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Talk about over-reaction re Miss ‘Bluie’ Gillzo.
As the product of a trailblazing (albeit ruthless) female leader – The Honourable, Respectable and Highly Presentable Gwennie Ross – it’s all quite baffling……..
Particularly because Gwennie’s iron-fisted rule over the State of Leetonia (population, seven) is still the stuff of legend in the Riverina’s vibrant, gender-obsessed feminist circles.
And not just because of her genital configuration. PM Gwennie also had a Five Girl Kitchen Cabinet: Miss Mezza-Anne, Miss Lizzie-Kaye, Miss Julie-Ellen, Miss Frank-Marie and Miss Me.
(Gwennie’s Cabinet Room: cr: Betsyjean79:flickr)
Her consort, Hec, was NEVER given (or sought) a portfolio.
Best to see him as Leetonia’s Ambassador-At-Large. The Consort’s life was NOT his own but he accepted his role with dignity and grace.
…….A constant round of high level talks in the Leeton Hotel, heading up elite duck shooting parties at Tuckerbill Swamp, breakfast briefings with captains of industry at his workplace, the Letona Cannery – and sombre prayer vigils at St Joseph’s Church. The Consort’s plea? That Leetonia would survive its recurring financial crisise.
Being the last born of the PM and The Consort’s five lovely cabinet members, Gwennie’s style of ‘take no prisoners’ politics was my life.
I knew NO better.
By age five, I was the PM’s number cruncher – a job which tested my loyalties and ethical framework on a daily basis.
‘PM, watch that Julie-Ellen. Yes, she may be reasonably pretty – and quite popular - but she’s bored with her Bathroom Exit Moulder portfolio. And we both know that a bored Minister is a dangerous Minister…….’
The truth?
I hankered for a job more in line with my talents. Stuck in the (junior) Television Duster portfolio for 18 months, I was desperate to move on – right up and into the Bathroom Exit Moulder cabinet possie.
But is wasn’t going to end there……..
My strategy?
Get rid of the very telegenic Exit Moulder Minister – and then, in quick succession, ‘do in’ Minister Mezza-Anne (Linoleum Maintenance), Minister Frank-Marie (Foul Tempered Family Pet – Bindi-Boo Major Shampooer) and finally……….oust Deputy PM, Lizzie-Kaye.
*As I’d report often to PM Gwennie, I didn’t think her deputy’s heart was really in Leetonia. More often than not, she was out and about campaigning hard in traditional male-centred electorates. ’NOTHING wrong with that PM Gwennie BUT having someone who honestly enjoys the company of women isn’t asking for much…….’
Soon, I was making even more serious overtures:
‘PM, I really think I’m ready for a more high profile job. While I have enjoyed my Television Dusting portfolio and have embraced all responsibilities in relation to it – I will soon be six. And I’d like to think MY loyalty, and my NOT inconsiderable efforts, have been noted.’
PM Gwennie knew she had a rising star on her hands. Maybe she was even frightened of what she’d produced – a feisty, immoral, increasingly obnoxious, brow-beating, belligerent apparatchik who’d stop at nothing to crash (or crash through) Leetonia.
At the last minute, Gwennie wavered.
Truth was she’d always had an (inexplicable) soft spot for the reasonably pretty, and quite popular, Minister for Exit Moulding.
BUT she did create a new portfolio for the former Minister for Television Dusting – The Checking For Brown Rot On The Peach Tree portfolio.
And that’s as far as I got.
***************************
So, plenty is engross ourselves with this week. Are you the product of a woman? If so, do tell……….
And, please report in on what’s happening in your part of the world – good, bad, indifferent……….
As is The Curse of bloggers everywhere, I await………………
Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.
Prawn Cutlet Award
June 28th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
So what portfolio would you be after now?
Dear Greek and loving it,
Easy!
Something with a strong focus on protocol.
*And seeing The Mousse Man will probably be too busy with other duties, I’d like to take over his Men’s Health Ambassadorship role. I think I’d enjoy that very much. KJ.
