Email to:Jessica Watson Is NOT The Only Girl With A Dream!
Please do not read too much into what I’m about to tell you…..
Remember: ‘I was not a hero but just an ordinary girl who had a dream.’
And in 1974, the authorities at Leeton High School mandated that my dream could come true – but only if The Riverina’s Youngest Female Eunuch With The Most Potential moved fast – and only if Gwennie (mum) was up for it.
The historic mandate?
That female HSC aspirants could finally - if it did NOT go against their or their boyfriends’ religious or moral codes - wear pants.
(KJ had a pants dream: Cr: cynstrom: flickr)
There was much to plan after the Pants Mandate came down. Intense lobbying started that very afternoon.
[KJ to Gwennie] I wanna be the first! I gotta be the first girl to wear pants to school.
[Gwennie] Why?
[KJ] Because I am going nowhere as a sex object but here’s my chance to shut up (names particularly bitchy types) when I come out loud and proud as Leeton’s trailblazing Female Eunuch….
As Jessica Watson knows, a dream is worth nought if you don’t have loved ones willing to share it - EVEN ready and willing to see you die in pursuit of it.
And Gwennie knew her Young Female Eunuch With The Most Potential risked everything in the pursuit of her Pants Dream. But no matter.
Within the hour, Gwennie had relieved the Mates Emporium of 2.8 yards of 45 inch-wide regulation Leeton High School viscose/acrylic black and white check material, one black six-inch zipper, two black buttons and a pattern for (fetching) size 10 City Skyline Lounge Pants. Pants that were in the ’high degree of difficulty’ Simplicity Patterns’ ’Sophisticates’ collection.
All through the night, Gwennie laboured over the City Skyline Lounge Pants. She and her ’Singer’ had a date with history. And she and her ‘Singer’ would keep it.
The morning dawned clear and frosty….
Perfect conditions for The Eunuch to enter the gates of LHS after which great things would unfold….
Surely the principal would demand a photographer from ‘The Irrigator’ come down immediately, surely over-excited students of both sexes would try to feel, (okay grope) The Eunuch’s City Skyline Lounge Pants, surely for matters of personal safety The Eunuch would be sent home until things calmed down.
This is what happened.
As usual, Gwennie waved me off at around 8:30am. Not before observing though that the City Skyline Lounge Pants were a bit tight in ‘THE crotch region’ but that could ‘POSSIBLY be fixed’.
She also observed that black and white checks could be ‘overpowering’ and ‘better suited to skirts’.
Her final observation?
Gee KJ, you look like a big DJ’s parcel. Good luck!
At school, nothing much happened………
Just a steady stream of those particularly bitchy types confirming that the City Skyline Lounge Pants were a bit tight ‘across the front’, they’d be getting their’s made in Wagga Wagga…..or they were not gunna wear pants ’cause Rodney and Jezza were dead against ‘em.
*I got one good season out of the historic City Skyline Lounge Pants. The tight crotch problem disappeared – under a size 22 black jumper.
The Riverina Eunuch With The Most Potential had gone feral.
************************************************
Oh dear, FIZZERS…….aren’t they awful? I might as well confess – there’s a part of me that wants Jessica W to break down and admit she did pop into a spice market – or somesuch - on Cape Horn. That she did have have a night in a disco in Barbados or wherever…….
Go on, be honest. TELL ME you haven’t had the same thoughts (as unpalatable as they are).
So, if you’ve got any landmark personal FIZZERS – or sigh, dreams - you’d like to tell the world about, go ahead. NOT for therapeutic purposes mind - just so everyone can marvel at your stupidity.
And – as always - reports from your patch are most welcome. Or let me put it this way - management says they are integral to the sucess of this whole undertaking!
All posters take a deep breath…and just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.
Prawn Cutlet Award
May 17th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
I quite like women in pants.
Dear The Dude,
Australia has noted. KJ.
May 17th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
And I quite like men in pants.
Dear Australia,
I quite like men in pants WITH matching coats with lots of regalia on the sleeves.
