Email to:The Phone Call That Changed My Life: Hear It Now!
KERRIE JEAN’S HOME COMPANION: PART ONE
Gosh!
AMAZING what can happen when you’re quietly going about your business – NOT exactly setting the world on fire but then again, NOT being consciously malicious by grabbing some poor idiot’s job, PIN, passport or boyfriend………..
Let me put it like this: I am a victimless crime and that is enough for me………
Or so I thought……
Because, on Friday, at my desk……Ring, ring, ring.
I NEVER pick-up because nine times outta ten it’s someone with a story idea or a family member reminding me that Christmas is on the 25th of December and I’d better tell them RIGHT now: SEAFOOD or TRADITIONAL……
This time though (paralysed with boredom) I did answer.
Silly me. Or a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?
YOU BE THE JUDGE…..
WOW!
Talk about cool and collected. BUT three minutes later, I was straight back to Jim.
Meet me now, meet me now, now, now, NOW. Just so I know I’m NOT dreaming……..
Below, enlarged pictorial evidence of me and Jim at the coffee shop. I impressed Jim enormously and Jim, I suspect, left feeling on top of the world.
Oh Boy – from victimless crime to me, me, ME crime spree – all in the space of 45 glorious minutes!
(credit: Tracey Trompf)
SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE SONY SHOP?
SEE IT, HEAR IT, FEEL IT…………..
KERRIE JEAN’S HOME COMPANION – Part TWO – coming to this site soon!
(Producer: Eurydice Aroney & James Shepherd)
*********************************************
Well, well, well…..it’s NOT all about ME, ya know. Still, to tell ya the truth, I’m very nervy about the whole thingo. Feel like a struggling business with a big sign out the front: UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT. Any advice? No need to go overboard, really there’s NO need for that.
ON the subject of YOU, please report in and take the pressure of ME. How are ya all? I’m hoping for ’safe and well’ but until you report in, who knows? I certainly don’t and neither does the world……
THE GINGER MAN
Just what to report first……?
Lord Ginge – who’s NOT under new management – has, what we say in the business, spilled over.
He’s still in Leeton with Peter O’Toole trying to make a film. Working title:
The Cleft Stick Man Versus Planet Of The Apes Living Dead and Z-Man The Zombie.
Last night, Lord Ginge cemented his Passion-Aggressive Aventurer credentials when he - NO suprises here - smashed the world record for the most storytelling blog posts over two hours. I ask you: Has anyone ever seen the likes of it!?
For folks new to kerriejean.com The Ginger Man (ex-Trinity College, ex- Bletchley Park) always operates out of our comments section.
Trust me – in all of my years in the business - I’ve never come across anything remotely like it.
Think human telex machine mixed with the life experiences of General Peter Cosgrove and Elizabeth Taylor combined.
******ALL correspondents just take a deep breath and go for it!!
Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo – just ignore .
Prawn Cutlet Award
November 16th, 2009 at 8:27 am
‘Kerrie Jean’s Home Companion’:
High Distinction.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
I know we haven’t always agreed on EVERYTHING so thank you. Just between you and me, I haven’t felt as jumpy as this since reading the news on the hour/EVERY hour during the Falklands War. KJ.
November 16th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Can this week get any bigger?
News filed late last night from local knowledge guru, Roma Street. (I’ve re-posted it just so EVERYONE knows).
Hey KJ – a proud day for the Leeton diaspora today, as one of our own, Mr Andrew Whatham (son of former LHS principal Don) is into the grand final of The Einstein Factor.
Dear Roma Street,
I saw the ep but had NO idea Andrew Whatham (speciality topic: The Life Of Wilhelm Canaris) was one of our own.
According to The Einstein Factor’s site, Andrew is a leader in his chosen field:
‘Andrew is a vision scientist from Lindfield in NSW who learnt how to fit Brazilian monkeys with contact lenses while completing his PhD…..’
