KerrieJean.com

Urgent news to hand about the Riverina Australian Rules Football League’s feared Groin Dynasty.

I speak of the Ganmain Groiners (’The Groiners’)  who, for decades, have operated unchecked out of the Ganmain Grong Grong-Matong Club.

In Premiership mode yesterday, the Ganmain Groiners – as per usual  - joined 18 groins (thus playing as one groin) to smash the disparate groins of the hard men from Turvey Park, Wagga Wagga.

…..Hard men who travelled to Narrandera to go through the motions of Riverina Grand Final Day, 2010.

Hard men who knew they were already doomed [The Ganmain Groiners: 14-8:92, Turvey Park: 7:8:50]

The Groiners – who hide behind their town’s innocous slogan,’The Pacific Rim’s Haystack Capital’ – have snatched six flags in seven seasons.

[What horrors lurk behind the Haystack Capital? cr:The Library of Congress:flickr] 

Which brings me to this…..

In an effort to discover why one club has managed to make a mockery of something promoted as the Riverina Football League Competition, I have just completed a gruelling interview with Ganmain Groiners’ President, Mr Phil Hatty.

I tracked a very nervy Mr Hatty to the Ganmain Sports and Recreation Club, known throughout the Riverina as ‘The Home Of The Groiners’.

He was preparing to present the The Groiners to yet another (sigh, sigh) Brekkie Premiership Civic Reception.

Sadly, luminaries would be thin on the ground.

The Mayor is sick of coming.  The Groiners had demanded cous cous and tapas ‘just to make things a bit interesting’. Ganmain residents were ’sick and tired’ of turning up when they couldn’t weep and say things like:

‘We got through the drought and we’ll get through losing the premiership if we all stick together as a community, we surely will…..’

*Highlights of interview with Mr Hatty.

Why do the Ganmain Groiners always win the Grand Final?

“Because we hate Coolamon (ed’s note: one of the prettiest, ‘go ahead’ towns in the Riverina).

“Everyday our coach, Daniel Rankin, has to drive through Coolamon and everyday he says to himself: ‘I hate this place and I swear to God I’m gunna make sure ’they’ never get their hands on our groins’.”

So Mr Hatty, The Groiners are driven by nothing more, nothing less than psychopathic malice?

“Yep KJ, that simple.”

I put down the phone. Suddenly, I felt cold. Then chilled to the very bone.

The Ganmain Groiners – the most successful club in the history of Riverina Australian Rules Football - are driven by irrational hate……..

I am shaking.

All those years ago when Hec (Leeton Redlegs’ President) bundled Gwennie and his five lovely girls into Holden CLU 295 to drive erratically to Ganmain to get thrashed he knew this was no (passably) ‘normal’  family day out.

The fact that Hec always returned to CLU 295 shaking, sweating and swearing badly and loudly is testament.

And in retrospect, why wouldn’t he be acting highly inappropriately?

For a real family man had been continually forced to subject his loved ones to the cauldron of hate that was the Ganmain Groiners very raison d’etre.

So, listen very carefully. I owe it to Hec.

I am returning to Leeton in 2011 to coach the Leeton-Whitton Crows to Riverina Football League Premiership glory.

Why?

To rid regional football of the canker that continues to threaten Riverina community-building, The Ganmain Groiners.

I also happen to hate them with every bone in my pert body.

Yep, simple as that.

[Here's a link to my first story on the Ganmain Groin Dynasty. *Mitch Carroll named best and fairest groin on the ground, yesterday. Scroll down a bit and you WILL come to the groin material]

http://www.kerriejean.com.au/2010/06/the-world-cup-30-day-fizzer/]

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It’s very sad when a community going under the banner of ‘Living, Loving Learning’ is forced to confront issues like hate – but if we must, we will.

Why does Ganmain hate Coolamon? Why does Coolamon hate Ganmain? Why do I loathe both?

….And while I’m at it, I’ll chuck in Ardlethan, Grong Grong and Moombooldool just for good measure…..

If anyone out there can help me confront my irrational hatred of other towns please be in touch.

Trust me, I’ll read what you’ve got to say, I’ll respond BUT if you think I’m going to change my mind you are - quite frankly – SADLY DELUDED……

As always, I’m sitting here waiting to hear news from your patch: the good, the suss and the downright pathetic….everything is treated equally in here.

Go on, express yourself by:

Just clicking on the ‘comment’ thingo and following the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.

