Thursday: 6:40pm:
Thank you again to our exclusive tipster Roma Street who has made our Spring Carnival SO memorable – and, in the process, has lead to at least half the carports in Australia now being RE-mortgaged.
*Roma Street is a VALUE shopper.
Today, targetting The Oaks, she picked either favourite ‘Brazilian Pulse’ or ‘Sasa’ to win.
Spot on.
‘Brazilian Pulse’ 1st, ‘Sasa’ 2nd. For VALUE shoppers, our Murray-Darling Basin bred tipster went [understandably] for ‘Riceman’. No divvy there but connections say his water allocation is safe.
*Roma Street proudly sponsored by the fun and feisty Kerriejean.com community.
Thursday: 12:20pm.
Our Racing Carnival Week has just got a whole lot MORE intense……
[cr: Powerhouse Museum Collection: flickr]
Roma Street – our ‘Carport To A Brick’ tipster [writing exclusively for Kerriejean.com] has just reported in with her Oaks Day specials.
My advice? RE-MORTGAGE THE CARPORT AND GET ON ‘RICEMAN’ NOW!
[Roma Street]…..I was looking forward to a solid night in front of ‘The Sportsman’ last night, and was hoping to cover most of the program, but after work, dinner, kids etc, the flesh was weak.
I spread out the guide, equipped myself with fresh pens, bunged on the Bach, but after half an hour or so found that the demands of the day had turned my grey matter to sludge.
Nevertheless – I was able to assemble a thought or two before crawling under the doona as an act of abject surrender.
The Oaks is generally the most obvious and predictable form race of the Spring.
Class normally prevails – odds-on and short-priced favourites salute more often than not.
‘Brazilian Pulse’ and ‘Sasa’ fill the bill, but we’re not going to raise the whippy to buy the Majestic Hydro, draw the blinds and live out our days as the town eccentric by taking the shorts, so we’ll work around them and have something each-way on ‘KITTENS’ - trained by the hard-nosed and wily former Mt Gamberian, Mr Mark Kavanagh.
She looks a progressive type and had no luck in the Wakeful.
Later in the day (much later – the last race), we come to another redoubtable Mt Gamberian horseman in Mr Dean Saxon, and his stalwart ‘RICEMAN’
The old boy has been around since *Lin Gordon was in short pants, but is in the form of his career.
[*Former Member for Murrumbigee - NSW Parliament: Minister for Racing]
And unlike a real rice man, you won’t hear this ‘RICEMAN’ complaining about too much rain, because today’s heavy conditions will suit him to a tee – and also unlike a real rice man, he won’t talk your ear off about the Fabian Society and the one world government conspiracy.
KJ Comments:
Thank you Roma Street.
And here’s hoping ‘Riceman’ still has his head in the trough – and won’t be selling his water rights until after the carnival.
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Wednesday, 10:30am: Our Spring Racing Carnival Special just got hotter!
Just in – a poignant report from Broken Hill filed by Old College Day Bum:
HOW MY MASCULINITY UNRAVELLED!
cr:State Library of NSW:flickr
Speaking of race day fashions, I went to a trotting meeting last year for the first time since the days of the legendary *Paleface Adios. [Inter Dominion champ from hot Riverina trotting hub, Temora]
I was related to a connection of a last start winner at Mildura so I thought I might be onto some good oil and give the bookies a pasting.
The event was the Maltese Cup meeting at Broken Hill’s Memorial Paceway.
I recalled the Leeton trots of my youth as fairly classy dress up affairs so I decided to go smart casual: ie dress shirt and good pair of jeans.
This seemed to pay off and I was pleasantly flattered when a woman approached me and asked if I would like to compete in Fashions on the Field.
It was a hot night and a quick survey of the crowd indicated the trotting fraternity had definitely let dress standards slip in the last twenty years so I thought I might be in with a chance.
The stage was the typical rustic and rusting flat bed trailer in front of the grandstand – and I admit experiencing a few butterflies as I mounted the stairs to moderate polite applause.