*I also had absolutely NO idea Brazilian monkeys with sight probs were being fitted with contact lenses. Good idea for fellas doing a lot of swingin’ from tree tops.
Join the campaign!
Support monkey contact lens pioneer, Dr Andrew Whatham, from Leeton, NSW, as he competes in ‘The Einstein Factor’ Grand Final next Sunday, ABC 1, 6:30pm.
Roma Street, did you go to school with Andrew?
KJ.
November 16th, 2009 at 8:33 am
KJ – No, I didn’t go to school with A. Whatham. I’m old enough to be his…..aaahh….erm…..older cousin.
In fact, I don’t think he had even started at LHS when I finished up, although he was seen around the place a bit because his dad was the boss cocky.
One of his sisters was exceedingly good looking.
Dear Roma Street,
How would this be for a dream ‘The Irrigator’ headline?
Einstein Champion AND Miss Universe: Leeton Cleans Up!
KJ.
November 16th, 2009 at 8:55 am
ON LOCATION: Leeton, New South Wales.
*This ep in honour of Dr Andrew Waltham, Einstein Factor grand finalist, son-of-Leeton and Brazilian monkey contact lense fitter pioneer.
I think we have to AMEND THE TITLE.
It is obvious that the Aliens have Superior Vision because they are from an Advanced Technology.
Should it be: The Cleft Stick Man versus Planet of the Superior Contact Lens Apes Living Dead and Z-Man The Superior Vision Zombie?
Captain Baker: Could we put grit in their Contact Solutions?
Try Do: I Try Do.
TGM: Offer them a living human sacrifice? Godwin?
Godwin Grech: I have not been well.
TGM: We have one big problem, Houston. NO SCRIPT.
Joe Hockey Cleft Stick: We must stay focused. Now we know that Zed Man and the Super Vision Monkeys come from a Waterless Planet.
TGM: Another title change? Should it be:
The Cleft Stick Man versus Waterless Planet of the Superior Contact Lens Apes Living Dead and Z-Man The Superior Vision Zombie who has the Answer to Climate Change and Emission Control…?
Godwin Grech: Forgive me, I think I just had an Emission. It must be those Leeton baked beans.
TGM: We must stay calm. Now we know we have a cast bigger than Ben Hur. Devoted Leetonians are now walking the streets going EEEEE and ERRRR. The locals are talent waiting to burst on the screen once we have (a) film (b) camera and (c) script.
O’Toole: We have plenty of Absinthe and a Mayor who is Hollywood First Stop.
TGM: He’s asleep in that corner of the Cleft Stick Climate Change Film Productions Trailer. Wake him up.
MOST CERTAINLY, TO BE CONTINUED…….!
November 16th, 2009 at 10:47 am
You Leetonians certainly think outside the square….
Good luck to monkey contact lens genius, Dr Waltham, in ‘The Einstein Factor’ showdown.
Re your new manager, go for it!
Afterall, you’ve got nothing to lose.
Dear The Dude,
Thanks for the advice. I think you’re right. I really wish I had REAL runs on the board like Dr Waltham. KJ.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
And the Waiter said:
Your Mum must be very proud of you…
November 16th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
The Rev Kev,
As part of your Democratic Kevolution, are you planning to adopt the Chilean Model and give every politician TWO SECONDS to espouse their views on Climate Change and Emissions Control?
This would amount to (set your stop watch)
….I do agree with Emissions Control.
or
…I totally disagree with Emissions Control.
Here is the Model:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/11/14/2742829.htm
November 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
ON LOCATION: LEETON, New South Wales.
Mayor: I AM ZED MAN LEADER OF THE DALEK APES ZOMBIE KILLERS OF THE UNIVERSE.
TGM: Let him go back to sleep.
O’Toole: Well, we could have a Scriptless Film. That would be Marvellous.
TGM: Simply Bloody Marvellous……
O’Toole: Could not have put it better.