Huge news today vis a vis my advocacy work which, as my supporters will tell you, is all done in my private time….

For free, gratis…..diddly squat. 

['Do we really want the war to continue?' cr: Peter Hindmarsh: flickr]

With sleepy rural constituencies being propelled into the national spotlight, I have embarked on an urgent lecture tour at (as my supporters will reaffirm) great personal expense.

While it is true that country towns are hell bent on snatching every last cent from our collective nation-building coffers, I am not only appealing for calm but viewing our new paradigm (sigh, sigh, sigh…) through the prism of peacemaking and understanding – a rare opportunity to achieve rural-city detente.

My lecture series is titled: My Cow, Your Cow, Our Cow .

Whether you are reading this in Bondi or Barmedman, please take a couple of minutes out of (let’s face it) your pretty ordinary life - and hear me through.

*Opening ‘My Cow, Your Cow, Our Cow’ comments – busting unhelpful myths.

[1] Country people are geniuses because they know where food comes from.

While city folk devour beef medallions strategically poised on juniper jus, followed by something sweet floating in quadruple curd, they have not a clue about the source of their bacchanalian tastes.  

The truth:

Both country and city folk know the souce of the aforementioned repast: COW.

[2] Country people are superior lovemakers because they’ve seen lots of cows being born. Seeing cows being born makes people ‘more at one with life forces’ .

The truth. 

Man or woman – city or country – who’s observed vets armed with tractor chains pull calves from wombs and thinks this has equipped them with ‘higher authority’ bedroom skills needs professional help NOW.

[3] Country people fight like bulls on heat but when someone needs a finger sown back on after giving their all during a particularly gruelling calf birth, they’ll quickly forget their differences and form emergency fundraising raffle committees.

The truth.

Country and city folk have the same propensity to hate. Taking away a person’s right to hate is akin to castrating cattle without adminstering panadeine. 

[4]  Country people are too busy monitoring cow prices to care about what’s happening in Myanmar.

The truth:

Country folk have been trying to get a live cow trade going with Myanmar for decades. They know everything about it.

[5] Country people are ’less Australian’ because they know not the pleasures of the surf. Nor have they faced - and conquered - its dangers. 

The truth.

They’ve done far more than that. 

Time for the hidden stories of dam and river derring do to be put before the Australian public. 

And time for me to declare I’m midway though a cultural history of just that.  Tales so far….

*Brave (stripped bare) country men winning three-day fights with 567 kilo dam carp.

* Modest country women having cossies ripped clean off their pert bodies by lethal Murrumbidgee River undertows.

And most intriguing of all, the three men in a tinnie who disappeared without a trace nearly one hundred years ago. 

Locals still talk about ‘The Tinnie Heaven’ case.

Wazza, Jezza and Tezza were last seeing loading a tinnie with 10,045 tinnies at the Tinne Hell Ramp at 06:37 on the 13th day of the 13th month in the year 1913.

I am currently investigating how 10,245 tinnies can disappear without a trace.

In the meantime, I declare the next seven days: ‘For Town And Country Week’. Patrons: Messrs Oakeshott and Windsor.

Please join us.

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So busy, busy busy……..

And a big welcome if you’ve discovered us via the extraordinary buzz around our new comedy series, ‘Something In The Hair’.

Do let us all know what’s happening in your patch – perhaps you even enjoy the City-Country Culture Wars and would be mightily disappointed if peace came in your lifetime.

Perhaps you like ‘Something In The Hair’ – or perhaps you find it nauseating. Trust me, I’m not the type to lose sleep over such a slight but I’d like to know exactly why and how you formed your opinion - I really would. I really…..really…..REALLY……would.

So, looking forward to meeting you. If not during the ‘My Cow, Your Cow, Our Cow’ lecture tour then right here and now.

You can do that by:

Just clicking on the ‘comment’ thingo and following the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.

DON’T dare tell me this is a Democracy……..

Not when millions of law abiding, line dancing country people are denied a basic right – to exciting, even mildly interesting, elections.

This Saturday will be NO different.

Take for example the seat of Shorthorn……….

Shorthorn constituents - ‘we pay our bloody taxes’ will be, as per usual, shouting ‘BOUT TIME at  tellies when Kerry O’B or Antony G deign mention that sitting member Murray Grey (Nat) has defied Science, God and a local locust plague  to be returned for the 19th time with an increased majority of 98 percent.