June 28th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
I can feel an allegory coming on.
Dear The Lonely Scholar,
There once was a young, bright-eyed girl who left her home – sailing many, many, many miles across the sea – landing in a strange place called ‘South Australia’.
So harsh was the sun her hair turned red.
She was lonely but then found friends in the ‘Bluie Faction’.
Everyone in the ‘Bluie Faction’ had zinc cream on their noses.
One day, our bright-eyed little immigrant was shopping for Pink Zinc in Rundle Mall.
A kindly old lady approached her and said: ‘What beautiful fair skin you have. And please, don’t ever stop using zinc cream on your nose. It looks cute – and people will NEVER forget you…..’
Now, our little immigrant is grown up – and the kindly old lady in Rundle Mall all those years ago, was right!
KJ.
June 28th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
I’m due to touch down (metaphorically speaking only – in fact we make our way to the MIA via that vast expanse of nothing known as the Jerilderie Plain) in Leeton later this week.
KJ, Palm Avenue and others – will I find the place much changed since my last visit some 18 months ago? What new local attractions might I take in?
Dear Roma Street,
I CANNOT believe that our local historian-in-residence could bear to stay away for 18 months!
Having said that, things have changed a bit – but the truly wondrous thing? Hardly at all……….
On my recent assignment with THE Producer, she could NOT believe how beautiful Leeton looks in Winter – the frost, the Antarctic temps, the wind whizzing straight off the Hay plain, the fog……..
But you’d know all about that………
As for attractions – I don’t think you can go past Henry Lawson’s Cottage……which now has a CARPORT.
Beat that!
*Wonder what Henry would make of it – having spent a fair bit of time catching the TRAIN to ‘non-dry’ Narrandera to have fifty beers.
Please keep us informed about your unfolding schedule of activities.
Palm Avenue et al – over to you. Recommendations for our Prodigal Daughter, please?
KJ.
June 29th, 2010 at 7:57 am
Spill the beans KJ. What do you really think about our Julia in Wonderland?
Dear Greek and loving it,
Labor will win the next election. Two weeks ago, the chances? Diddly squat.
Other observations?
Having – decades ago – been the Minister for Television Dusting in an all-female cabinet led by a female PM, the gender-induced excitement surrounding recent events, leaves me cold.
It is the women WITH kiddies that carry on about it – ALL apparently believe that they could have been PMs, captains of A-380 airbuses or rovers for the Leeton-Whitton Crows IF they had not been forced by conspiratorial men to undertake gruelling cycles of IVF.
On the issue of women politicians continually being subject to unfair references to their weight, bra sizes, ability to apply mascara WITHOUT mirrors in Question Time, hair colours etc – BUNKUM!
On the day that Julia assumed the highest office in the land, she said to Kerry O’Brien: ‘Good day for redheads!’.
And yesterday, she was on the loose in a shopping mall in Queanbeyan accosting ONLY women with red-headed babies.
‘Nice colour, nice colour!’ (sticking head into pram uninvited)
Anything else? KJ.
June 29th, 2010 at 11:50 am
Came downstairs as an Act Of Courage….
Brrrrrrrrrrrr!
Who’d go outside when you have Patsy Cline and a bottle o’ wine?
Back upstairs to the man-eatin’ doona……..
Dear The Knuckle,
It’s reassuring to know that among the chaos, the tectonic shifts at the highest of levels, someone is daring to get on with……. their normal life. KJ.
June 30th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Hi Roma Street,
As KJ’s producer I have to say that our visit to Leeton was so full of astonishing attractions that I would be hard pressed to single one out.
HOWEVER – the most exciting sight of the trip for me was watching KJ hurtle off down a dirt track at the wheel of a small hire car with one of those backs that opens right up – leaving only a small ledge for luggage and a large hole in the rear of the car.
KJ (who EVERYONE knows should never drive) had insisted that she be allowed to go to town unaccompanied. She took off – without shutting the back.
