Marital Aids + Fruit Curry + Leeton Cannery =?
I tossed and turned all night grappling over whether it would right to go public about this……..
But (thank God) daylight came alongside with clarity…….
Hence, this account of my time spent more than 30 years ago in Australia’s premier food technology laboratory: The Fruit Control (FC) & Product Development facility at the Leeton Cannery.
So where did your dreams go? (cr: Crowolf: flickr)
It is agreed among tinned fruit circles at their highest levels that my time there coincided with the tenure of one of the true visionaries of the industry - Letona’s then Chief Fruit Controller, Scotsman Professor Mathie-Morton.
Because I had been deployed to the inner sanctum of FC I’d been subjected to the most rigorous of security checks. If you have ever consumed tinned peaches from Shepparton tick here, if you’ve ever uttered: Tinned Peaches Are Making Me Fat, tick here…..
Professor Mathie-Morton was a genius - sharing rare traits with his countrymen, Graham Alexander Bell and James Watts. They were all mad with ambition, freakishly creative and way, way ahead of their time.
To this day, I am proud that I witnessed the birth of Professor Mathie-Morton’s two new Letona Products - products to save our Cannery, re-invigorate our town……
The first was Little Red Baron tomato sauce.
Little Red Baron tomato sauce was…….tomato sauce. BUT, its packaging was anything but pedestrian. It was more device than food product. Little Red Baron tomato sauce was encased in an eight-inch, red plastic cylinder which, when empty, allegedly turned into a pencil case. It had little propeller thingos at one end and a distinctive moulded tip at the other.
Little Red Baron tomato sauce quickly found its niche and orders poured in - from Marital Aids wholesalers throughout Australia and The Pacific Rim.
And Professor Mathie-Morton, riding high on his invention, could NOT walk up our main street, Pine Avenue, unaccosted:
Have ya got any lead in ya Little Red Baron Pencil Case, Have Ya…!?….ee, ee, ee!!!!
*Meanwhile, in FC Headquarters, round-the-clock top-secret testing was underway on The Professor’s latest creation: Two Fruits ‘n Turf - Letona Fruit Curry.
I was in the Tasting Team. All day long – in a white coat and VERY cute net hat - I hung over big steaming enamel trays of mince with experimental quantities of pear and peach cubes dotted throughout.
My score sheet showed that mince 60%, peach, 30%, pear, 10% was – by far – my preferred option.
Sadly – unlike Little Red Baron tomato sauce – Two Fruits ‘n Turf – NEVER made it to the supermarket shelves. Focus groups had foreshadowed ‘buyer resistance’ on a massive scale even after the peach content was lowered to 25% with the addition of 5% sultanas.
I can only reaffirm…..
What a great privilege it was to work in Professor Mathie-Morton’s top-flight facility – challenging, exciting, cutting edge. AND if you did NOT share The Professor’s vision – New Frameworks/New Fruit - it was right and just that you immediately leave FC and go back to the process lines:
Go on, GO ON!!!!…..Just keep pushing peaches and pears into tins of syrup which the Japanese (incidentally) have had a gutful of…….GO ON!!!
So, let’s all celebrate the rare beasts that are the Professor Mathie-Mortons.
He did NOT save The Cannery, he did NOT see Two Fruits ‘n Turf become THE luncheon concoction of choice in India, he did NOT see Little Red Baron tomato sauce EVER used for its stated purpose…. BUT he did dream colossal things……..knowing that:
…..Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,–
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
(Tennyson, Ulysees).
THE GINGER MAN
cr: Curt: flickr
*The Ginger Man - Don’t Miss Out! (’You’d be a fool unto yourself if ya did….’)
His - the groundbreaking – The Crack Up Chronicles continue in our comments section. Come to think of it, The Ginger Man has a lot in common with Professor Mathie-Morton: fearless, absurdly street smart, obsessive, passion-aggressive and FUN, FUN, FUN!!!!