[Door knocking in the seat of Shorthorn - cr: Robert Scarth: flickr]

This time though, it was Murray’s personal crusade  – for community fundraising barbeques serving local roadkill, that really resonated.

[KO'B] And what’s that up on the tally board? Something new! Antony?

Indeed Kerry. This is the first time since Federation that the Greens have fielded a candidate in the seat of Shorthorn. Jacinta Buckley is an organic truffle grower. She moved to Shorthorn last week with her Immigration lawyer husband, Jeremy. Jacinta’s picked up 000000000000.4% with a couple of truffles still unaccounted for.

And Labor?

Indeed Kerry. This is the 16th time the sole Labor councillor in the electorate of Shorthorn, sewage plant middle manager, Will Power, has contested Shorthorn.

As usual, he’s run on his ‘ Meet The By-Pass Man’ slogan. Will wants 23 By-Passes built in Shorthorn by the turn of the century and he wants local hospitals to do By-Passes so people feigning heart attacks will stop using the Flying Doctor Service for shopping excursions……

Will always picks up about 0.0000007% and it’s NO different this time……

Indeed Antony. And we’ll leave Shorthorn at that…..

So, come Saturday when you’re connnected to plasma drips and tellies feeling important because Kerry and Antony are close to self-combustion when YOUR seat comes up for scrutiny for the 124th time, spare a thought for the people in Shorthorn -  forlorn, forgotten…….

*Just quietly though, word is that Will Power’s traditional election night DEFEAT party is a ripper!

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So, I trust you’re all itching for an exciting week….Gwennie is. She’s predicting a colossal swing to Labor of 0.000000002 percent in her shorthorn seat of Riverina. Good luck Gwennie!

*KJ’s Poll Week Pro-Democracy Week Cover*

Continuous coverage all week from kerriejean.com’s diplomatic & political correspondent, Under The Table Top Man (UTTTM).

[Cr Trevor Coultart: flickr]

UTTTM has been under the table where and when it’s counted – the Treaty of Versailles, Mark Latham’s fortieth, Kevin Rudd’s gall bladder surgery, Ikea’s Spring catalogue launch……..

AND he’ll be under the table for you all this week.

So, follow UTTM’s under the table reports right up to and including Poll Day 2010 (in comments section).

And, of course, your world doesn’t stop while ‘Australia Decides’. On the contrary. So, please report in with news from your patch. It really is important – to me (and my bosses).

Poignant memories of country elections past would not only be welcomed but treasured…… 

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and following the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.

Whowoulddathought?

Talk about social mobility……

The cream of Hec and Gwennie’s five lovely daughters – the very pretty, reasonably intelligent and quite popular Julie-Ellen, has taken possession of a golden Holden Statesman.

You heard right: Statesman!

(Traditional country leisure motoring: Cr: Ferenghi: flickr)

Big beautiful lines, petrol consumption to make Bob Brown weep, colossal leather seats ( go on, go on….fly me to the moon and let me play upon the stars), enough leg room for Magic Johnson in prosthetic stilettos and a monumental teak dash chockablock with gizmos including a gobsmacking array of not warning but congratulatory  lights.  

…..’Congratulations, you’ve just smashed the land speed record’, ‘Congratulations, your fuel consumption is officially morally reprehensible’, ‘Congratulations, you’re shamelessly fanging a Big Prestige Car In A Big Prestigious Country!’.

So, it may have taken 50 years, but in terms of country leisure motoring, we have arrived……

We have among us a vessel of conveyance once reserved for members of the obscenely wealthy (albeit excessively whingeing) Rice Farming Class. And make no mistake, their consumption of Statesmen (and the Ford counterparts, Fairlanes) was extremely conspicuous………

*Tearing up the elegant boulevard that is Pine Avenue…

*Duelling with hyperventilating  Hilman Minx-driving spinsters for premium parking spots…… ..

*Perpetuating preposterous rumours of ‘ making it under two’ (hours) to Geelong Grammar (in line with family traditions of outsourcing loved ones). 

*Displaying perverse/reverse pretensions including dumping 44 gallon drums of rice blight fighting pesticides on beautifully crafted leather seats………

Making me to sick to the stomach.

BUT all the while, promising myself:

‘One day we’re gonna get a Statesman and we’re gonna treat the magnificent baby with respect.’

So, when Julie-Ellen tore into Leeton  – avec Statesman - when I was in residence on my recent ABC freebie (sorry assignment), what happened?