TGM: There is so much Writing Talent on KJ’s blog. Would people like to have a go at an excerpt of an episode? Noble Greeks In The Thermopylae Tradition Turn Back the Aliens?
An Australian Girl Captures the Heart of Zed Man with Her Academic Ability?
The Rev Kev Takes His Kevolution to the Stars?
Captain Baker: I’ve got a line for the Script.
TGM: Give it to us…
Captain Baker: Leeton Girl: You know Mister Monkey you don’t look too bad. And those contacts make you look HOT, HOT, HOT.
To be continued.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
kerriejean….lovin’ u new botfriendo!!! tat x
November 16th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
BOYFRIEND!!!
Dear Tatjana,
I must appeal for restraint. Please do NOT scare off my manager. I’ve been through 15 over the last 10 years. I am hoping that this time will be different…..KJ.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Hi KJ,
Can I just say….?
The Rev Kev is fully, 100% behind your makeover.
And how nice to see you working with a member of the younger generation.
Looks a little like a certain type of young Lib, but, you know what?
Nothing wrong with that – I spend a lotta time these days appointing Libs (ok, mostly old Libs) to plum jobs,
and I’m sorry, but I make no apology for that.
In fact, sorry, but I make no apology for saying sorry.
Personally I’m constantly having makeovers cos, as you know, there never was
one The Rev Kev – but many, many – and that’s why I think the people love me so much
cos there are diffferent Kevs for different folk .
All this was only reinforced when T and I watched Miss Austen Regrets on Your ABC last night, when Jane was trying to make her young niece understand that Mr Darcys don’t just turn up, as in some chick flick, no, no, no – Mr Darcy doesn’t really exist, so you have to invent him yourself.
And so it is with your Rev Kev.
Great to be home and God Bless Australia.
Dear The Rev Kev,
Just between you and me if I had one dollar for every Mr Darcy I’ve ever invented I’d be a very wealthy woman.
Enjoy your time in Australia. KJ.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I have listened to that hilarious phone call, and now it is doing my head in.
1/ I can’t work out if it was real or some sort of elaborate hoax.
2/ If real, how and why did you record it?
3/ What is a person born in 1989 doing working as a ‘manager’ anywhere other than in a fast food outlet? Are today’s young people so pampered that they do their work experience in middle management?
4/ Where does this dude get off anyway, lecturing a lady of more mature years about how to go about things? If he’s such a hot shot manager, why can’t he manage to purchase a hat that fits his melon, instead of merely perching atop it?
Dear Roma Street,
I will answer your questions as posed…..
1/ Real.
2/ You know how when you call the Gas Board or what not you get a message saying ‘this call may be recorded and will only be used for training purposes….?’ A friend secretly arranged to have this call recorded. She then insisted I listen back for personal training purposes.
3/ Mark Scott is on work experience.
4/ I don’t know.
KJ.
November 17th, 2009 at 9:00 am
ON LOCATION: LEETON, New South Wales.
Perhaps Zed Man The Musical?
It’s High Society Leeton without Bing and Frank.
Have you heard,
It’s in the Stars…….
is Zed Man here from Mars?
Well did you ever…?
What a swell party this is…
O’Toole: Sponsored by Absinthe.
To be continued.
November 17th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Dear Miss KJ,
You naughty girl.
Where did you get that boy?
He’s ABSOLUTELY GOOOOOOORRGEOUS!
And I must say the sexiest thing that’s happened at Radio National
since Robin Williams interviewed Shere Hite in 1977.
(Incidentally, is it true that at 78 Robin’s the youngest male at RN, followed by
Phillip Adams who’s 101?).
Jolly good work.
Young Mark Scott’s new broom seems to be working.
Looking forward to seeing much more of your young man soon.
Love and Kisses from the Wild West,
Libby Pearls.
Dear Miss Pearls,
Yes, my new manager is really causing quite a stir!