BUT, the bad news is that The Ginger Man (an old Bletchley Park operative) is in deep trouble. Brought low. Too much Absinthe, too much adventuring. Thank God for our universal health care system. TGM’s in a psych ward with the rest of Canberra.
For those folks new to The Ginger Man…..sit back, review your ergonomic settings - and take the wild ride……
*TGM’s been operating in kerriejean.com for months. And we are privileged to have him. To tell you the truth I’m dead scared that The New Yorker might just come along – with a big cheque book – $US - and snaffle him!
******ALL correspondents just take a deep breath and go for it!!
Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo – just ignore it.
Comment of the Week
September 28th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Blimey – we had Red Baron sauce when I was a kid but I blush when I admit that I never realised that it was a local product.
Dear Roma Street,
Just quietly, I’m chuffed. This is the very first time I’ve been one up on the ‘local knowledge’ front.
*Did you use the empty cylinder as a pencil case? KJ.
September 28th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Hello everyone…..
Testing today:
Macedonian Lutenitza. David Bowie. My tragic husband left it loaded in the CD player.
A daily nap instead of a daily number.
Lying.
Dear Greek & loving it,
There’s NOT a person in here who doesn’t want to meet your ‘tragic husband’ – and invite him to share a little prayer or two. KJ.
September 28th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Sorry KJ…..but I have an important industrial announcement that I must communicate to as many academics as quickly as possible and my twitter finger is down.
Fellow scholars across quadrangles everywhere!
Please don’t tell anyone but I’m collecting incidents of wider budgets, longer teeth and half-undressed students.
Everywhere!
I am rising like the Lydian shepherd Gyges and will be going NOWHERE until this is sorted. Any supporters or do I go alone?
Thank you.
Now I have to go. That new notice about the staff room fridge has just got to be finished today.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
So….am I right to deduce that having won your latest EBA Round, you have launched a one-woman campaign to rid Australian campuses of fat (’wider’ budgets) and old (’longer teeth’) academics and free-thinking (’half-undressed’) students.
I fear you have been under too much stress of late: time to check YOUR entitlements and take a little break. KJ.
September 28th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
The Rev Kev, how’s all Australians wank up call coming along?
September 28th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Psych Ward, Canberra…..
Godwin is responding well to ‘de lubbin’ as the Chief Monk puts it.
CM: De lubbin is all. Widout de lubbin no life is possible, nosirreebobtruedat. We lubbin yo, Godman.
GG: Really?
CM: True dat. Yo come here and have a spin wiv me and Fingo and de Supper Puppies. Forget de hemails, and de Treasurie and Mister TurnCow.
[They all spin].
Suddenly, we have a new guest…..
In full flight uniform. Captain Tom Baker of TAA, Trans-Australia Airlines (The Friendly Way).
Tom is also a patient.
CB: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. There are clear skies ahead, no turbulence. We are due to land at Charters Towers in two hours. Please do not smoke when the No Smoking signs are on. Thank you. We hope at TAA, the Friendly Way, that you enjoy a pleasant flight.
TGM: A drink from the flight bar, Captain?
CB: Goodness no. Regulations strictly prohibit such imbibement.
TGM: Have it your way, then.
CB: May Day, May Day, May Day…..The port engine is out. Feather the prop. Turn on the extinguisher. We’re going down. We’re all gonna die!
TGM: Can we smoke?
CB: You betcha, give me one too. And a drink. This is going to be one helluva flight. It reminds me of coming in after a mission over Munich.
TGM: Fortunately I am a trained parachutist from Bletchley Park. We have plenty of Sexual Parachutist chutes for all on board, and for Fingo and the Super Puppies and Nurse Try Do, and Doctor Spook. One for you, too, Captain.
CB: Thank God for you, Irishman. THANK GOD YOU ARE HERE!
TGM: Give him a tablet, Nurse Try Do.
NTD: I Try Do.
[She pops a tablet into Captain Baker’s mouth]
CB: Back to normal flight. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We hope at TAA, the Friendly Way, that you enjoy a pleasant flight. There are clear skies ahead, no turbulence. We are due to land at Charters Towers in two hours. Please do not smoke when the No Smoking signs are on. Thank you.