Firstly, we adjourned to the carport in respectful silence…

Stood gaping at the golden Statesman. Gesticulating with understated nodding .  Then, we peered through the windows. Continued nodding …..

Then we were in the magnificent baby……..

Maintaining respecful silence…….

Then my legs were in the air. Head room test. 

Then we were purring along…

Then roaring up Pine Avenue – up the main, around the monument to The Fallen, down the main, up the main, around the monument to The Fallen, up the main, down the main…..

Then we availed ourselves to the Statesman’s very fine sound system.  Tested its operating specifications to the max.

I was finally LAPPING in a Statesman!!!!!!!

…..And giving the splendid set of circumstances all the respect they most surely demanded…..

Ed’s note: As The Pacific Rim’s nerviest motorist, I don’t drive except  during what I call my  ’demonstration two kilometres’ when I’m home. 

But, I will keep my licence up to date because my natural inkings are towards the humanitarian. So, if a poor bugger is looking for a heart of gold or beautifully proportioned kidney and I’m in the unfortunate position of not needing them anymore, they can go to it!

*For interested parties, our lapping soundtrack was this (Ross girls long time lapping classic. *Has to be on minimum volume 9.5  to get what I’m talking about).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtuyYAL-nNY&feature=PlayList&p=177852B7113CC758&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=60

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Gee, I wish I lapping in Julie-Ellen’s big Statesman right now. Isn’t it lovely when dreams come true?

*I was just reading that – after a few years of superb Rice Farmer whingeing conditions (no water, no water, no water)  the latest crop projections are for  BUMPER harvests. That’s good. 

….As long as we all watch closely those new Hummers when stepping onto the main pedestrian crossing on the elegant Boulevard St Pine.

*It’d be very nice to hear from you….. as per usual, all report backs on all topics welcome……..

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.

Dateline: Sydney, Australia, Friday June 11th, 2010.

Got back from Leeton Wednesday night but have only just woken up.

Still a bit iffy.

Low cumulus cover and one thunder clap at Wagga Wagga Airport set off a traditional free-floating pre-flight nervy. The last thing I remember is downing a handful of valium and ringing Gwennie to tell her how much I loved her……new perm.

What a wonderful trip!

I went to Leeton as a Woman and came back – still a Woman but with two high tech sound cards chock-a-block with honest, hard-working locals speaking openly of their hopes, dreams, fears, extra-marital affairs, water allocations, favourite rice recipes (Rice Medley, Festive Rice Ring) and deeply spiritual quests.

I asked everyone who gave so freely of their time:  Does God Know Leeton Exists?

A quick scan of my notes shows the community is split 50-50. But, I can break the deadlock – and I will!  Yes, yes, YES God knows Leeton exists and He sent his only draftsman Walter Burley Griffin to save it.

Highlights of the ‘embedded in Leeton’  freebie….sorry, ASSIGNMENT.

*The superb professionalism of The Producer. She wouldn’t let me smoke while conducting interviews and, in retrospect, I think her directive was harsh – but probably right in the circumstances.

*The raid on the Leeton-Whitton Crows dressing sheds on Sunday. So powerful was the testosterone aura I fainted and had to be carried out on a stretcher.

*Brazilian Wax, Tresses Salon. Don’t know why I didn’t have one years ago. Feel like Eve in The Garden Of Eden - Pre Original Sin.

Anyway, still a little disorientated…

AND there’s still so much heavy lifting to do for the upcoming kerriejean.com multi-platform series. 

I told The Producer I trusted her implicitly and was – albeit reluctantly – prepared to leave the editing, post-production, scripting, voiceover, on-line design, twittering, Facebook inserts and crazy rounds of pre-publicity interviews to her but she said:

Fat Chance!

Back to bed. Wobble, wobble, wobble……..[memo to self: see detox professional tomorrow if balance still not quite right]

Read on for the Leeton ’on location’ report……. 

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Memories – like the calling of a name, misty water coloured memories - of the way weez were……

Dear, dear kerriejean.com supporters it is now 97 hours since I flew Air Valium from Sydney to the Riverina where I’m darting around – with Australia’s most experienced out-of-work comedy producer - plucking out material for my upcoming ground breaking multi-platform series. 

All funded by YOU.

What, WHAT can I say to convince you that the hired Hyundai hatchback, the prawn cutlet platters, the crazy round of rice paddy visits, the explosive reunions with old flames – and hard edged journalism - are a valid use of YOUR hard earned money?

