Email to:KJ’s Home Companion: Part 2 Out Now! + News
****STOP PRESS: Dr Andrew Whatham – Leeton High School alumni – IS the 2009 ‘The Einstein Factor’ Grand Champ!
In the meantime…..Hellooooooo everybody!
Can a week get any bigger than this…?
The release of Kerrie Jean’s Home Companion: Part 2 (RN YouTube link further down the page) and Leeton’s smartest export ever in the Grand Final of The Einstein Factor.
His name is Andrew Whatham – ex-Leeton High School. Tonight at 6:30pm (ABC 1) he’ll prove – for once and for all – that soaring soil salinity levels and continual crop dusting with chemicals with lots of numbers in their names does NOT affect brain power….quite the opposite!
Now though, some not so good news….
I have heard from our passion-aggressive adventurer, The Ginger Man. Our dear Lord Ginge is not well. He’s been bought low by a mystery malady involving pains and terrible fatigue. The Chief Monk and Nurse Try Do are in attendance. I think I can speak for you all in saying: Lord Ginge, God Bless you and please get better soon. We love ya, yes we do……
* Kerrie Jean’s Home Companion: Part Two.
All I can say is that life with my new manager Jim IS amazing - CRACKERJACK!
Jim’s UNSTOPPABLE!
From dawn to dusk, he’s running all over town talking to media heavies……have you heard of KJ, have you heard of KJ, HAVE YOU heard of KJ?
No, no, no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no….etc.
Well, my friend, YOU HAVE NOW!!!!!
*Jim proceeds to leave a showbag of publicity products: CD’s of KJ reading the news during the Falklands War, replicas of KJ’s Leeton High School prefect’s badge, photographs of former defactos who are now famous, empty (signed) botox syringes…AND a copy of Kerrie Jean’s Home Companion: Part Two.
If this won’t get ‘em calling back KJ, my name’s NOT Jim……
Time for you to to have a look and see whether you agree with Jim.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HttKIois070
*For those who didn’t hear THAT fateful first phone call constituting Kerrie Jean’s Home Companion Part One…….
Comments still treasured. Perhaps a little Get Well message for Lord Ginge…?
******ALL correspondents just take a deep breath and go for it!!
Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo – just ignore .
Prawn Cutlet Award
November 22nd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Esteemed KJ,
Season of looting and pillaging is over in Northern Hemisphere (other traditional activity of this time is now forbidden under Viking Code of Conduct) and I have returned over the broad back of the sea to southern latitudes.
How much my sorrow at farewelling my oar-brothers is softened when I return after many months away to Sphere of Blog to behold splendid spectacle of KJ on TubeYou.
Often in these months past in the mead-hall have I seized the harp of my fathers to sing the praises of KJ, southern goddess of the peach and apricot.
My oar-brothers demand of me: who this woman who have transfixed the heart of our kinsman and make him hot below tunic?
I answer: She of the Rice Pageant! She who banish mouse-plague!
She at whose temple fearsome Man of Ginger worship daily on his knee-guards!
Now my joy is complete!
KJ you warm the hearts of Norsemen in 2 hemispheres!
Even your pasty-faced manager have Nordic blood in veins I guess!
KJ – Thor and Odin pour down their benisons on your brow!
Mr Ragnar Hairy Beeks,
My goodness!
It may be 110-degrees in my modest premises today but I swear to God my body temp has just soared through the 120-degree mark.
There’s just something about me and STRONG men……..they only have approach within a radius of three metres……and my temp goes up a standard nine degrees.
If I get through this summer WITHOUT self-combusting, I’ll start attending Mass again…..I most surely will…..KJ.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
STOP PRESS!
Leeton High School has produced the 2009 ‘The Einstein Factor’ Grand Champion, Andrew Whatham.
Andrew, the first man in the world to insert contact lenses into Brazilian monkeys as part of his PhD research, is a terrific fella.
Asked how he felt at the end of the tight tussle he said: Very Good.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Congratulations Andrew – what a great advert for Public Education!
Knoxie 1, Knoxie 2 and Knoxie 3 did NOT get a look in…….
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:30 am
Dear KJ,
I awoke to your news about our wonderful The Ginger Man.
Nurse Try Do and The Chief Monk, I know you love Lord Ginge and will be attending him with great care.
TCM, please spin for Lord Ginge.
The Ginger Man, we all love you so much.
Fanny.
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:22 am
Hi Ya KJ,
I guess by now you’ve got your invite (via DVD!) to young Geoffrey Edelsten’s wedding to
his new squeeze from stateside Brynne Mariah Gordon.
Malcolm T will be there, along with Karl and Lisa – but to be honest, I was thinking of giving this one a miss.