Sure fire favourites: RAN dress uniform, ‘Woolworths The Fresh Food People’ supervisors’ outfits and the OLD New South Wales firemen’s get up: heavy dark blue wool coat and pants, 15 kilogram black boots, helmet.
I cannot tell you how much I despair at emergency services uniforms of a contemporary nature. Fluoro is for fly zappers in fast food outlets, if that…..KJ.
May 17th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Jessica, as a young woman of even a more tender age than my students, it’s awful to think of you so alone on those terrible dark nights, with only fat waves and a far away million dollars for company.
I’ve heard you’ve got a very good team but I wonder if the words ‘displacement activity’ means anything at all to it?
At the peak of my career – still riding the wave of success – I would be honored to think that I could contribute to your future like I’ve done for so many others.
My office is on the fifth floor just next to the student lounge. I’m sure you’ll find it….
It’s become a kind of meeting spot- for International post-grads in particular…..
Lara and Priyanka are always ‘just popping in’ to tell me about their latest projects, looking for ideas and contacts. So too Nicolas and Adam ‘just popping in’, looking for Lara and Priyanka.
My office resembles a kind of student roundabout…..
The Jimi Hendrix poster I Blu-Tacked over the narrow glass petition next to the door has only made things worse. But it would be different if you were here……
I’ll have cup of tea waiting.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
Before you put any arrangements in place, you’d better ask that Super Dean of yours whether he has a spare $700,000 for you to facilitate a ‘displacement activity’ session with Miss Jessica. It’s a great idea.
By the way, do you wear pants? KJ.
May 17th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Before going on a long bus trip to play footy against another school, I read in a book that Japanese women were told late in the War to prevent rape by the invader by wearing their pants back to front.
I stood up and told the whole bus.
The teacher-coach was purple in the face.
I don’t think I knew what rape was.
May 18th, 2010 at 7:13 am
Leeton – no longer a sleepy town – is getting with it.
It it the new Techno Town?
When will it have its first Wedding by Robot?
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/05/17/2901781.htm
KJ, would you like a Robot Bridesmaid?
The Nation awaits your reply.
Dear The Dude,
Thank you. No, I want a blow up bridesmaid. I abhor the dehumanising effect of technology. KJ.
May 18th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
I’m writing to you from a prepared script but Jeez Kez I have to put up with some crap…..
As you know I like to say what I think. Shoot first, ask questions later. What you see is what you get.
THEN I have to your namesake on the 7.30 Report trying to trick me – quickly followed by the woman with a different hair do every night – she who would be queen – saying there are two Tonies – Holy Tony and Phoney Tony.
Let’s just cut the crap here Kez and address the Elephant In The Room……
Everyone knows all pollies tell porkies. Goes with the territory…..
The trick is knowing when the pollie is being economical with the truth (to use a phrase The Rev Kev would just love).
I’ll let you into a little secret – when I tell a whopper my ears get bigger!
Funny thing the human body.
Yours,
Still telling it like it is,
Tony Six Pack.
Dear Mr Six Pack,
My goodness though, IT did make for wonderful television – a cross between Crime Scene and Air Crash Investigation.
To tell you the truth, I quite like men (in pants) and with big ears. I think it’s a sign of ‘I’m listening’ and ‘I hear what you say.’
In the meantime, I think all politicians should have a look at this. Here is an honest man with a good product to sell. He’s very comfortable with THE TRUTH and it shows, even though he’s reading from a prepared script.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdacvI0uRMU&feature=related
KJ.
May 18th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Like W.C Fields in Philadelphia, I was in Leeton one night for a week.
Dear Chadwick,
If you’re looking for a ‘hate site’, please go elsewhere.
*Just like W.C, I went to Wagga Wagga last week and it was closed.
KJ.
May 18th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
When my mum attended her one and only Cooma CWA meeting on arrival in that fair town in the early 60s, the topic under discussion was what form of moral protest they would take over the fact that women’s pants now reputedly were allowed to have zippers in the FRONT instead of at the side.
I still prefer a side zip m’self. That’s the kind of girl I am.
My burning question of course is WHERE was the six-inch zip in the City Skyline Lounge Pant located?
Dear howtoshuckanoyster,
Welcome!