TGM: More sugar cubes and Absinthe, please Nurse Try Do.
NTD: I Try Do.
To be continued…….
September 28th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Psych Ward, Canberra…
Dr Spook, heavily influenced by Absinthe, asked me if the Irish were inventive.
Sure said I.
In Dundalk, they invented the Corrs.
In Kerry, they invented the Rosses.
By that I do not mean these coupla fellers:
http://www.kerryrossproductions.com/
*An ancestor of mine in Dublin (for the cinema) invented the merkin for full frontal scenes in the name of Irish modesty.
*His other invention of alcohol-free Guiness for the Total Abstinence Pioneer movement was NOT successful.
*His soundless fiddle had very limited success.
*His Orange People with the Bagwash Swami in the Six Counties drew crowds – until they discovered it was NOT about King Billy.
*He exported Peach Papadams to Leeton, but I have no other information…….
Dear The Ginger Man,
Has Dr Spook given you any indication of how long you might be ‘in there’? KJ.
September 28th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Oh boy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNcdUbVWH8E
Dear Greek and loving it,
I’ll have you know the only relatively wealthy wing of my family has just returned home SAFE after a wonderful three days in Grand Final-Gripped Melbourne.
They thoroughly enjoyed their special day at the MCG, except for the appalling result.
They report NO harrassment, NO fear on the streets, the best gelato in Australia and lovely, helpful people of ALL ages.
Shouldn’t you be preparing dinner? KJ.
September 28th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Sat up late with Barak in the West Wing watching the very latest The Wire (turns out ABC 2 is 8 years behind!) – Bill barged in half way through with a giant bucket of popcorn, and became quite embarrassing, explaining to Barak that I’m one of the smartest leaders the world has ever seen.
Still, I love those two motherf..kers anyway – they’re my very best buddies stateside.
SO positive – compared to Canberra where I just know my latest brilliant idea – the world wide wank up call – will be blocked in the Senate by that little pissant Fielding.
He’s already been on the phone demanding more details – wants to know how it will work, and will it fit in with the values of Family First?
AND Get this: He’s asking if I’ll let him go on a fact finding trip around the World to study practice in different countries – I said: Stevie babe that’s a wonderful idea, why don’t you go right now? – and take your time.
Goodnight and God Bless,
The Rev Kev.
The Rev Kev,
I don’t know how to put this….BUT someone’s got to tell you AND that bunch of hacks travelling FOR FREE with you apparently won’t so here goes….
In the interests of dignity PLEASE CALM DOWN!!!!
The truth: Australia is NOT a Superpower – do you know what Angela, Barack, Gordon et al are saying behind your back? WHO’S THAT WEIRDO FROM (I THINK NEW ZEALAND) WHO KEEPS TRYING TO GET INTO ALL THE PHOTOS?
The whole of Australia is very sad to think that YOU THINK you’ve been watching telly in the West Wing.
…….The Ginger Man, Godwin and Captain Baker await with open arms. KJ.
September 28th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Up at the crack of 5:15pm……
Came downstairs As An Act Of Courage.
Saw the post about the Little Red Baron tomato sauce.
Feel very insecure.
Back to the man-eatin’ doona.
September 28th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Okay you wankers: what’s a ‘merkin’?
And BTW, I’ve been on a children’s dinner go slow since my younger son said: mum I’m not being critical but there’s a hint of vomit taste in this Lasagne.
Dear Greek and loving it,
The PERFECT opportunity to introduce the kiddies to Two Fruits ‘n Turf……
*I’ll let The Ginger Man handle your question – at this most difficult of times, he very much needs to feel useful. KJ.
September 28th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
KJ – I think what might have buffaloed me was that Red Baron Sauce actually had a proper, city-agency-made TV advertisement. I’ll go out on a limb and say that the chorus to the jingle was ‘Red Baron Sauce (beat) Really Is Great’.