I mean poor old Geoffrey…. now fast approaching 70, his hair HAS gone a lush black but reeeeeally, he’s so, you know, kind of yesterday, but then I read this highly philosophical quote from the bride to be, Brynne:
You are only as strong as the tables you dance on, the drinks you mix and the friends you roll with……
See you there, and make sure you bring that GORRRRRRGEOUS young man of yours .
Love and kisses from the wild west,
Libby Pearls.
Dear Libby Pearls,
Yes, yes, YES I’ll be there…….with my new manager Jim.
I’m one of those invited from dear Geoffrey’s memorable Sydney Swans days – in my capacity as the founder of the Warwick Capper Shorts Fan Club.
Isn’t Brynne just fab?
I attached a little fun note to my acceptance: ‘I am only as strong as the last bra that I purchased…..’
KJ.
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Dear Lord Ginge,
……..mystery malady, pains, terrible fatigue?
My sympathies.
………WHO is The Ginger Man?
Must be a teaching principal.
Oh, how I long for The Chief Monk and Nurse Try Do to look after me.
Dear, dear Megsy,
As soon as Nurse Try Do and The Chief Monk have finished ministering to Lord Ginge, we’ll have them dispatched to your place.
What a terrible time of the year for so many people – 12-months of on-going stress threatening mental capabilities, pent up anger ready to burst forth onto work colleagues and loved ones, all those New Year’s Eve dreams that came to nought, lost love, lost opportunity, the relentless decay of the ageing process….
Today, I mourn all these things – and MORE…..
Enjoy the rest of YOUR day. KJ.
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:26 pm
As the old song says: ‘I am Bewitched, Bothered And Bewildered…’
There is much going on in here KJ……
You are a great loss to investigative journalism.
Dear Chadwick,
Why, thank you….
NOW, time for you to get YOUR story straight….
If I remember correctly, last time you wrote (and I’ve checked the transcipt, spoken to my sources) you were making outrageous allegations about a woman of my age taking on brilliant manager who just happens to be a LOT younger than you and quite a bit younger than me.
BUT Mr Chadwick, I am NOT one to hold grudges so let’s just proceed in a manner (blogging) appropriate.
KJ.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:21 am
The Ginger Man – as you know – is not well but he has reported in.
He’s (obviously) awake – and sends his love.
Nurse Try Do and The Chief Monk are with him around the clock.
He dat exhorsted…..he need lotsa lubbin’ and I spinnin’ for him…TRUEBOBDAT!
Lord Ginge says he’ll be back on the road soon.
When you’re ready Lord Ginge, only when ya ready…….
In the meantime, we all know you’re a great fan of Nana Mouskouri – so here’s something to give you a little pep up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_HcIbOOkKE&feature=related
November 24th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Dear Miss KJ,
Carnt understand what’s going on in Adelaide, but I’m highly suspicious.
The Premier is using the Bill Clinton defence:
I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN.
On the other hand the waitress says: Oh yes, I did.
Just about anywhere you can think of – from that old favourite: the floor in the Premier’s office to the golf course, and quite a few places in between.
On the surface it would seem that someone’s telling porkies.
But maybe they’re not – do you think it’s possible that the waitress had sex with the premier WITHOUT THE PREMIER REALISING WHAT WAS HAPPENING?
The way Bill Clinton told it, this sort of thing can happen all the time.
Apparently – and keep this to yourself – there’s some top secret scientific research – THAT’S BEEN SUPPRESSED BY THE GOVERNMENT – suggesting that climate change is the cause of an outbreak of lewd behaviour in the city of churches.
Isn’t it about time The Rev stepped in, and cleaned up the mess?
Yours Curiously,
The Old Carnt.
Dear The Old Carnt,
I carnt agree more…..the events in Adelaide (imaginary AND real) have left me tossing and turning all night.
What lies heavy on my mind?
* WHY a former husband is still reading (and hitting the Premier over the head) with HARD copies of ‘The Adelaide News’. For God’s sake, it’s ALL online now – for FREE!
* WHETHER Ms Cantelois ever served Mr Rann king prawn cutlets in the Parliamentary Dining Room.
* WHY the electorate gets very upset when seats of Parliament are used for lovemaking. I enjoy the idea…very much indeed…….
Now, THE question: do you think it’s possible that the waitress had sex with the premier WITHOUT THE PREMIER REALISING WHAT WAS HAPPENING?
NO. I think the most likely scenario is that that both parties thought they were in Perth – NOT Adelaide. And that’s where the trouble all started…..KJ.
November 24th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Drifting back into consciousness to hear Ιωάννα singing….
I thought I was in Heaven.
Her father Con was a Bletchley agent against the Nazis.
She was born with a single vocal chord. Imagine if she had two.
Dear Lord Ginge,
You’re (nearly by the look of it) back.
THANK GOD!
