africa’s new 800m world champion. This lass runs so fast they’re saying she must be chap.
And I say: BOLLOCKS!
And I also say: So What?
Down at my club it’s been known for years that Don Bradman was a girl.
You only had to look at the way he ran between the wickets.
Littler Johnny Howard knew this all along, but slapped a D Notice on the whole affair (thought it would be bad for the country’s morale!)
In fact a dear friend of mine – let’s call him Jimmy (never know who’s reading your blog) – is in a possession of a pair of Don(na’s) Knickers – a treasured possession .
Just think – if her baggy green was worth $100,000 on e-bay, what the fans would pay for Donna’s original negligee?
Keep up the good work.
Difficult times, I know, but as the Rev Kev is wont to say – a little too often for my liking -
there are green shoots bursting out all over this fair land.
I remain,
The Old Carnt
Dear The Old Carnt,
A Science Week exclusive……
BRADMAN NOT ONLY BORING BUT A SHEILA AS WELL!
Thank you. I am a Walkley just waiting to happen. Just rang Gwennie – she could only but agree. KJ.
August 21st, 2009 at 11:06 am
Marvellous, Bloody Marvellous to hear from you Fingo.
So you think a Yowl-In with You and the Famous Five will cure Yogi’s evil ways?
I am at breaking point.
And a little concerned. Interventions have had some bad press of late Fingo.
Should Yogi regress to childhood, I will replant the chip in his head … the one he got from Planet Nastimuckaramus.
Boo Boo
August 21st, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Science Week nearly over.
Book Week next.
Literacy/Numeracy Week follows.
I feel like The Chief Monk a-spinning…..
It’s Friday!
YESSIRREEBOBTRUEDATMISSMEGSYMEATTRAYJUSJOKIN
Dear Megsy,
After after Literacy Week, something I always look forward to: BOTOX Week!
YESSIRREEBOBTRUEDATMISSKJMEATTRAYJUSJOKIN
KJ.
August 22nd, 2009 at 2:00 am
After twirling with Malcolm and Godwin Grech, then trying to persuade Spidie to Whirl Down, The Chief Monk darted to the observation deck.
Dere de Ross house! Dere MizGwennieMeatTrayJesjokin! Dere de Cannery Sight!
Dere de Hirrigation Harea without de Water! Dere de LEETON !
EVERYBUDDY TWIRL NOW YESIRREEBOBTRUEDAT!
I need a rest.
August 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
We have a broadcast from…..what do you Earthlings call it?
The wireless from the Prime Beef Monitor, is that right? Sorry, the tranducer is malfunctioning.
YOU ASK DO I CARE ABOUT PUPPIES IN SPACE?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT…..?
I ANSWER AS PART OF SCIENCE WEEK IN THE AFFIRMATIVE.
YOU ASK AM I CONCERNED ABOUT GENETIC ENGINEERING OF FOXES AND DINGOES.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
AGAIN I ANSWER IN THE AFFIRMATIVE……
I NOTE THE TOTAL ABSENCE OF THE HONORABLE LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION DURING SCIENCE WEEK.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HIS FRIEND MR GRECH HAS GONE MISSING TOO….
NOW THAT MY COMPUTER HAS BEEN REFORMATTED AS PART OF SCIENCE WEEK I HAVE SENT HIM AN EMAIL TO EXPLAIN THEIR DISAPPEARANCE.
August 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
As Leda nursed Malcolm I had a question for her……
Do Klytorians cry?
She looked puzzled.
Cry, shed tears, weep, express sorrow…..?
Of course.
What do you do?
We do something about it.
Such as?
Well, we have just called a moon a new name…
It is?
Caster.
August 23rd, 2009 at 4:42 am
The Chief Monk is convinced he has a convert in Malcolm Turnbull, who has responded well, along with Godwin, to Leda’s affectionate nursing.
Yo, Mister Turncow I hab de Great Hinvention!
Another Socialist Stimulation I suppose?
Nosirreebob. I had de Hinvention ob de Hinventions! Hit be Capitalist!
And it is called?
De Meat Tray Dervish Display Wiv Gels! It be a winner, Yesirreebobtruedat!!!!!!
Here am de Dervish Display Meat Tray:
http://www.ibcshell.com/amazing/dervish.htm
August 23rd, 2009 at 6:16 pm
TGM and The Chief Monk,
I am very pleased to see that Mr Turnbull is feeling better.
So is the ALP.
News today that it had a close brush with Malcolm-fuelled oblivion:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/23/2663964.htm
August 23rd, 2009 at 7:01 pm
The Chief Monk is on a high.
Leda flashed her pink tongue and asked if he found amusement in religion.
Yesirreebobtruedat!!!!!!
I askin dese fellas to Git Up an Dance:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/photos/2009/08/22/2663638.htm
August 23rd, 2009 at 8:39 pm
What a Science Week it has been….
As we approach Earth the Chief Monk is a- whirlin, a-somersaultin, a-singin and a-fartin, and, of course, a-lubbin.
Feel de LUB! he told Malcolm.
Malcolm – on Leda’s knees – said Yes I feel SO MUCH BETTER.
Godwin said I FEEL IRRIGATED BY A HIGHER POWER.
Spidie said THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO CLIMB
I said COME DOWN IMMEDIATELY.
It is time for fare ye well.
Leda flashed her pink tongue at my ear.
Keep dreaming.
I shall. And you?
YESSIREEBOBTRUEDAT!!!! (She smiled) You see I can speak Dervish too now.
The spaceship began to twirl…..
THE END……
August 23rd, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Thank you to everyone who participated in a manner appropriate during Science Week.
Our The Ginger Man and the funky Chief Monk?……an exceptional effort.
Klytorian doubters? I feel sorry for you, I really do………..
KJ