Next, he’ll be presenting ‘The Spirit Of Things’.
*Everybody at Radio National is aged between 78-101. KJ.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
You can’t stop the Kevolution
You can’t stop the Kevolution
You can’t stop the Kevolution
You can’t stop the Kevolution.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Have you ever UNFRIENDED someone?
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/11/17/2744734.htm
Dear Chadwick,
I am in no position to UNFRIEND. KJ.
November 17th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
‘I drink when I’m happy and when I’m sad.
Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone.
When I have company I consider it obligatory.
I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am.
Otherwise I never touch it – unless I’m thristy…’
Madam Lily Bollinger, London Daily Mail, 17th October 1961.
November 17th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Whatever happened to Lily? Big Lebowski?
November 17th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LILY…
Whatever happened to Lily?
Perhaps she passed her time,
(Some said she was a bit silly)
Others said she was too easy,
She was far too easy to rhyme.
November 17th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Lily Marlene
Was used
To Pain.
November 17th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
ON LOCATION; Leeton, New South Wales.
Script Rewrite Suggestion:
Two Irishmen are writing a script about an Alien Invasion…..
Strangely enough they feel alienated – from the town, from its people, from the environment, from each other.
Suddenly, it’s a case of ‘worst case of Writer’s Block I ever saw…’
They sit up all night watching Ireland and Australia draw 20-all in the Rugby.
Can they introduce a sports factor into the story?
…..Leetonians Teach Zed Man and his Contact Lens Superior Vision Naked Alien Apes to Give Up Conquering Planets and Play Footy?
They decide to have a drink and a think.
To be continued.
November 17th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
BOTFRIENDO
* In honour of new poster Botgirl, Tatjana Pentez.
(Translated from the Italian)
Botfriendo, let the violas play,
As sprinkled water falls upon
The marbled fountain where
We play,
Botfriendo, Botfriendo…
Come pour the vino, feed the doves,
Where are you now Botfriendo?
Beneath the starry skies,
Where soft guitars do play
I call your youthful name….
And then I cry, at fifty years,
It is so hard to say goodbye……
Botfriendo!
November 17th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Sport is good.
Now KJ about your new bloke…
A real brainiac, for sure. Know the type. Gets you all excited and then no butter in the pan.
What’s happening here? Funerals and weddings, a giant rat, and I’m reading my way through the Russians all the way to China.
Greek and loving it,
It’s very unlike you to be negative. To tell you the truth, I find it a bit hurtful.
I have the best manager in the world who is going to make sure that, in retirement, I will have funds to enjoy the good things in life like perpetual king prawn cutlets.
Re the rat. A big wack with a hardback copy of ‘War And Peace’ should do the job. KJ.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
*Sigh*
She always had a soft spot for the youngsters.
Well, when you’ve finished playing with the kindergarten KJ, let me know.
I’ll be down behind the shelter shed.
BS.
Big Swifty,
Yeah, we had some good times together, yeah we did a couple of tracks, yeah you talked big…..and then proceeded to act real small….PARTICULARLY when you took all of my money (and the Tarago) and fled to Melbourne.
Now baby, I gotta a second chance…..and I ain’t gonna let go of it until I’m covered in diamonds.
I don’t wanna hear from you no more Mr Swifty.
* Little muffled sob. Could someone pass me a hankie, please? KJ.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:57 am
ON LOCATION: Leeton, New South Wales
O’Toole: You know Lord Ginge, a Trailer Without a Movie is a grand idea, a marvellous notion. Marvellous, simply Bloody Marvellous.
TGM: What could it become?
O’Toole: A Circus?
TGM: Yes. The Flying Lady Bug Cirque de Soleil.
O’Toole: Let’s get Cracking. Round up the Gang.
To be continued.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
ON LOCATION: LEETON, New South Wales
Once again we are in the Planning Stage.
Drink and think.