KJ.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:56 am
i ♥ kerrie jean. if only she was my mum…
any chance Jim can drop me off one of those publicity show bags?
Dear DC,
Welcome!
I’d be proud to be your mum – until midday tomorrow – because you sound very nice.
I’ve just spoken to Jim. He says the KJ Show Bags are just walking out the door. I said: ‘Well, don’t forget to tell them NOT to come back…’
‘You’re a wag KJ, a real wag,’ Jim said with that funny look he gets on his face.
*One KJ showbag coming DC’s way!
KJ.
November 24th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
The Old Carnt,
Re your question:
Do you think it’s possible that the waitress had sex with the premier WITHOUT THE PREMIER REALISING WHAT WAS HAPPENING?
Entirely.
Mr Rann is a known workaholic.
Workaholics can so absorbed in the business of the day (in this case, NO less than the affairs of state) that beautiful, fleeting ‘human’ things can interupt a frantic schedule – only to be immediately relegated to the subconscious.
November 24th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Yes, good thinking Chadwick..also don’t forget that sometimes you can also just well..forget…..that you have had sex with someone.
Like the father of one of the kid in my kid’s soccer team.
I THINK I may have had sex with him in 1982 when he was known as ‘Slim the bongo player’. Intercourse or not I won’t be doing any sausage sizzles with him next season.
Dear Greek and loving it,
Ah……Slim the bongo player. I think I MAY have had intimate relations with him back in ‘79 when he was known as ‘ Chubby the pan flute player’. KJ.
November 25th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Came downstairs As An Act Of Courage…..
Saw the debate about whether consenting adults can forget who they consented with.
You must all move in very different circles to me.
Back upstairs to the man-eatin’ doona….
Dear Knuckle,
Yours is a good life – lived well. We all respect that. KJ.
November 25th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
My contribution to THE debate:
I have just finished writing a book.
Believe me if a hundred naked and painted houris had covered me with whipped cream and committed innumerable acts of physical affection while lighting a firecracker in my bottom I would have been unaware and would just have kept on writing.
Dear The Dude,
Ladies and gentlemen, members of the jury…..my name is Kerrie Jean and I’d like to speak for the NEGATIVE. The Dude’s comments are outlandish, fanciful….he is a pretender who comes into this place……and sullies all reason…..KJ.
November 25th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
They’re interesting circles indeed……….
I’m getting a bit of culture shock…….
It’s lovely to see how active everyone is here, I’m sure I’ve got a lot to learn. Just flicking back through your collective oeuvre is going to take me days. The Ginger Man? – perhaps years.
I feel rude for not having dropped by yet, so this is me touching base and introducing myself.
For the record, I’m NO man’s middle manager. Think agent, spruiker, entrepreneur.
Red pinstripes, straw hats and fast talk. If TGM needs someone out the front of his new circus, let me know.
Thanks to those supporting the new direction, and apologies to those who are put out. I won’t rock the boat, but the times are, nonetheless, a-changin’.
They’re known for doing that actually. Somebody even wrote a song about it.
By the way KJ, are there any other ex-managers/potentially deranged associates I should be aware of?
On a separate but related note, pick up the phone. For someone so motivated you are indescribably hard to reach.
Conversations won’t have themselves, even though I asked them nicely.
Yo Jim!
Great, great GREAT…!
You’re right….Everything’s great……EVERYONE’S great in kerriejean.com….it’s a great big punchbowl of lovin’!
Now Jim, THAT question: Are there any people from my past that a manager should be aware of?
Let me put it this way (baby..) – I have a great interest in politics and I’ve often thought I’d like to DO SOMETHING….like snatch back the seat of Riverina from the crazeeeee Nats.
HOWEVER Jim……and how shall I put this?…..I don’t think it would be in anyone’s best interest to have The Telegraph rake through KJ’s wheelie bin or knickers drawer.
We don’t need headlines like SHE ONLY EATS LEAN CUISINE……do we Jim, do we…?
So Jim – I’ll ring when I’m ready.
In the meantime – and I’ve never said this to anybody EVER -I THINK I MAY BE ABLE TO WORK WITH YOU.
Ciou, KJ.
November 26th, 2009 at 7:16 am
……’I think I MAY have had intimate relations with him back in ‘79 when he was known as ‘ Chubby the pan flute player…….’
MAY have…MAY have!!?? OMG, I suppose this means that you don’t remember ‘our song’ either.
Needless to say, this is devastating news……….
Dear Chubby The Pan Flute Player,
Rest assured I DO remember ‘our song’ – but NOTHING else.
Specifically, I remember collapsing into Gwennie’s arms, weeping…….’Chubby The Pan Flute Player’ has sent me this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCdm6Tw8EeU
* Gwennie had a look. ‘THAT is the seventh AND LAST Pan Flute Player you’ll ever bring into my house again KJ, I swear to God it is……KJ.