Perhaps this piece of (visual) evidence?

(The centrepiece of Walter Burley Griffin’s vision for Leeton: Band Rotunda, Chelmsford Place. Cr: Shirmax: flickr)

Or perhaps this (non-visual) snippet?

*Could it have been only Saturday that I was running the gauntlet in Banna Avenue Griffith, investigating reports of Organised Swearing in a city which continues to refuse to lance its boils, cut out the cancer eating away at its very heart – AND giving the Australian television viewing public – with its insatiable appetite for stories which speak to the very heart of who we are – the best night in since ‘My Name’s McGooley, What’s Yours?’

All in all, a personal and professional rollercoaster……..

…..Which today threatens to reach new and dizzying heights with a vist to the world famous bird watchers’ paradise, the Fivebough Swamp, Bog And Wetlands.  

My host is none other than Mr Brent Lawrence whose seminal presentation ‘Leeton In Sixty Seconds’ is shown, discussed and debated at tourism industry seminars worldwide.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdacvI0uRMU&feature=related

Today though, just two questions for Mr Lawrence:

The first:

So Mr Lawrence the Siberian Cranes come all the way from Russia – but why won’t a bloke even come 20 kms from Whitton to take me out?

I have no doubt Mr Lawrence will answer in the manner of the consumate professional he is.

But like most difficult interviews, I will leave my most controversial question to last.

Mr Lawrence, do you identify with the matinee idol, Forrest Tucker, who it is said loved nature in spite of what it did to him?

Apologies for such a quick report back….

It’s all go, go, GO.

My appointment book shows just for this morning – Mr Lawrence, ‘I Love Leeton’ intimate tattoo application, Walter Burley Griffin Memorial Water Towers re-enactment (Leeton High School students will be Tower 1, St Francis College students, Tower 2), Observation platform: Sunwhite Rice Cake processing line – Leeton Rice Mills.

As usual (sigh, sigh, sigh), I will still punch out a small hole in my windows of opportunities to read your posts.

Love to hear what’s happening in your patch (sigh, sigh, sigh) but to be honest I can’t think of anything that could beat what I’ve got going here.

Another thing – since I’ve been in Leeton I’m noticing a great improvement in my facial wrinkles and general jowl line. Gwennie (mum) says it because I’m packing on the weight but I truly think it’s more to do with my plummeting stress levels. You be the judge when the photos go up……

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.

KJ’s OFFICIAL RIVERINA TOUR SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED!

(If you haven’t read the story at the end of this schedule please do so in the interests of comprehension)

Official Schedule:

Friday June 4th – 8:30am. Flight: Air Valium, Sydney-Wagga Wagga. 

Arrive Wagga Wagga 9:30am: Detox. Hire car to Holbrook. Secret (recorded) counselling session with resident Sister of St Joseph.

Friday, June 4th, 6pm. Triumph entry into Leeton. Ceremonial Booze Bus escort. Prawn Cutlet Reception, Leeton RSL.

Sat, June 5th, 11pm. Six-hour Pine Avenue  traditional lapping session in pink 1982 Holden panel van. *Official Cystic Fibrosis Rally car no 181.

Sun, June 6th, 1pm. Historic (for gender reasons) raid on the Leeton-Whitton Crows Australian Rules Football Club’s  ’rub down’ and pre-match hype up sheds - Leeton Showgrounds. 

Sunday, June 6th, 2pm. Front row deluxe grandstand seat (cushion provided), Leeton-Whitton Crows V Narrandera Imperial Eagles.

Sun, June 6th, 10pm. ‘Leeton By Night’ - Roo Shooting,  Brobenah Hills.

Tuesday, June 8th, 10:30 am. Full-body waxing session,  full-body body piercing,  full-body Juju Bed toxin removal, Tresses Salon, Pine Avenue Leeton.

Wednesday, June 8th: 3:oopm. Flight: Air Valium, Wagga Wagga-Sydney. Detox.

*  Just in: The Rev Kev releases KJ tour statement (see comments section).

* Pre Schedule Release Story below…..

It’s pathetic – even criminal – when self-obsession gets the upper hand.

Truly, I cannot believe I ever wrote this:

Kerrie Jean desperately wants you to participate in this blog.

At this time of life, another failure could be catastrophic. (September, 2008)

(KJ: ‘I am willing to strip myself bare…’ credit: Tracey Trompf)

Looking back, how silly, how childish because Boy O Boy have I got news!