I thought my main competition was an old codger who was the only competitor dressed in a suit - and he had a flower in his lapel and an open shirt displaying a good crop of grey chest hairs.
……Obviously he had dressed for the competition and I thought he could be a sentimental favourite with the crowd.
Surprisingly the real competition turned out to be the surly young punk wearing ordinary tee shirt - clinging tightly to a six pack - with knee length shorts.
He must have been the darling of the young trotting groupies because they met his introduction with squeals of lustful delight – and sadly this was probably the factor that most swayed the judges.
Perhaps if I had read your advice about people of a certain age not wearing jeans I might have avoided being the mutton dressed up as lamb cannon fodder that I turned out to be.
….Or perhaps some strategically positioned pieces of fruit might have got me a few lustful squeals as well.
The horse finished ’stone motherless’ so all in all it might be another twenty years before I venture back onto a racetrack - but I will certainly consider your fashion advice before I do.
KJ Comments:
Dear Old College Day Bum,
There is much in here…..NO less than vexed issues of contemporary masculinity laid bare….
And I think I can speak on behalf of everyone in our community in thanking you for your candour.
First things first….
It was natural of you to be flattered when the young Fashion on the Field Broken Hill Malteser Cup co-ordinator identified you as being fully clothed – and so determined that your participation in the competition, was appropriate.
It was totally understandable that you subsequently mounted the Fashion on the Field truck feeling good -a visitor who took pride in his appearance and was NOT afraid to make a dramatic personal statement to this effect.
It was WRONG of the judges to ignore your efforts and instead opt for a semi-naked adonis carrying illegal quantities of alcopops.
It is very sad that your Malteser Cup Day was marred.
It is also true that NO amount of ’strategically placed’ fruit would have changed the judges’ minds.
I think I can safely say on behalf of our community that a pineapple down your pants on the back of the Fashions on the Field truck at Broken Hill’s Malteser Cup Day would have left you feeling even worse – if that’s at all possible.
Thank you for sharing your Malteser Cup day with us. KJ.
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Tuesday, 3:39pm. Thank you to our official tipster Roma Street. She’ll be back next year.
…..When I WILL be RE- recommending: ‘RE-mortgage the RE-mortgaged carport.’
KJ – thanks for the honour of asking me to be the official Melbourne Cup tipster.
My advice to you - and our fraternity and sorority – is to do the following:
Go down to your local park or step into your top paddock…
Take with you a grapefruit and a knee-length sock.
Put the grapefruit into the sock and shove it down to the toe.
Take a firm hold of the other (open) end of the sock, twirl it around your head to gain some momentum, and when you’re ready – fling it.
How far that grapefruit travels will be approximately equivalent to how far SO YOU THINK is going to win by.
He is the greatest post-war Australian racehorse and at four years of age, and with two Cox Plates under his belt and only 56 kg on his back, he has not so much beaten the handicapper as bludgeoned him to death with a pick handle.
For those who like to have a little lash at the trifecta, the only horse who is not so close in the weights to So You Think as to represent the most negligible of threats is MALUCKYDAY.
The shrewd John Hawkes has kept this fellow’s powder dry and snuck him in with only 51 kgs by sending him around week in, week out against the dromedaries and dairy cows that constitute the Sydney staying ranks, before letting the cat out of the bag in Saturday’s Lexus, where he towelled up a handy bunch of Cup aspirants.
Of the foreign raiders, it always pays to keep an eye on the Sheik’s second stringer. The Godolphin outfit generally sends a much-vaunted blueblood and a stoic, much travelled yeoman for his travelling companion.
More often than not, the journeyman is the one who runs the bold race.
This year, the part of the monocle-sporting Hooray Henry will be played by Holberg, and filling the role of journeyman is CAMPANOLOGIST. Throw the bell ringer in for 3rd.
[*Now.....back to a happy 'horsey' story which will NOT cost you a cent]
Being part of a country bookie’s team came with great privileges……
I know.