The result?
All the recording gear – thousands of dollars of microphones and cameras bumping and shaking down the track and onto the main highway.
As we chased the car (shaking fists) KJ made the highway and drove half way into town before we could jump into another vehicle and catch her.
The Producer,
If this is the only ‘attraction’ you can come up with – having visited one of the most attraction-riddled towns on the Pacific Rim – I feel sorry for you. KJ.
July 1st, 2010 at 10:41 am
Reading this Blog, a memory was stirred within me of Bananas.
Growing up in the fair town of Leeton if one was desirous of a banana, you had to go to Narrandera.
I believe that it was something to do with fruit fly danger…
Dad would as a treat, load us all into the good old Holden EK Station Sedan and off we would go to Narrandera – home of exotic bananas.
It may be my advancing years but bananas don’t seem to taste as nice as they did when we had to drive to Narrandera to get them.
KJ, do you remember if there was any border protection back then?
Dear Stoney Point,
What a marvellous memory!
I’m recommending our Prodigal Daughter, Roma Street, should include – in her frantic schedule – a banana purchasing visit to Narrandera.
On the topic of border protection – driven by the possibility of IMMINENT fruit fly attack – it was and still IS Top Priority.
Border control consists of a bin on the outskirts of Narrandera. Attached to the bin is a sign: ‘If you are carrying fruit, put it in the bin NOW!’
As a family whose meagre resource pool depended on fruit fly staying OUT of the tins at the Letona Cannery – we were great border protection bin supporters.
‘Put that bloody mandarin peel in the bloody bin right now KJ!’ Hec would yell as he brought Holden CLU 295 to a screeching halt.
* Should mention though that fruit fly was a recurring problem for our backyard white peach tree. If only other people had been so serious about the bin…….
KJ.
July 1st, 2010 at 10:59 am
Mmmm . . . I realy don’t know where to begin, as far as attractions around Leeton are concerned.
As Kerriejean points out, the place is riddled with things to see and do . . .
Everyone is getting particularly hot and sweaty over “Grease” at the Roxy. Lots of great media coverage and vox pops around the place about the production.
Good crowds in attendance, too – apart from all the expected grans and mums supporting their little treasures on stage.
Of course, if Roma Street is after a quieter attraction, perhaps she could checkout the new intersection on Yanco Avenue, just across from the Heritage (aka Bygalorie) motel.
Our new (well, seriously revamped and rebuilt) operating theatre at the hospital could be worth checking out if she’s around long enough. ‘The Irrigator’ has been gasping in amazement at the progress of works.
And how about the Alf Herrmann Memorial Freemasons Lodge (up near Assumption Villa) for our less-able older folks.
It opened a couple of months ago to much local, public fanfare. I’m guessing Hec wouldn’t have needed its services all those years ago. Nevertheless, for size (and I’m guessing cost) it’s jaw-droppingly large.
Nevertheless, welcome back to town, Roma Street! Just make sure you are well rugged up!
Dear Palm Avenue,
A superb rundown of possibilities! There’s arts and culture, a new state-of-the-art housing development, cutting edge medical facilities – AND time saving traffic management innovations (GREASE is the word!)
Over to you Roma Street…….KJ.
July 1st, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Palm Avenue,
Ah yes….we looked at doing a ’story’ on that very controversial intersection during our trip. Wow! You Leeton types are so now!
July 1st, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Sounds very much like PM Gwennie was of the SOCIALIST persuasion….
Dear The Dude,
The reality is that our Government was very difficult to pigeonhole – PRO strict fruit fly border security, ANTI brown rot, PRO king prawn cutlet, ANTI imported tinned rice cream………the list goes on.
*As the Minister for Television Dusting, I was very ANTI ‘past their used by date’ knickers being deposited in the duster bag. KJ.
July 2nd, 2010 at 8:40 am
Hi KJ,
Let’s speak girl-to-girl. We know what it’s like to have all sorts of shit thrown at us.
eg: We’re accused of:
*Not much going on in the kitchen department.