Simply put, I am in receipt of a Highly Stimulatin’ Development Package from ABC Management. It’s a ‘no strings’ proposition and (just quietly) comes at the end of a  ‘take no prisoners’  dog-eat-dog competitive process.

Beat that!

If I felt like it, I could build a new ‘Kerriejean.com Trans Fat  Tuckshop’ at Leeton Primary School, I could a fund a Grong Grong bolt hole for my lesbian lover - or I could blow taxpayers’ monies on a couple of vials of botox or derma filler. 

*Ed’s note:  Just so you know I’m not kidding, I did secretly self-fund three vials of derma filler three months ago.

For the record – and if you’re a case of ‘derma filler just waiting to happen’ - the sixteen 52-centimetre-long  pre derma filler face deadening needles going right through my right lower cheek and emerging out the other did hurt a bit. 

But still, no pain, no gain.

In fact, so natural, so non-intrusive was my $1200 worth of Australian made derma filler, no one noticed any difference.  And that’s what you want, is it not?

Anyway, now is now and (can you believe it?) on Friday I’ll be jetting to the Riverina with a full set of jowls, a producer with more laughter lines than Charlie Chaplin - and enough hard cash to stay in whatever motels we want within a 1098 kilometre radius of Wagga Wagga.

Pacific Rim populace – in unison:

What for? It’s afterall my money you’re playing with? [I knew this'd come up, I just knew it.....sigh, sigh, sigh]

‘ALL RIGHT, steady on….to…to….to…bloody well collect what we call in the business ‘material’ for a groundbreaking on-airable, podcastable, on- lineable, twatable, facebookable, multi-platformable, demountable, Walkley Awardable COMEDY series.’

Thank you KJ, but I’m NOT convinced…..

Maybe you just wanna get outta town? 

……Things a ‘little hot’ presently?  Got a meta-narrative? Got a through line? Got ANYTHING on paper?

‘Thank you for asking Pacific Rim populace.  Just so happens I do…….[sigh, sigh, sigh]

The meta-narrative is that I’ve never understood why most Australians don’t think about - let alone have real affection - for Leeton.

So, I’m going to emotionally (and physically) strip myself naked in an attempt to discover whether my enduring – even crazed love – is based on cheap nostalgia  or something much more…….’

……Perhaps even – from teenagehood - my pathological inability to create a new and viable adult life…..

(Oh God, oh God, I’ve said it). 

So confronting is all this, the other day I broke down in my producer’s arms:

I truly don’t mind being stripped bare at every turn, but I fear peeling myself back only to find – like a cling peach on a canning line -  that I have no core.

Producer:  Shut up KJ! Even if you don’t conclude you’ll go back to Leeton to live, would you consider going there to die…?

God, this is hard. But I if I continue to peel myself back just a little every day, things could work out…..

So, while I write – freezing in just my sports brassiere and cottontails - this is what I’ve (potentially) got lined (potentially) up (potentially) thus far……

*Brazilian wax (Friday). Producer: Good work! I’m surprised you found someone to do it.

*Trip to Griffith to find someone to help me get back the $1200 dollars I blew on the derma filler (Tuesday).

*Visit to the Leeton-Whitton Crows dressing shed (Sunday). I sidled in there once as a teenager when post-match ’rubbing down’ was underway – only to be told that if I ever did it again, police would be called.

….I’d like to know, HAVE to know, whether things have changed re Riverina spatial gender relations.

What YOU can do to help with this project:

*Pray that the prop jet makes it to Wagga Wagga and that I keep my traditional in-flight valium dose right on the knife edge that is just between comatose and a panic induced front page making in-flight incident. 

*Tell everybody that KJ is striking a blow for women of a certain age and it’d be a crying shame if she peeled herself right back to her very core – and no-one gave a damm.

Finally, everyone can look forward to hearing from (and seeing a lot more of) my new manager, Jim.  He’s got his whole life ahead of him. I don’t think I could live with myself if I ruined that.

******So, a very special day for kerriejean.com, particularly when it comes to value adding. All reports from your patch welcome, plus the EXTRA pressure of suggestions for THE project. This is what you do:

Just click on the ‘comment’ thingo and follow the simple instructions. The place to write your gems is at the bottom of the last published comment. *A little bit of counsel for people new to this caper. Your email (just called ‘mail’ in this case) address does NOT come up on site. And just ignore the URL thingo.