The Fandango.

Thank you Mrs T. What happened next please?

The official reason given a week later during a chance meeting on Pine Avenue: ‘I was helpin’ dad with the pigs.’ KJ.

I remember being asked at an evening function at a rural rugby club by one of the beefy players whether or not I’d like to see the scrum machine.

Dear Mrs T,

KJ.

Read the post about ‘Bolero’.

Back upstairs to the man-eatin’ doona. (No music, no nothin’)

Dear The Knuckle,

At least we all know you’re safe….KJ.

A question for our dancing The Ginger Man: What do you prefer?

Dear Megsy,

No one should have to turn up at work with a sick certificate which – in answer to reason for absence – says: ‘ The Fandango Madness’. KJ.

It doesn’t even rate a schwark…….if you know what I mean, kiddo?

Is this a case of post Civil War KFC?

Giblet Queen of the Riverine?

Climate Change Chicky-Do?

Advance Feathers……yeah, yeah, yeah……

To be continued.

I want you to close you eyes and imagine you’re unwell….

Let’s say an unidentified fever brought on by a nervy or maybe even a bolero.

You’re lying in a hospital bed awaiting The Doctor.

Suddenly, Nurse – speaking in appropriately reverential tones – whispers:

Doctor’s coming!

Now here’s the question for you (and every other patient in Australia) -

Would YOU like to open you eyes to see a Mad man rush to your bedside inappropriately parading himself in the briefest of jocks?

He takes your pulse, does 50 press ups on the ward floor, confesses he thinks he once may have mistakenly made Nurse pregnant and then rushes off….after blaming everything on the Government…

…OR would you like to open your eyes to see the reassuringly bespectacled face of The Rev Doctor Kev wearing a clinically clean white coat….

He calmly takes your hand in a strictly professional manner….

And quietly announces a professionally focussed diagnostic course of medical treatment?

You know what?

I think we all know the answer to that one.

Stay well. Stay safe,

With The Rev Dr Kev.

PS: Once I’ve got the new hospitals going properly there’s going to be a whole lot of new jobs down Canberra way. Spread the word!

Dear Dr The Rev Kev,

As one who treasures her vote, I am at this stage not swayed by either scenario. KJ.

It was to be THE MALTESE CHOOK.

It may still happen, kiddo, if we can find the female lead.

We need a Dame.

There’s always a Dame.

Am I right, or am I right?

To be continued.

As part of the Leeton Hep Cat Festival, I am having trouble in running an open air screening of some of the shorts from my previous attempts at cinema.

Most controversial:

THE DARK SIDE OF GALLIPOLI.

Some snippets:

Colonel Frogmorton, to General Thistlewaite-Upbottom:

Frankly, Sir, I do not TRUST THESE COLONIALS. The last three British commanders were shot in the back when they called: Over the Top, Men!

General: Just boyish good humour, surely, Frogmorton. They’ll soon get used to a touch of shot and hell, what, what, what?

Then, General, there’s that playing two-up with the Turks by semaphore.

General: Well, start them on Cricket, that’s the show. The Ashes.

But most of the ashes are Aussies, General…….

General: Bit of leg spin, round the wicket in No Man’s Land. Show ‘em what sportmanship is all about. Playing fields of Eton, and all that.

We tried that, General.

General: And?

They threw grenades instead of balls. Lieutenant Uppington was the first casualty. Wonderful straight bat. Comes from a great family in Gloucestershire.

General: Well, double the rations of lice powder to the Australians.

Yes, Sir!

To be continued….

I’ve always found anything by ‘AC DC’ an appropriate accompaniment for my intimate activities.

Dear The Dude,

Thank you for letting us know. KJ.