Think and drink……
I have called in Knoxie, Knoxie Knoxie, and Knoxie Knoxie Knoxie — the Knoxie Brothers – to assist.
They should be good on the High Wire above a Flaming Pit because they all believe in Leadership From The Top.
To be continued.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
ON LOCATION: LEETON, New South Wales.
Knoxie I says it should be Cirque du Soleil, but the others, products of Knox Grammar, have mispelled it Circumcision due Soleil.
To be continued….
November 19th, 2009 at 3:41 am
KJ, Amore….or so was one time ago…………..
I return Sicily.
First ting, Emmanuel who run off with my girlfriend, he RING!! RING!!
Fabio, SHE just like Felicia…..
Who Emmanuel? Settle man, Settle!
That KJ you talk, talk, … picture with boyfriend … wake up man….SHE OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOTHER….
I look at picture and nothing change in my big heart.
Still en always,
Fabio.
Dear Fabio,
DO NOT trust a word this Emmanuel says. He is a dangerous man. KJ.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Ginger boy, so close to the mark, but yet….ex-stasi?
And can someone please tell KJ that, according to the duly notarized Guild of Legendary Rock Producers Licensing Agreement, 25% of all gross earnings are owned by Big Swifty Productions.
In perpetuity.
Diamonds included.
BS.
Big Swifty,
You gotta let me go…..you just gotta.
Someone said you’re back workin’ with the circus. Lord Ginge and Mr O’Toole are launching their own ‘Cirque Circumcision due Soleil’ soon. Something for you there….?
You gotta let me go……
Sob, sob……hankie again, please…. KJ.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Big Swifty,
At least you’ve had the guts to say something about this travesty.
The truth is everyone else in here has decided to avert their eyes in the name of keeping the peace.
Not since Woody and stepdaughter have we had such embarrassment.
Come back Big Swifty!
Chadwick,
So a woman of a certain age does nothing more than seek to better herself – and THIS is what she gets?
Shame on you! SHAME! KJ.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I wish I could, but I have elephants to attend to….
I know we’ve had stern words BUT please be careful, PLEASE be careful……(hankie…again…..please…) KJ.
November 19th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
ON LOCATION: LEETON, New South Wales.
TGM: If we have a Circus, then we need sideshows with, er, Unusual People.
O’Toole: You mean Freaks?
TGM: Never use that word. Unusual People.
O’Toole: Such as….?
TGM: Machine Woman.
O’Toole: Who is where?
TGM: Right here, at:
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/sex-relationships/michelle-thompson-who-has-persistent-sexual-arousal-syndrome-finds-man-who-satisfies-her/story-e6frf01i-1225797973089
To be continued….
November 20th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
How fascinating!
I was not expecting (even with my long experience in the academy) that a group of mature semi-intellectual ABC Radio National male bloggers could be unnerved so easily.
It’s a bit like what happened in the faculty last year.
A younger male came on staff (promoted immediately to ASPRO I will admit) and the older men were at each other like tightly leashed pit bull terriers.
Social media male members of this community, some dignity and respect for KJ please!
Remember your strengths – Chinese and Latin speakers, poets of note, musically and theatrically experienced and each one of you- acutely aware of the latest research developments in prostate research.
Look at what you have to offer James!
Just because he is gorgeous (and incredibly intelligent by the sound of him) he still has a lot to learn – from all of us here.
Think how our KJ might soar to with his extra career support (she can make a heavy breast of things sometimes).
It could just be that I am more acclimatised to inter-generational partnerships but I am very comfortable with any fiddling he wants to do here.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
We don’t always agree BUT this time we do, we most certainly do….!
* I didn’t have any brothers: only four sisters. So, I even came late to inter-gender relationships. I’m feeling pretty nervy about the whole thing. YEAH SURE! KJ.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Hey Big Swifty an elephant?
November 20th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
No, dear, elephant-s
Imagine away…
BS