* Being barren and childless.
*Consorting with straight hairdressers.
*Loving our footy (and not that girly stuff going on in South Africa)
* Having no time for wowsers.
* AND god botherers (that’s why I advised The Rev Kev to take a long holiday, in a faraway place)
We didn’t break through glass ceilings by fluttering our eyelids at the boss.
We know where we come from and we know where we’re going.
(One of The Rev Kev’s many mistakes was not going out and talking to the good people of Leeton).
I’ll be seeing you soon and look forward to working with you for this great country of ours,
Yrs,
Red N’ Ready.
PS: There’s a rumour going round Parl House that Tony Six Pack has the hots for me.
Girl to girl : what d’ya reckon I should do?
Why HELLO there Red N’ Ready,
Totally agree with your ‘what we’re accused of’ list – and it’s extra TROUBLING for me because over the last week I’ve had hundreds of people front me in the street – with this:
‘You’re barren, childless, love your footy AND you’re NOT the PM of Australia. What’s wrong with ya?!’
*It would be totally in your best interests to visit Leeton asap, YESTERDAY if poss….
Everybody is talking about the retiring member for Riverina (NATIONAL Kay Hull) being the only one human enough to comfort The Rev Kev when he cowered on the backbenches, Coup Day 2010. Make no mistake Red N’ Ready, there’s urgent bridge building to be done!
I reckon a gal representing the good folk of Altona would be crazy for a Sat night lapping session, Pine Avenue. Pic opportunity or what? The Mousse Man NOT required.
So, see ya soon! KJ.
July 2nd, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Had a lot of trouble connecting with the blog today. A glitch with my computer or some gremlin with the server.
In desperation I did a search for ‘kerriejean’.
Google asked: Did you mean derriere?
That’s good. KJ.
July 2nd, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Welcome Red N’ Ready!
You drove your bicycle past Six Pack’s home last night,
His Momma said you gave his family a fright,
You got a some new roller skates, but Tony lost the key……
Some people say you got his mind in a whirl,
I say for a red head,
You done all right for a girl.
July 4th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
‘Gillard to work with Neighbours on Asylum Issue’, said the headline.
What’s the plan?
To beam Australia’s longest television soap opera into Jakarta to destroy any desire to come to Australia?
Or is it to introduce episodes into Ramsay Street showing that when we lock people up behind razor wire we are both tough and compassionate?
Dear The Dude,
I saw that. I thought it meant Julia was going to ask folks living next door to ‘Lodge Altona’ over for a barbie to discuss the issue. KJ.
July 4th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Hi KJ,
We used to sneak in an odd hand of bananas – those inspectors were easy to fool.
For some reason we used to go out to the Cudgel sandhills for a ute load of sand – can’t imagine what we did it, but we always drove into Naranderra for some nanas. We then buried the nanas in the sand – easy.
When I think about it now, I’m horrified. Seemed like a big game then.
Dear Skinned knees,
You must tell yourself: ‘I was young, I was innocent, I loved bananas – it WASN’T my fault that the adults in my family were running a sand/banana scam out of Narrandera into Leeton.’
*I’m NOT saying that Hec was a stranger to scams BUT we didn’t ever go to Narrandera looking for a banana fix – legal or otherwise.
The reason?
If a fruit wasn’t moving along the process line at the Letona Cannery, if it didn’t fit nicely into a tin – IT DIDN’T EXIST!
KJ.
August 16th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
K-j,
I enjoy your banter, though your Leetonian culture is quite foreign to me.
However, I am of ‘woman born’ and was myself a scullery maid (a la ‘Upstair Downstairs’).
All power to your elbow.
City slicker.
Why City Slicker….lovely to have your elbow working on my behalf.
You’ll be thrilled to know that 0.0000000000000002 percent of my visitors are former scullery maids. All wonderful women who still to this day refuse to have dishwashers or microwaves in their kitchens.
KJ.