November 26th, 2009 at 11:11 am
To quote Jim….For the record, I’m NO man’s middle-manager. Think agent, spruiker, entrepreneur….
Does your official position, Sir, have a part-numerical, part-acronymic designation?
Does a large public sector superannuation fund have your name on its official roll
of members?
Is your official daily attendance 7 hours and 36 minutes in duration?
Why Roma Street…..are you alleging that my Jim is merely a time server?
Quite the opposite!
He’s been working long hours for very basic rates.
BUT – in the interests of transparency – I will tell you this. When I signed Jim on, I got the baby bonus….KJ.
November 26th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
KJ.
Nana Mouskouri looks as if she’s swallowed a prune seed and that pan flute number is just about the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
I’m sure Chubby would agree.
This is supposed to be a MODERATED site. Are you trying to get rid of us to be alone with Jim?
Dear Greek and loving it,
As we all know Lord Ginge is crazy about Nana – he’s still not well so on behalf of all of us, I offered up Nana as a special ‘pick-me-up’. Is that such a bad thing?
I put THAT pan flute number (It Must Have Been Love But It’s Over Now…..) because it means somewhere in that failed state of a country we called THE PAST. It meant a lot to me and Chubby, albeit for very different reasons. Is that such a bad thing.
*By the way, any self-respecting Greek gal who does NOT love and admire Nana M is out of touch with her culture, her optometrist and ultimately, herself……..KJ.
November 26th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Dear (is it Prof?) Dude,
It is so nice to have a REAL writer in here.
I had guessed that this was ‘the caper’ (as KJ would say!) six months ago but was too shy to suggest it outright.
Just quietly, could I ask what your book is about?
Your comments about dedication to the craft are to be commended.
November 26th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Has anyone here had any success with the defrost setting on their microwave?
Dear Greek and loving it,
I just bung frozen Lean Cuisines in on high ’til I hear lots of pop, pop, POP noises. I open the door and stand back with a tea towel over my face – and take it from there. Bon appetit! KJ.
November 26th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
It’s about weightlessness.
November 26th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Dear Greek and loving it,
I find my microwave defrost facility can turn a glacier into Yallourn brown coal in a nanosecond.
I know that dinner is ready when flames leap towards the ceiling.
I’m thinking of entering my microwave into Iron Chef.
As for your comments about Nana M, SHAME on you girl. We’re talking about a beautiful woman from Crete, daughter of a patriot – NOT someone at a Big Fat Greek Wedding trying to sing ‘The Hidden Beach’ while smashing plates with her elbows.
The fact that the men of the world adore Nana makes some Greek women want to stamp on her glasses or steal them.
I hope that the above words do not affect our deep and tender relationship.
Dear The Dude,
Well said! Your words carried much weightlessness….. KJ.
November 27th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Mister Ternbill……for yo….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJXhlyQE4uA&feature=related
Yo slippin patins not good Mister Ternbill. Yo must be exhoorsted. Yo lookin happy but dyin’ on de inside? I spinnin’ for yo -
Yessireetruebobdat.
*Lord Ginge still exhoorsted too. I worried bout Lord Ginge.
November 27th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Humph. Gee it’s hot.
Dear Greek and loving it,
That’s the most sensible comment you’ve made all week! KJ.
November 28th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I am Under the Table Top Man reporting on the National Lavvie Crisis.
For my research I have had to adopt a new role, Under The Lav Top Man.
I gained my credentials at the Leeton Public Lav, which was opened after a two-hour public political ceremony (and Episcopal blessing) by a Liberal-National Group known as The Lav Liberals.
They are split into two groups:
Lav Top UP and Lav Top DOWN.
My undercover research shows that there are seven Lav Top Uppers in the Liberal Loo in Canberra.
LTUs believe the loo should be flushed perhaps once a week. The results can be left as a Gift for Mummy or gastroenterological research on Parliamentary Diet.
Malcolm Turnbull is a brave LTU.
LTDs, however, believe that there is a connection between Loos and Original Sin.
Was there a Loo in the Garden of Eden?
No. But there is a Jesuitical answer. Top down and push the button. All gone. Absolve te ! Gone are a dead dog, a half-eaten pie, electoral promises, the Emissions Trading Scheme bill, an Opposition Leader and the occasional mistress or email adviser.
All gone, top down, so we can MOVE ON.
The balance of power may lie with another group, the Uppers and Downers.
Alexander Downer was a Downer who became an Upper.
I am watching the Parliamentary Liberal Lav Seats very closely as the future of our Planet hangs in the balance.
Are we going UP, or are we going DOWN?
Then again, the pee anywhere men who lack all ethics and have never read a book in a loo, may decide the day.
Under The Table Top Man reporting for kerriejean.com