If they’d wanted me to realise it was a proper Leeton-made product, the ad should have featured Allan Wallett wandering around an industrial estate with his shirt unbuttoned to the waist. Like all the others did.
Dear Roma Street,
What a sensational come back on the local knowledge front. The jingle? I’m out of my depth on this one. Dunno.
Allan Wallet – what a guy! For those not in the know, Allan is Leeton-Griffith’s most glittering media personality and has been for decades – radio star, sports commentator, trotting race caller. I seem to remember reading a couple of years back that Allan was also in receipt of a big award for his services to Country Music.
* Back to the matter of the Little Red Baron tomato sauce – in all country towns, great things are happening but sometimes locals are the last to know. Just like in cities really: ‘There’s that old Opera House AGAIN…’
For example, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think many Leetonites would know that, at one stage, their Cannery won the BIGGEST contract for pizza base tomato sauce EVER – it was for no less than Pizza Hut. There should have been dancin’ in the streets, oh yes, there shoulda been……KJ
September 29th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Psych Ward, Canberra…….
TGM: What are these Fokkers Captain? Are they not our friends, the Dutch?
Captain Baker: No, these Fokkers are Messerschmidts. Dangerous Fokkers.
*I am dreaming…….of Bletchley, days past, I am young – I am SO darn YOUNG:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY67SBfMlSw
I am crying……
Nurse Try Do, Nurse Try Do……..
September 29th, 2009 at 9:15 am
The Ginger Man,
Oh, Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
……..I also made a lot of mistakes……
September 29th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Sidekick Warrde, Canberra.
Lord Ginge, Lord Ginge, Lord Ginge…….
Yes, Chief Monk.
I spin fra yo. I spin fra yo I spin fra yo. De Supper Puppies an Fingo. We spin fra yo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJIofU-0jC0
Thank you, Chief Monk.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:54 am
The Rev Kev,
Was the auditorium half-full or half-empty ?
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/09/29/2699203.htm
September 29th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Dear Miss KJ,
I applaud your work in developing an Australian icon – being part of the team that developed the Little Red Baron sits well on your CV.
Meanwhile I carnt help mourning the passing of another great Australian product – VEGEMITE.
R.I.P
……Recently rebranded by some smart-arsed young whipper snapper marketeer, and given a name that I’m not going to sully your blog with – except that it sounds like a cross between a sports car and an ipod – sort of nonsense name The Rev Kev would dream up, specially since he’s been brown nosing with the septics.
Keith Floyd: R.I.P
……will be rolling in his grave.
Sadly Yours,
The Old Carnt.
Dear The Old Carnt,
I SNACKED on Letona’s ‘Two Fruits ‘n Turf’ and I tell you it was the hardest days work I’ve ever done…..
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/09/28/2698635.htm
KJ.
September 29th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Dear Chadwick,
Can I just say…….I couldn’t see too clearly – there was so much love in the room, my glasses fogged up.
God Bless,
The Rev Kev.
The Rev Kev,
The Chief Monk has just been in touch. He told me to tell you: I dont wanta ever SPIN fra yo.
KJ.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Dear KerrieJean.com
I stumbled on your site while checking on another program on the RN website – hilarious!
I thought I knew everything about Australiana foodstuffs, but that fruit curry takes the cake – or chapati, or naan, or puri..
That great man’s vision should not die – I’m gonna have a crack at making it – will advise of the results…
Dear CurryLover,
Welcome! I’ve been waiting for two days for someone to say: ‘I’m gonna do Two Fruits ‘n Turf’ and here you are….
* Big tip: DO NOT put apricots anywhere near it. Stick to peaches and pears. KJ.
September 29th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
I remember the Red Baron sauce when I was little. It was the best bottle evah. It had like a yellow top or something.
Did the ad have a song about the Red Baron?
Dear Mrs T,
I’ll pass this onto Roma Street as a matter of urgency – she’s our local historian-in-residence…..and has been thinkin’, thinkin’, THINKIN’ about the exact nature of the RB jingle.
We in the Fruit Control facility had a difficult relationship with the ‘gung-ho’, smarty pants types in marketing. WE lived and breathed pure stone-fruit SCIENCE.