Because – for 10 years between the ages of five and 15 – I was the T-Bone Steak runner for Hec Ross, *Penciller for Bookie John ‘Willo’ Williamson and his crew of Merry Bookiemen…..
…..’Bad Billy’, ‘Chantie’, ‘Lamontal’ – snazzy ‘loud’ tie types sporting nifty fedoras with sprigs of duck feathers tucked in the bands.
[*The clerk, often known as the penciller, he would record the bets, the ticket numbers, the volume of the bet and he would have to manually add all those together during the course of betting on a race. You had to be very sharp to do all that in your head. Veteran bookie, Gavin Marantelli]
[cr: State Library of Queensland:flickr]
Excuse me KJ, but didn’t you mention T-Bone Steak?
I did, so I did….
In this context.
On Saturday mornings - well before Willo’s traditional country bookie vessel of conveyance [maroon 56-piston Ford Fairlane] roared to a deafening halt outside Leeton’s Fibro Palace De Acacia Boulevard – Penciller Hec got to consume the only T-Bones ever taken at court.
The ‘One Special T-Bone A Week Decree’ came from Queen Gwennie.
She’d long determined that if Penciller Hec was to keep Willo [and ultimately us] solvent, top shelf brain protein would have to be purchased.
So, every Saturday I secured from master butcher Mr Maltman one huge Special T-Bone which was devoured by the palace’s pensive Penciller in front of his Rice Bubble consuming courtiers.
It is said that the Special T-Bones did their work.
Our Penciller travelled far and wide…….
And Willo’s betting ledger was always compiled with startling accuracy - whether it be during locust plague affected race meetings in regional Victoria or gala breeder showcase trotting events closer to home.
Even a couple of sneaky sips of DA did not affect The Penciller’s extraordinary Special T-Bone fuelled powers of odds driven mental gymnastics.
It would be wrong of me to leave you with the impression that Willo’s crack team of Merry Bookiemen did not have fun.
……..Breaking land speed records between country racing and trotting hubs, singing and downing DA if relieved of Fairlane rocket control duties – and remembering ‘Big Bonus’ bacchanalias when every favourite ‘was still goin’ round…’
But, as so often in life, it is the unexpected that makes you think: ‘Thank God for this, thank God for that….’
And thank God for the fortifying Special T-Bone when a freak occurrence cruelly interrupted the Merry Bookiemen as they were rocketing along on the outskirts of Grafton for that pretty regional centre’s Annual Cup meeting.
Willo was at the wheel.
No-one remembers the exact sequence of events.
But everyone in the Fairlane witnessed the shocking result of same.
A calf came crashing through the windscreen, landing on our reclining back seat Special T-Bone digesting Penciller.
The Merry Bookiemen were speechless.
Only a record breaking stream of ‘one breath’ expletives from The Penciller broke the silence.
Who was but a short time later spotted calmly doing his calculations on the picture perfect Grafton Racecourse….
In a new suit purchased from a local outfitter enroute to the track.
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So, here’s to country bookies. Mostly gone now, T-Bone fortified or not.
SPECIAL KJ PLEA FOR CUP DAY:
On Tuesday, I am asking Australian women to leave their silly fascinators and hats at home and instead [a la Carmen Miranda] attach bananas, grapes, oranges, pears and any other stone fruits – to their heads.
Why?
It’s undoubtedly attractive BUT I see it as a gesture of support for the embattled irrigators of the Murray-Darling Basin.
So, remember – a food bowl on your head this Cup Day [T-Bone optional].
*And no-one in your office is allowed to start picking you until 10pm (yippee!)
So, let’s have a happy week. Pleasure and politics. Fun and ideology……..
Looking forward to hearing from you.
……..Particularly if you’ve ever been in the Air Emirates tent at Flemington – tell me, tell me NOW, what do Krug and Krispy Kreme donuts taste like together…..tell me NOW…..
By:
Just clicking on the ‘comment’ thingo and following the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.
Email to:
cr: Field Museum Library: flickr
Prawn Cutlet Award