The six-inch zip in the aforementioned garment was of a front configuration.
Though I should mention that as winter progressed and The Female Eunuch ate more and more Violet Crumble Bars to ward off frustration and bitter thoughts, she decommissioned the zipper. So, under the size 22 jumper, there was a gaping configuration.
May I add? I’ve always found side zippers, difficult. If pants are a little tight, side configurations upset the ‘natural balance’ of flab. And may I also say? I absolutely loathed the trend of the early Third Millenium to have zippers in the BACK of pants. ALL attempts at flab control rendered useless…..
KJ.
May 19th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Came downstairs as an Act Of Courage.
Fought my way through the crowds and bought a pie.
Enjoyed it very much. Might do it again some day.
Back upstairs to the pie-eatin’ doona.
Dear The Knuckle,
What a blissful day, you high achiever, you…….KJ.
May 20th, 2010 at 6:46 am
Dear Miss KJ,
I stopped using zippers after an unfortunate incident in a public urinal in Paris in 68.
Call me old-fashioned – and yes, buttons may be slower – but they’re much more fun – as long as you concentrate on what you’re doing.
The Old Carnt.
Dear The Old Carnt,
There is much in what you say…..
However, it is NOT by accident that zippers are said to have ‘teeth’.
KJ.
May 20th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Hi KJ,
Is this blog a safe place to leak?
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
You are the only person in here at present. Go ahead. KJ.
May 20th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
This is how my husband dances. Really.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jMBYx76txU&feature=related
Dear Greek and loving it,
So….your husband dances very well…..
Two things though…….I could NOT discern a zipper in that very tactile gent’s trousers…..
But, I could discern a cumabund. (I am crazy about men sporting cumabunds)
So, does your husband (a) have zippers in his trousers and (b) does he wear cumabunds? KJ.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
First I was alcoholic,
In Greece became Doric,
In Mexico discovered folkloric,
In Sydney chocaholic,
In Leeton?
Very, very bucolic.
May 20th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
As part of my recruitment campaign for the Swingers’ Battalion, I have decided to start a Male Confidence Booster programme in Leeton.
I mean, how can I begin an Officer Corps with people who have such low self esteem?
This is one of the videos I am using:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXJhSgvbn_Q&NR=1
May 21st, 2010 at 9:45 am
He does have zippers in his trousers. No cumabund – BTW what are cumabunds for? Perhaps he should wear one?
Dear Greek and loving it,
Throughout the centuries cumabunds have been worn by men of many cultures to signify they are in unhappy marriages.
It is up to your husband to decide a cumabund is appropriate to his circumstances. KJ.
May 21st, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Dear KJ,
I’m very surprised by TGM.
Never took him for a Country & Western sort of bloke…..
Something a little more mysterious perhaps.
Life is full of disappointments.
Dear Megsy,
I’ve been wondering where ya been….great to hear from you.
On the matter of Lord Ginge’s musical (and other) tastes – eclectic. It certainly wouldn’t surprise me if he turned up in a Spider-Man suit with the ‘Complete Works Of Homer’ tucked under his arm. The man lives a quadruple life. KJ.
May 22nd, 2010 at 10:32 am
There is student LIVING in the library.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
Man or woman? KJ.
May 22nd, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Dearest Meg,
Western. West Irish, where they sing Johnny Cash with a brogue (a red shoe?) and are convinced that a dingo is an Irish word.
Incidentally, or is it occidently, the word ‘mug’ means serf in Old Irish.
Let’s go mugging at Cronulla!
TGM.
May 22nd, 2010 at 6:07 pm
I bought my man a cumabund,
He thought he looked real fine,
And after I done danced with him,
A fancy bottle o’wine.
And the waitress, she looked at him.
Sir you look so-o-o divine,
In the kitchen they was makin’ love,
And I was all al-ooooooooooone.
I bought my man a cumabund.
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:08 am
Gee Lord Ginge, I didn’t know how tough it was out there:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxocjZ01f2I&NR=1
May 23rd, 2010 at 11:14 am
The Leeton Swingers’ Battalion is over, due to an incident of which I dare not speak.
The curious, however, may watch it on Network Seven.