THEY spent their days pouring over maps of the world with little plastic fruit markers pins all over it: ‘Peaches UP in Kazakhstan, pears DOWN in Kyrgzstan, apricots STEADY in Turmenistan………bright guys but just a different way of seeing things, I guess. Have you seen ‘Mad Men’? The Letona Marketing Department was just like that WITHOUT the skyscrapers.
KJ.
September 29th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Dear Rev Kev/Uncle Poindexter,
Bet Big Bill and that hottie Barack gave you a gigantic wedgie when they found out you were from Australia, not Austria.
September 30th, 2009 at 5:02 am
Psych Hospital, Canberra…
The Chief Monk has taken command.
His Spin Psychodynamics course has drawn specialists from all over the hospital.
International experts in Metacognitive Strategies are flying in from Vienna and London (including Psychosexual Parachutists ex Bletchley Park).
An excerpt from a session:
Chief Monk: Wassadeproblem?
Dr Spook: I was a spook at the School of the Americas. I specialised in Rendition. Habbib was one of my subjects.
CM: Rendition? So yo gib us a song? Wib lotsa lubbin? Yo all need de lub. Lub yo enemas, saith de Good Booke.
DS: A different kind of Rendition.
CM: I like good song to spin to….All my Spinnin, All My Spinnin. Dat de Beatles!
Yesirreebob….True Dat!
DS: There is no Love. Only Power and Control and Physical Yearnings.
CM: Nosirreebob. De Lub is All. I xplain:
When yo spin, Yo lose de Sin. De toxins leave de Cereberum and De Hypocampus.
Yo is FREE! Others drinkin alcopoppsies, sniffin de Coke.
Us? We is Spinnin! Yo come right here, fra DE SPIN!
Look at de Super Puppies, dat Fingo de Genetic Marvelle. Dey drinkin? Dey doin de Drugs?
Nosirreebobtruedat. Dey SPINNIN.
Yo all Spin. NOW:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnunfciSr7k
To be continued…….
September 30th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Dear KJ,
Today, I’m teaching the kids a song once voted the craziest video clip ever.
Maybe it was the worst.
Anyway Star Trekkin’ Across the Universe is the song of the day.
Reminds me of this blog.
Even has a mad Scot.
Best wishes to TGM for a full recovery.
Dear M,
It’s life Megsy, but not as we know it, not as we know it…..KJ.
September 30th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Hello Missy KJ,
A thousand greetings from the People’s Republic as we fast approach the momentous 60th anniversary of our Great Revolution – I make special request to Comrade The Running Dog Rev Kev – VERY URGENT – PLEASE BRING BOTTLE OF LITTLE RED BARON to Thursday’s celebrations in Beijing.
A Great Day for All Our People. Party very concerned for People’s safety, therefore very important everybody stay home and watch TV, but the Running Rudster he must come.
He understand ’socialism with Chinese characteristics…’
And Missy KJ, please tell the Running Rev, WISE OLD CHINESE MAN ONCE SAY:
If you are in a hurry, you will never get there…..
I Remain Respectfully,
Mr FukU2
PS: Please tell The Running Rudster no need to bring brolly – we fix everything – including weather for Big Day Out. No rain on Our Parade.
Greetings Mr FukU2,
While I write, all of Leeton is frantically checking cupboards, back sheds and rusted panel vans looking for vintage Little Red Baron tomato sauce.
If found, it will be immediately flown to Beijing – courtesy of the Flying Doctor Service.
KJ.
September 30th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
The Rev Kev,
I was in China recently for a seminar on tooth whitening and the role it played in getting the Chinese economy going again after the Cultural Revolution and you know what the little fellas really took to? Cigars!
(I guess you know that already being a China specialist but perhaps some readers in here may not?…..)
Back to the staffroom fridge notice…
October 1st, 2009 at 1:55 am
My Dear Friend KJ,
On reading Tennyson’s first line: tis not to late to seek a newer world, I flushed with glee….By the time I got to: To strive, to find, and not to yield, I was weeping like TGM.
Does this mean that I have wasted, well, quite a few decades….striving, seeking …?
Please KJ, where is this Mathie-Morton, a man certainly ahead of his time?
Yours Always,
Marry Me.
Dear Marry Me,
One day you WILL meet a man who will love you deeply and offer you succour on a daily basis.
NOW, listen to me honey – that man is NOT Professor Mathie-Morton.
*Haven’t had to say this for months: repeat after me – THIS IS NOT A PICK UP SITE, THIS IS NOT A PICK UP SITE. KJ.
October 1st, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Dear Fingo and The Five Super Puppies,
You must be concerned about what your old man is going through in the psych ward in Canberra.
I heard Boo Boo talking on the phone …Well Miriam, how dreadful that the old codger put his canines through such stress … attention seeking git …
Then out came: Mimsy Darls, I will take the little waifs into my care … always rooms for one more. Laughter.
Pssssst guys, DON’T take up the offer. The info in The Crack Up Chronicles sounds very much like what it’s like at Boo Boo’s on a daily basis.
Hang in there guys. You know them there humans mean well.
Yogi.
Dear Yogi – I’ll let you into a little secret: sometimes I do NOT mean well at all. KJ.
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 am
Greek and loving it,
Your hubby might be a dill, but David Bowie is not.
Recycling good music is very popular out in Club Land.
Try it.
Hint: if you’re trying to score say SPLIFF, not ‘number’.
With Respect to All You Fossils,
Fanny.
Dear Fanny,
There are NO rock hard fossils in here – just a bunch of ’softies’ gettin’ by – LIVIN’, LOVIN’, LEARNIN! KJ.
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
Fanny,
Actually trying NOT to score.
Dear Greek and loving it,
I’ll get The Chief Monk to organise an intervention if you fall off he wagon. We all want you to be well and happy, yes we do……KJ
October 2nd, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Psych Ward, Canberra.
We are all wide awake……
The room is becoming crowded. Captain Baker and Godwin G are talking to Napoleon.
Captain Baker is insisting Nappy fasten his seat belt in case of an Emergency.
CB: The undercarriage is gone. Jerry has shot it away. Tailend Charlie the rear gunner is gone. There are Fokkers everywhere. The next Fokker will do us in. May day, may day, may day.
Napoleon: The bloody imperial eagle’s beak will strike again. France will return to glory, pageantry under L’Empereur! Vive la France!
Chief Monk: Now yo all stop dat stuff. Yo come ova here and spin de Darvish Way. Yo need de Lubbin.
TGM: More tablets all round, Nurse Try Do. One for me too. I am rather nervy.
NTD: I Try Do.
To be continued………
October 2nd, 2009 at 3:09 pm
God KJ,
Don’t you just love it when a man gets masterful?
Right now I’m thinking of Malcolm throwing down the gauntlet –
TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME.
Just thinking of Malcom getting masterful sends shivers up my spine.
But here’s the odd thing – I only have to mention Malcolm’s name and my cat hides on top of the wardrobe.
What’s that all about?
Curiously Yours,
Libby Pearls.
Dear Libby Pearls,
Great! An obviously deep thinking woman saying loud and clear: a masterful man is a wonder to behold! Problem is, there’s a lot of ‘anonymous arse lickers’ out there who refuse to come clean on this.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/10/02/2703210.htm
Get rid of your cowering cat. KJ.
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Just want to tell you slackers that I’ve finished.
Yes, while you’ve been off campus in ‘non-teaching’ breaks I have completed to deadline.
The argument?
It’s structured and sleek and I don’t even care that (just because it’s way BEFORE its time) it will sink like a small stone without a ripple.
I don’t care that it’s taken a terrible long time and that I did it as part of my crummy wage and not as part of a grant, about the smirks on your faces as you passed outside my office door.
But no more needs said because soon you be able to read it yourself. The notice I wrote about the staff room fridge is finished!
And soon the knowledge will be yours.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
Another first for kerriejean.com! The launch of a staff room notice happening right in here – in real time. I will NOT sleep until I know what that fridge notice says. My latest thought?
ALL YOU ANONYMOUS ARSE LICKERS KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY LOW-FAT TOFU CHUNKS! KJ.
October 3rd, 2009 at 9:11 am
Dear Greek and loving it,
Great. I owe you an apology. Glad to hear that you are not a DILL trying to score.
Gives me hope that the hubby might be OK as well. I’ll be watching this space …
On the wider subject of scoring, Eeels or Storm?
Fanny.
October 3rd, 2009 at 9:19 am
Dearest The Ginger Man,
I find myself in a flood of tears on reading in Part 6 of your Chronicles: I am crying.
TGM, we love you. You will NEVER be old.
Please come back to us.
KJ, THIS IS NOT A ‘PICK UP’. It is merely one human being crying for the pain of another.
It is wet and cold.
Teary,
Marry Me.
Dear Marry Me,
I suspect there is not a person in here who doesn’t feel the same about the troubles that beset out TGM. KJ.
October 3rd, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Psych Ward, Canberra.
I gotta get out this place.
Dr Spook says I am a “chancer” which I interpret as being a man who risks eliminating gas after eating chilli taco.
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Sorry, but there will be no virtual staff room fridge notice.
TGM – you keep an eye-o da wall.
The Lonely Scholar,
You CANNOT go in here and go on and on about that ARC grant (taxpayer $) you secured to frame a staff room fridge notice – and then fail to disclose the end result. You CANNOT.
My latest thought?
THE SUPER DEAN IS HOT!
KJ.
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:22 pm
KJ – what’s your position on individual fruit stickers?
Dear Greek and loving it,
UNEQUIVOCAL!
I read every ticket before purchase. For example, if an orange sticker says ‘Griffith’ I put it back and look for the ones clearly marked ‘Leeton’.
KJ.
October 4th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Mister Godman,
All mah lubbin….
I will gib ta yo,
All mah lubbin
I will spin fra yo…..
Yo SPIN NOW!
Yo spin de Darvish Way!
Yessirreebobtruedat.
……….Den yo no need,
De Spellchecke on de Hemail…
Nosirreebob, nosiree.
Godwin: I feel better now. I feel better now. Can I have a Super Puppy?
Lord Ginge: Yesirreebob true dat.
CM: Thank yo, Lord Ginge.
LG: So now there will be Four Super Puppies and one Treasury Terrier.
Final episode in ‘The Crack Up Chronicles’ to come…..
October 4th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
O beautiful day. This afternoon The Sound of Music and tonight Lost in Austen.
Dear Pandora,
Champagne programming! Millions will complete their Eels V Melbourne Storm duties and then enjoy a touch of Austen.
Note: This is an AFL site, this is an AFL site……KJ.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I looked back.
Nappy had his hand in his coat and was saluting. Captain Baker was saying:
The port engine is out and we’re all gonna die!
Nurse Try Do was weeping.
Doctor Spook was holding a bottle of Absinthe. Godwin was kissing his Treasury Terrier.
I must Look to the Future. The past is another country.
I said:
Kev the Kanga, Let’s go!
THE END….
March 18th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
I remember that little red baron sauce as if it was yesterday… and yes I did luv that sauce, and the bottle that we used to play with as planes’.
And I even remember part of the advertisement jingle… We use to buy that all the time, now I know why it disappeared of the shelves..
I have been looking all over the place (museums, actions, etc) for such a bottle, but have been unsuccessful.
I will say though that sauce wasn’t just tomato sauce, it had a distinctive flavour, and I remember that, and not long ago another sauce on the shelf, at a supermarket, has that same distinctive taste…. so I wonder..
I will still look for that bottle, as it’s a past time nostalgic piece of childhood history… If you know of one, let me know..
Dear oceania 68 – glad to hear from a TRUE FAN of the ‘Red Baron’. I too would love to have a bottle on my mantlepiece. No luck yet. KJ.